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instead of a dollar dance....

so i went to a wedding where they didn't do a dollar dance or have clanking glasses for the couple to kiss (plastic glasses and utensils), but they had a big gong and you could give a dollar or 5 or whatever hit the gong and the couple would kiss. i thought this was a cute idea cuz we're not doing a dollar dance (and its not out of control hitting the glasses all night)...do you have any thoughts on what we could do thats not a gong, but the same idea?

ps we're having glasses and metal utensils, but would just make an announcement at the beginning that we'd only kiss when our thing is hit or whatever. AND STICK TO IT!!!

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Re: instead of a dollar dance....

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    it wouldnt be charging anything because they don't have to if they don't want to. a dollar dance is "charging" but people have that too... its just personal tastes. thanks anyway.

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    No, please don't do that!  I can't imagine any way to announce it without sounding greedy...and the gong ringing when I'm trying to talk, dance, and hear what is happening would be comletely obnoxious.
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    The thing about the dollar dance is that it is a cultural tradition and it's real name is the bridal dance.  So while many guests may be fine with that they may find the gong to be money grabby.  Like you just made something up to get money.   And really weddings I've been to recently don't do a whole lot of glass clinking to get the bride and groom to kiss.  Once or twice during dinner and it's over. 
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    Asking for money from your guests in any way at a reception is rude and tacky and even more so to charge them to hit an obnoxious gong during the reception.  Clinking of glasses is annoying enough but at least the sound of it isn't as deafening.  
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    I have to tell you, I have a gong in my house from China and that thing is the loudest thing on the planet when it is hit.  If I were a guest at your wedding and that gong kept getting hit, I would make a fast getaway before you knew it.  Not to mention that charging your guests any amount of money is horribly tacktastic and rude. 

    By the way, this statement makes no sense:

    it wouldnt be charging anything because they don't have to if they don't want to. a dollar dance is "charging" but people have that too... its just personal tastes. thanks anyway.

    They don't have to ring the gong and they don't have to dance with you.  I wouldn't pay to do either.  It is not personal taste, sweetie. It is bad form and subject of many a conversation that starts off as "I can't believe what I saw this weekend at Purple's wedding.  They had this annoying gong that kept going off and you had to pay to hit it."

    Personally, I would pay to send the gong out of the room.
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    You shouldn't be charging people any amount of money for anything at your wedding reception.  Please don't do this.  Not only is shaking down guests distasteful, but a gong.  Really?  You want people banging on a GONG throughout your wedding?

    Talk about bringing everything~conversation, mingling, visiting, catching up with friends and family, and dancing~to a crashing halt.

    And how amused will be you if someone who's had too much to drink decides that crashing the gong will be hilarious during the toast or the cake cutting or your first dance or the father daughter dance or, well, any other time during the reception.

    Please rethink this.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I am from an area where it is a tradion to do a dollar dance and it is expected to give the couple money...we don't consider it greedy.

    I read somewhere where a couple had a poem on the table that read:

    "The Bride & Groom will Kiss for you,
    Read on to see what you must do.
    Each table has a unique request,
    so get together and do your best"

    The tables had to answer questions about the bride and groom.  LIke where they met, where their first date was, etc.

    I have also been to wedding receptions where there is a theme...like if the couple liked golf--they had a mini putt rolled out and the guest had to get a hole in one in order for the bride and groom to kiss.  A hunting theme they had a kid's bow and arrow and a dart board and guest had to get a bullseye for the couple to kiss.  I have also been to places where they have guest have to hula hoop, sing a song with love in it.

    Good luck and do what you want!  It is your wedding...who cares if others think it is tacky...if it is a custom/tradition in your area...then go for it!

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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited August 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_instead-of-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7a223972-95b2-455b-9a50-e4f4ae26c5e1Post:77ff3bca-d641-404a-a453-904e566bf5c9">Re: instead of a dollar dance....</a>:
    [QUOTE] It is your wedding...who cares if others think it is tacky...<strong>if it is a custom/tradition in your area...then go for it!</strong>
    Posted by JackiandJosh8142010[/QUOTE]

    <div>When have you ever heard of guests paying to bang a gong tradition?  That's the point.  If she was Polish, because it's a Polish tradition, and wanted to have the dollar dance (or bridal dance as a pp pointed out) then it would be fine.  She's looking for ways to get money from her guests without doing the dance.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_instead-of-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7a223972-95b2-455b-9a50-e4f4ae26c5e1Post:1bd7db8a-615f-465c-8c5e-b1aa42dc8a69">Re: instead of a dollar dance....</a>:
    [QUOTE]... IWhen have you every heard of guests paying to bang a gong tradition?...  She's looking for ways to get money from her guests without doing the dance.
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    Traditions have to start somewhere.  Why can't they start a tradition of their own?  Besides, as she pointed out, it's not ASKING the guests for money.  It's allowing them to give money if they want to.  I think it's a cute idea.  I probably wouldn't do it myself, but to each his own.
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    Personally, I would be very annoyed with a gong at a wedding. We eat a Kobe's Japanese Steakhouse and that stupid gong is hit for people's birthday- I want to go bang it over their head!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_instead-of-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7a223972-95b2-455b-9a50-e4f4ae26c5e1Post:821a296c-82b4-4aed-b86f-e2163d900c82">Re: instead of a dollar dance....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: instead of a dollar dance.... : Traditions have to start somewhere.  Why can't they start a tradition of their own?  Besides, as she pointed out, it's not ASKING the guests for money.  It's allowing them to give money if they want to.  I think it's a cute idea.  I probably wouldn't do it myself, but to each his own.
    Posted by SakuraGreenLily[/QUOTE]

    Asking for money in any way shape or form, is considered rather rude though.  Even in places where this is the custom, those doing it need to understand that's still not technically correct etiquette.

    And saying, "We'll do this if you pay us," IS asking for money. 
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    ugh. glad i'm not invited. TACKY!

     

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    OP, are you seeing that the majority of comments on here are telling you that this is not a good idea?  Please take our advice. 
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    OP, now I see.  Your local and month boards are usually more sugar coated than national boards but our advice is still good.  

    You even said that you wanted to get money from your guests at your reception, you just didn't know how.  How greedy does that sound?!  

    "(so i posted this on the reception board and the girl is like "you can't charge your guests to do anything blah blah blah" and it wouldnt be "charging" because thats what a freakin dollar dance is too and ppl do that all the time! and i am not like "everyone HAS TO ring the gong (or whatever we have) so get in line and pull out the big bills!!!" UGHH! i am now only posting on here where everyone is nice!)"

    "ya like raising money is nice, but more that everyone just does it! its not like frowned at in our little area of the country, or at least in my family haha. anyway i just don't like a dollar dance since it takes up like an hour of dance time, so i just thought something else money-y would be fun. instead of the traditional glasses thing that little kids start cuz theyre bored haha. so ya 2 birds with one stone i was thinking: no clanking glasses (hopefully) & no dollar dance."
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    Personally I think you should just charge a cover charge.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    The only redeeming value of the dollar dance is that it gives guests face time with the couple.  Usually people seeking alternatives to the dance want to preserve that aspect without hitting up their guests for money.  If the reverse is true, the bride is just being greedy.

    And I don't care what the reasoning for it would be, having a gong at any sort of party is an awful, awful idea.

    Kiss once, then ignore it.  The clinking will stop.
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    it does seem like op is looking for the money part of the dollar dance. why not just spend that much less money on your wedding, no on will be offended, no one will be annoyed and you wont have to spend time dancing.

    spend the face time mingling around the room.

    if you like the kissing on demand part of the wedding, you can put a bell on each table, when its rung, kiss.
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