Do I have to invite his friend?

KatieRosen

My FI has a friend (former co-worker) that I just hate.  They don't hang out at all (in all honesty, probably because of me), but they talk on the phone sometimes.  I just hate the guy; every time I see him, he does something else to be horrible.  If he's there, it's going to ruin my day.  If he's not there, it's going to upset my FI.  I've still got time to decide, but it's really stressing me out.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_do-i-have-to-invite-his-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5b94fdad-b368-4655-81f6-6bac71fd0781Post:353572e7-ff43-46ea-b148-af388a652ccc">Do I have to invite his friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI has a friend (former co-worker) that I just hate.  They don't hang out at all (in all honesty, probably because of me), but they talk on the phone sometimes.  I just hate the guy; every time I see him, he does something else to be horrible.  If he's there, it's going to ruin my day.  If he's not there, it's going to upset my FI.  I've still got time to decide, but it's really stressing me out.
Posted by KatieRosen[/QUOTE]

<div>Since it is your FI's friend, this should be his decision.  You are never going to like all of each other's friends.  Unless this guy has been violent or done something seriously offensive to you (hit on you, called you racist or sexist names, outright insulted you, etc.), you have no right to veto his friends.  </div><div>
</div><div>If he's just obnoxious or annoying, you just need to get over it.  </div>

shanding4787

Unfortunately yes, you're probably going to have to invite him. There are multiple people on our guest list that make me want to cry when I think about them being at pur wedding but they are friends of his that he's known his whole life...and these are people who have mentally abused me since we started dating.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_do-i-have-to-invite-his-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5b94fdad-b368-4655-81f6-6bac71fd0781Post:11d8e1aa-9b5a-45ae-9a5d-e0d5428341ec">Re: Do I have to invite his friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]Unfortunately yes, you're probably going to have to invite him. There are multiple people on our guest list that make me want to cry when I think about them being at pur wedding but they are friends of his that he's known his whole life...and these are people who have mentally abused me since we started dating.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

<div>How is that not a dealbreaker for your FI with those friends?</div>

HobokensFury

Yes you do. I was stuck with my cousin's dbag BF on the guest list.

shanding4787

It was for a while.,,they are actually his friend's wives..very mean women who don't take kindly to "outside people" coming in their circle. The drama has somewhat subsided since we got engaged but the first two years were hell. In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_do-i-have-to-invite-his-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5b94fdad-b368-4655-81f6-6bac71fd0781Post:6874f6cc-ff7c-444c-9ca7-0de0dc8ec6f2">Re: Do I have to invite his friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to invite his friend? : How is that not a dealbreaker for your FI with those friends?
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

Juleswcu

If he really wants him there then do it for him.  We have family coming I am not excited about, but I decided I will barely spend time w/them anyway so I have let it go.  I plan to surround myself w/the bridal party, FI and close family.  Everyone else is just in the background.  Hopefully that can be the case w/your FI's friend.  Plus, it is possible he will not come.  It is amazing who says yes and no.  I have a lot of people coming I did not expect would and a lot not coming that I thought would attend.  I know it sucks, but invite him and move on to more positive aspects of the wedding.

alithebride

LOL since it's not just YOUR wedding, but FI's too, yes you probably do. And it's not just YOUR Day-it's YOUR and FI's day.

pick your battles. this is one i'd choose not to fight about.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_do-i-have-to-invite-his-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5b94fdad-b368-4655-81f6-6bac71fd0781Post:353572e7-ff43-46ea-b148-af388a652ccc">Do I have to invite his friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI has a friend (former co-worker) that I just hate.  They don't hang out at all (in all honesty, probably because of me), but they talk on the phone sometimes.  I just hate the guy; every time I see him, he does something else to be horrible. <strong> If he's there, it's going to ruin my day.  If he's not there, it's going to upset my FI.</strong>  I've still got time to decide, but it's really stressing me out.
Posted by KatieRosen[/QUOTE]

Which would upset you more?  Having someone there who might make himself out to look like an asshole?  Or upsetting your FI on a day that's supposed to be HIS day too, and making yourself out to be the asshole for dictating who he can be friends with?

Easy answer IMO.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_do-i-have-to-invite-his-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:5b94fdad-b368-4655-81f6-6bac71fd0781Post:1bc51f6d-e699-4040-b017-9af16ffa1e16">Re: Do I have to invite his friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]It was for a while.,,they are actually his friend's wives..very mean women who don't take kindly to "outside people" coming in their circle. The drama has somewhat subsided since we got engaged but the first two years were hell. In Response to Re: Do I have to invite his friend? :
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm dying to know how these wives being mean to you amounts to abuse.  </div>

shanding4787

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_do-i-have-to-invite-his-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:5b94fdad-b368-4655-81f6-6bac71fd0781Post:c33afed9-aeaa-4219-84eb-46442b09322c">Re: Do I have to invite his friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I have to invite his friend? : I'm dying to know how these wives being mean to you amounts to abuse.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Well where should I start..how about one of them giving his psycho ex my number and address to which she then started stalking me and I had to get a restraining order...or how about when I was "invited" to a girls night where they purposely told me the wrong location and then laughed at me... two of them cornered him the night we got engaged and tried talking him out of marrying me, while I was standing two feet away....and other than that just being increbily mean and hateful for the past three years, most of which has brought me to tears, so I'd say yea, that's mental abuse.

schneiderwife

I agree with PP. I wouldn't be marrying someone who let his friends or their wives treat me like that. And OP I have a similar situation. We are inviting his friend and his friend's wife, whom I don't like. The wife used to constantly hit on my FH and he just never saw it, or brushed it off as just being nice. But he wants his friend there and it is his wedding too. So, we'll be inviting them and just steering clear of the wife for most of the day.