I want catering hall; mom wants basement of a restaurant. HELP

lilacdust

So, I just got engaged a month and a half ago and have already started looking at venues so I can relax knowing everything else will soon fall into place. The problem is that while I really want to find a nice, rustic and intimate reception hall that will provide cocktail hour and dinner for between $90 and $100 a person, my mother shrinks at the idea of spending more than (I guess) $60. My parents got married in the basement of a Steak and Ale back in the day, but I.... don't want to get married like that. After all, it is my day. My fiance and I are paying for nearly all of it ourselves - with a bit of help from my parents - but not enough to where she can call the shots. I do want to be able to present different options to her but I have no idea where to start. I do not want to walk into the nearest Cheesecake Factory and tell them I want to have my wedding reception there! Any suggestions? (Keep in mind, I've already fallen in love with the Olde Mill Inn in Basking Ridge, NJ.) 

Milsey32

If you want to present the idea to your Mom, that's great. The best place to start is finding multiple venues and getting information (as in, contacting them if every detail is not listed on their website or whatever) and then presenting all of your information to her and be prepared to answer questions. 

Without your mom's help, how much could you and your FI spend? I know prices are different in different areas but is there any way you could find $60/pp reception venues that are not in a restaurant's basement? I actually went to a reception last summer (I didn't know anyone, I was just someone's guest) and it was in the basement and I thought that was tacky... sorry to your Mom! Best of luck!

mary9449

I understand where your Mom is coming from. My mother and I are similar that way too. However, show your Mom several locations and see if there is something you can compromise on. If not, simply tell your Mom you love the location you picked and you are willing to pay for it. I'm sure your Mom is just trying to come from a good place and wants you to be happy in the end.

aegrish

If you are paying, you choose where to have it.  Simple as that.  Mom will come around.  Trust me, mine did.

alithebride

well, they are paying for some which does entitle her to have a bit of say.

i dont see why she doen't want the place you like though-it's your wedding, not hers.

if you don't want to hear her opinions and argue-pay for it yourselves 100%.

lkirby85

I hear a lot of these stories, even from my mom, "You don't need that, for my wedding we did..." 

I think if you want to give options you should use this website to search local venues.

I wouldn't give her the option though if you already have your heart set on a location within your budget. Instead, sit down with her and put together a hard budget. Confirm what she is contributing and confirm what you and your fiance are contributing. Make sure your venue is well within the budget and suggest that her contribution is not going toward the hall but instead going toward something else like flowers, stationary, etc... 

Maybe a different point of view will have her feeling less panicked about what she can afford. She may even fear that she will be dishing out extra money when you exceed your budget if she isn't totally familiar with it.

I love the budget tool on this site!