Children@Reception NO!!!

chaperonemom

Our 24yo daughter wants children at her wedding/reception (because she has had to babysit all of them).  Our family is HUGE and nearly every 8-top would be one family.  As this is going to be a Friday night, after 7:30, cocktails, hors' doeuvres and dessert tables and a Jazz Band... Dad and I say, "No Kiddos under 13" but, she's being a stink-bug   ... any other ideas for convincing her? 

NOLAbridealmost

This is really her decision as long as it fits in the budget. Who is paying for the wedding? 

chaperonemom

Dad and I are paying. We are an upper middle class family. However, she is marrying into a upper crust family.  Her mother-in-law-to-be is already put off that it's a Friday night.  Hey at least the kids finally agreed to a Catholic church (ours -- NOT hers)...  Groom could care less on most issues..."Just tell me when to be where" and Father of the Groom isn't concerned as long as he's not having ot pay the bar tab (his daughter got married last June and it was $24,000). 

banana468

Welll, hopefully someone's picking up the tab!

Only you know the family dynamic. IMO, young children don't belong at an evening wedding.  They're supposed to be in bed by then!  My daughter is 15 mo and by 6:15 she enters meltdown mode without dinner.  If she's up until 8 PM it involves a bath and a lot of soothing rocking.

IMO, you're making a great compromise.  The other option would be to say that she gets to invite X # of people and no more.  That may mean inviting children or her friends and it's a choice she has to make.

hollyweenOR

I agree that little ones after 7pm are not going to have much fun- overstimulation that close to bedtime equals meltdown city. If these kids are older now (like age 6 and up), that would be a little different, and having a kids' table with some age-appropriate activities could be a fun way to do it (and a lot of caterers will do kids' dinners of mac & cheese or whatever for a good price). Would your venue have a place that is a bit out-of-the way where they could hang out and do activities? Maybe hire a babysitter/youth-wrangler so the parents can kick up their heels a bit and still have the feeling of an elegant evening? But if you're paying, you have major leverage on this, and if the budget doesn't permit, or the venue can't really be adapted to accommodate it, then that's that.

HobokensFury

If you're paying put your foot down. IMO kids don't belong at weddings. Period.

levanlaere

I agree with PP. If you are paying, you get a say. IMO I do not like children present when adults are drinking/partying. However, if they are family, I do understand her wanting them to be there.

Maybe have a sitter on site and have a room for the children. I know of someone who had a room filled with games, coloring books, dress up clothes and a balloon person making fun things for the kids.

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_childrenreception-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:58385e03-be8d-4074-a746-d2ea1b8f288aPost:29756c71-1d99-4c9c-abcf-e34f4329fe0c">Re: Children@Reception NO!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I still don't understand your objection to the kids.  If it's not a budget issue (you say you're paying but don't say if the kids are affordable or not) then I just don't get it.   She wants kids.  So what if some adults are drinking and partying?  Parents who disagree with the lifestyle will either decline entirely or decline the kids' invitation.  If kids fit in the budget, this is really a non-issue.  If they don't, just explain that you can't accommodate the kids. Sorry, but call me crazy, in my circle drinking and partying is normal with or without children.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

I'm with NOLA this is really a non-issue and I feel badly for your daughter. If she wants kids at her wedding I think this is something you should give into. Parents know when their kids are tired etc and will take them home and if they think the reception is to late for their kids they will probably leave them at home.

13 is a weird cut off age what if 1 child is 11 and another is 14 that is pretty shitty to split the family in half.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_childrenreception-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:58385e03-be8d-4074-a746-d2ea1b8f288aPost:c21463aa-c58a-4609-8a25-5829d959809b">Re: Children@Reception NO!!!</a>:
[QUOTE] Groom could care less on most issues..."Just tell me when to be where" and Father of the Groom isn't concerned as long as he's not having ot pay the bar tab (his daughter got married last June and it was $24,000). 
Posted by chaperonemom[/QUOTE]
$24k for the wedding or the bar tab!??!?  

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_childrenreception-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:58385e03-be8d-4074-a746-d2ea1b8f288aPost:a9fba5b1-1ac7-4eb0-86c5-4db2dad92a66">Re: Children@Reception NO!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children@Reception NO!!! : I'm with NOLA this is really a non-issue and I feel badly for your daughter. If she wants kids at her wedding I think this is something you should give into. Parents know when their kids are tired etc and will take them home and if they think the reception is to late for their kids they will probably leave them at home. <strong>13 is a weird cut off age what if 1 child is 11 and another is 14 that is pretty shitty to split the family in half.</strong>
Posted by sparent2010[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with the bold. Cut off at 18 or by circles, but don't split siblings.</div>

mellow08

So how do you politely say that kids are not allowed on your invitations?  Is adult reception ok?

alithebride

if you're paying for it all you have the say. but consider her reasons for it as well. it's HER wedding and, if there's room-I really dont see the issue. i also agree about the 13 year old thing. that's odd.

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_childrenreception-no?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:58385e03-be8d-4074-a746-d2ea1b8f288aPost:da17a054-650b-464f-8cce-147c5ca67a2e">Re: Children@Reception NO!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So how do you politely say that kids are not allowed on your invitations?  Is adult reception ok?
Posted by mellow08[/QUOTE]

<div>Absolutely not. You never refer to who is not invited on an invitation. The envelopes will say Mr. and Mrs. Whoever instead of The Whoever Family. The RSVP cards, for best results, should be something like:</div><div>
</div><div>Mr. John Doe __beef __chicken __declines (if you're doing meal choices)</div><div>Mrs. Sally Doe __beef __chicken __ declines</div><div>
</div><div>That way there's no way for Mr. and Mrs. Doe to add their children. Some people put __#__ seats have been reserved in your honor, but that still allows for Mrs. Doe to swap in Little Susie if her husband can't come.</div>

Viczaesar

You lost me when you called your adult daughter a stink-bug for wanting to invite children to her own wedding.

chaperonemom

the BAR TAB!!