Wedding Reception Forum
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Please help...I'm going crazy here...Reception advice..

So we have narrowed it down to three choices.  Its so hard to compare them because there are good things and bad things about each.  In a nutshell, here are the details.

Venue 1:  Nice people, historic UNIQUE building, extra work, no wedding coordinator, but potential to be very memorable, cant do it at our church :( which was always a dream of ours

Venue 2:  AMAZING people, two wedding coordinators, hardly any work to be done, so so as far as looks are concerned, cant do our church either

Venue 3:  MEAN awful unhelpful wedding coordinator, BUT PERFECT VENUE, nearby so we can do the ceremony at our church.

Im sure you understand my diemma.  If you've already been married, what was most impiortant to you after all was said and done?  Thanks guys...

Re: Please help...I'm going crazy here...Reception advice..

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    What is it about Venue 1 and 2 that you cannot get married in your church if you choose them?
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    Only you and your FI can decide this one.  It all boils down to how important it is to you guys to get married in your church.

    Why woudln't the church work for venue 1 or 2? 
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    can you hire a WC to work with the venue's coordinator?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Its too far.  Its probably about an hour to the venues from the church.  Some people have been telling me thats fine...MY MOTHER tells me that would be awful to have people drive that far.  Since people are coming from all over, some people will have to drive passed the venue to get to the reception and then back again so in some sense I understand what shes saying.  BUT it is our wedding, the one day people should deal, right?
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    And...I could hire a wedding coordinator if the budget allowed but we have no help financially from family so the budget doesnt allow us to do the extras like that.  I would have to be my own coordinator.
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    I agree with your Mom, an hour is too far.  The general consensus around here is that up to 30 minutes travel time is fine, but beyond that is usually a no-go.


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    I think an hour is too long between venues.

        I've attended a wedding like that and the only reason I thought it was 'okay' was the reception venue was actually closer to my house than the church was.  If  I had lived closer to the church I would have been annoyed.  Oh and a lot of people who did live closer to the reception blew off the church part because they didn't want to drive that far.  Since she was a good friend I did the drive.  If she was a co-worker I would have skipped the church also.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Can you do #3 and not use their wedding coordinator and just not have a wedding coordinator at all?
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    An hour is too far.  Are there any other venues near your church that might work, since it sounds like getting married at the church is important to you?  If you want to stick with the church, restaurants with private rooms, historic mansions, golf courses, tennis clubs, wineries, parks, a VFW, community center or your church fellowship hall could work for a wedding reception.  Could you use Venue 3 without dealing with the coordinator too much?
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    Okay so one decision made...If we do the venue far from the church we need to figure out the ceremony.  I figured as much and Im keeping an open mind about other churches or maybe bringing our piest to the venue and doing the ceremony there.  But what to do about the reception?

    We can not use the mean coordinator but this lady MADE ME CRY literally.  She was so awful.  She may not be our coordinator but I am going to see her and I dont trust that she wont get ahold of something and sabatoge my wedding day.  Saying she was awful is an understatement.  But for the perfect venue, should I just suck it up or will it come back to haunt me and make things harder later?

    Keep it coming guys, I really appreciate it! 
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    How important is the church to you? If it is really important to you to have a spiritual wedding and marriage, I would go with #3 and look into hiring another coordinator (maybe a local Knottie and you can trade work with her and work at HER reception ... or pick up a part-time job or freelance work to pay for a coordinator, or just make cuts elsewhere in the budget).

    If you're not really interested in a religious marriage, and/or primarily want the church wedding because it's a pretty location, I would go with either 1 or 2, whichever you like better.

    Or, if the religious marriage is important to you but you're not tied to your specific church, see if you can find a same-denomination church near these sites. Or maybe a non-denominational chapel and bring in your minister from your own church.
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    I don't really understand how or why the venue coordinator could or would make you cry.  If you had that strong a reaction to her, I would not use that venue.  Surely there are other venues in the 30 minute travel radius around your church.  Maybe post on your local board and ask for reception venue recommendations near the area where your church is.

    As far as the reception venues that are an hour from your church, you could ask them where people in that area have ceremonies.  You could get married outside.  You could post on your local board and ask for recommendations.  You could get married inside the reception hall, which is what a lot of people do.  I think the girls on your local board would be much more helpful as far as helping you choose venues and ceremony locations.
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    how can it be the perfect venue if the you so strongly dislike the coordinator there?  in my experience (which is limited to planning my own wedding), you have to deal with their coordinator a lot for a wedding.  i would nix that one.
    Married 4/30/11
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    LasairionaLasairiona member
    First Comment
    edited February 2010
    Definitely rule out #3. There is no excuse at all for people like that to be dealing with the public, in customer service no less. I'm surprised that they haven't removed her if she is that bad. She should be reported to the owners/managers/anyone in charge asap as that type of behavior is inexcuseable and don't let them ignore you. The venue can't be perfect if it includes rude/incompetent staff.

    Beyond what you have already described, what are the pros and cons of the first 2 venues? Also, make sure to post this on your local board.
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    Do either Venue 1 or 2 have any pretty outdoor areas where you could potentially hold a ceremony?  
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_please-helpim-going-crazy-herereception-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5547635e-06c1-44c7-b8eb-b814076b07c0Post:37aec703-f1bd-48c1-8716-0481b4927103">Re: Please help...I'm going crazy here...Reception advice..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so one decision made...If we do the venue far from the church we need to figure out the ceremony.  I figured as much and Im keeping an open mind about other churches or maybe bringing our piest to the venue and doing the ceremony there.  But what to do about the reception? We can not use the mean coordinator but this lady MADE ME CRY literally.  She was so awful.  She may not be our coordinator but I am going to see her and I dont trust that she wont get ahold of something and sabatoge my wedding day.  Saying she was awful is an understatement.  But for the perfect venue, should I just suck it up or will it come back to haunt me and make things harder later? Keep it coming guys, I really appreciate it! 
    Posted by adriennevazquez[/QUOTE]

    You mentioned a "priest".... if this is a Catholic wedding, the priest is not allowed to perform a marriage anywhere outside of the actual church. (I learned this the hard way.) Some archaic rule they still follow because of the Catholic view on marriage as a sacrament. So that may limit you... just something to keep in mind.

    Personally, I would ask Venue #3 if I absolutely had to use their bitch coordinator (and also give them the feedback... you probably aren't the only one). If she comes with the package, scrap it. But if they're OK with you bringing in someone else, then go for it!
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    I would feel the same way you do about this dilmena.  What I would do is #3 but I would tell the manager or owner how aweful this lady was to you and say they need to get someone else or just not have her there.  It shouldn't be too big of a deal for them to not use her and for them to have a different staff member there on that day.
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    I have concidered the reception venue itself for the ceremony and I am aware that preists usually dont do outside church ceremonies BUT lucky for us a family friend of my Fiance who happens to be a priest will probably be willing.

    After all the input, I think ive decided to rule out venue 1, too much hassle and we still have the church situation...Now I just need to decide on venue 2 or 3.  I already spoke to the food and beverage director about the coordinator's inappropriate behavior toword me and my fiance.  She is willing to allow us to do it there and have other staff help us.  Its just the principal, which is why I told her she needed to give me the friday food and beverage minimum for a Saturday.  If she agrees then we will do it there.  If not then we will choose the venue that has been more hospitable.  I figure I might as well be compensated for my sleepless nights and trouble, right?

    Thanks everyone.  This has helped ALOT!
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    If you're Catholic, keep in mind that the priest will probably have to follow his diocese or order's rules.  Generally that requires the use of a Catholic church. 

    Are there any college chapels near venue 2?  I know my parents were married by a Protestant minister and Catholic priest at their college chapel, so that could be a possibility.  I'm not sure of the criteria for that, though.
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