Affording My Reception...Ideas?

faithy13

Okay, I am sending invites that will make our guest count at nearly 300 people.  I wanted a smaller wedding, but my FI has a huge family and his mom will not let some people be left out.  I really wanted to do something with a dinner, maybe even buffet, but I just can't see how it can be afforded.  I really have no power over cutting people off the list.  So, you guys usually have good ideas.  I want to know how to have a reception with great food, but that is still in our budget.  I really don't want a dessert bar or just cake....Our budget is probably about $1000.  We are working very, very close oto our budget.

ScissortailFlycatcher

Is $1000 just your food budget or whole reception budget? Plan for the wedding you can afford.

And agree with PPs unless she is paying, she can't tell you who to invite or not to.

gottahavashorti

Unless she is paying, your FI can say "I'm sorry, we're not able to have a reception for 300 on our current budget."  Then either show her the list of those you have decided to invite (go in circles to decide who to include- aunts and uncles, then cousins, then cousins' kids, etc) or tell her that there are X number of invites that she can use for family and friends.  If she's unhappy with that, stick to your grounds and say "Sorry, this is what we are able to afford."

Then, if she wants to contribute in order to increase the guest list size, you've opened the door for her to make that offer.

megk8oz

I know a few people have asked but there are some questions that really do need to be answered here:

1) Is the $1,000 the budget for the entire wedding (Including attire, the ceremony, photographer-if you're having one, any decorations, etc), or just for the reception food and drinks?

2) Who is paying for the wedding? Is it just you and your FI? Just your FMIL? Are your parents contributing at all?

3) Are you opposed to pushing back your date to save up additional funds, disappointing as that may seem?

If the $1,000 is for absolutely everything, then, I'm sorry, there's just no way you can pull it off for that many guests. If it's just for the food and drinks, then it's somewhat feasible if you're willing to make some compromises. You might be able to pull off finger foods and cake ... possibly depending on your area you might be able to do some sort of pasta or BBQ option (And this really does depend on your area and doing a ton of research ... I know where I'm from $1,000 couldn't even feed 300 people cold cuts from Costco). But even in a less expensive region, you're probably not going to be able to get a plated dinner or too many buffet options (If any) for $3.00 a head.

If you're paying for the wedding without any help from the parents, like hell you don't "have a say" in cutting the guest list. It's your money and your FMIL doesn't get to tell you and your FI how to spend it. So in that event, your FI needs to just explain to his mom that you just don't have the budget for that many people and then cut them. You can give her x amount of people to invite and if she wants more than that she is more than welcome to cover the difference herself, but by no means do you have to invite 200 of her 2nd cousins on your own dime.

If this is her money, then yes, you're stuck inviting who she wants, but then, I'd honestly just let her figure out how to feed everybody.

Finally, if you will not cut the guest list, then push the wedding back until you can save up a little extra. If this is just your food budget, even an extra $500 gives you an extra $2.00 per head ... while $5.00 a head still probably won't get you a plated meal, it'll still give you way more options than you currently have.

brianabrad

As others have said we really need more information. Is $1,000 the entire budget or the budget for one thing? The only way to have a reception for 300 people with that budget would be in a free venue (most likely) and serve cake and punch. You might be able to offer a few other snacks but it would have to be finger foods purchased in bulk like pretzel or some other cheap snack.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:4f8c0e3e-7244-4228-a6e1-f3ce6ade446a">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I think that your FI needs to stand up to Mommy and tell her that either she cuts the list, helps pay for her guests, or that he will cut the list for her.  Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Both of them are underage. That probably won't happen.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:6a506ddc-4998-4307-9db4-eaa2aa62d701">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas? : Both of them are underage. That probably won't happen.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
Yikes.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:6a506ddc-4998-4307-9db4-eaa2aa62d701">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas? : Both of them are underage. That probably won't happen.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

<div>Nice.  I don't care how old you are.  If you are too young to stand up to mommy about a guest list, you are too young to get married.</div><div>
</div><div>This is going to end in disaster.  I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to put the wedding on the back burner and let him grow up first.  Otherwise, your marriage is going to be a nightmare.  </div>

aerinpegadrak

Is there some past drama here?  Linkage?  Her post history doesn't seem to turn up what you guys are talking about.

zitiqueen

I found where she says she's not having alochol at her recepetion because she's underage.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_idea-1

And just from their avatar they both look maybe 18. Maybe.

glam70s

Yes, definitely put it off. There's no good reason to get married before you can afford it..

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:cfc7d5b7-3d35-4c24-b87a-d470d0b1c0b3">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there some past drama here?  Linkage?  Her post history doesn't seem to turn up what you guys are talking about.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

<div>Click on her name and read the paragraph thing and check out the picture.</div><div>
</div><div>I kind of think 13 may be her age.</div>

faithy13

I would like to say this first of all. I am almost 20 thank you. Second, divorce rates include you people getting married later in life. I have plenty of people that are around me that got married early in life.  None of you can say anything about who I am or what my relationship is based on my age. If you truly have read my bio you would know I have been together with my FI for more than 6 years. Besides, I see plenty of women on here who have a hard time standing up to parents. So please realize that your stereotypes are not needed here. The alcohol is someting I have personally decided on my life experience and I have many people in my guest list who would think that inapporpriate for us. So, that aside.
Yes, the $1000 is for just food. Sorry I had failed to say this. My FMIL is making our cake and invitations and save the dates. So I really can't just turn away from people on the list.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:ac7d80d7-12cb-4c19-bf5c-bf3c0f145210">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to say this first of all. I am almost 20 thank you. Second, divorce rates include you people getting married later in life. I have plenty of people that are around me that got married early in life.  None of you can say anything about who I am or what my relationship is based on my age. If you truly have read my bio you would know I have been together with my FI for more than 6 years. Besides, I see plenty of women on here who have a hard time standing up to parents. So please realize that your stereotypes are not needed here. The alcohol is someting I have personally decided on my life experience and I have many people in my guest list who would think that inapporpriate for us. So, that aside. Yes, the $1000 is for just food. Sorry I had failed to say this. My FMIL is making our cake and invitations and save the dates. So I really can't just turn away from people on the list.
Posted by faithy13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not your age that is waiving red flags.  It is that your FI is still controlled by his mother and that he is not ready to stand up to her yet.  </div><div>
</div><div>A guest list is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things.  If he can't stand up to her on this, he's not going to be able to stand up to her on the big things either.  </div><div>
</div><div>I know you don't want to hear it, but if you think planning a wedding with this going on is a pain, just wait until you are trying to have a marriage.  </div><div>
</div><div>One of the biggest things that leads to divorce is that the parties to the marriage still have outside allegiances.  The divorce rate is so high for young couples because they are often still controlled by their parents.  The divorce rate is high for second marriages because the parties are often still involved with the prior spouse, often through children.  

</div>

faithy13

We are very independent people. My FI is just very close to his mother.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:ac7d80d7-12cb-4c19-bf5c-bf3c0f145210">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would like to say this first of all. I am almost 20 thank you. Second, divorce rates include you people getting married later in life. I have plenty of people that are around me that got married early in life.  None of you can say anything about who I am or what my relationship is based on my age. If you truly have read my bio you would know I have been together with my FI for more than 6 years. <strong>1) Besides, I see plenty of women on here who have a hard time standing up to parents. So please realize that your stereotypes are not needed here.</strong>The alcohol is someting I have personally decided on my life experience and I have many people in my guest list who would think that inapporpriate for us. So, that aside. Yes, the $1000 is for just food. Sorry I had failed to say this. <strong>2) My FMIL is making our cake and invitations and save the dates. So I really can't just turn away from people on the list.
</strong>Posted by faithy13[/QUOTE]

1) Yes, that is a problem with people of all ages on these boards. However, they are <strong>all </strong>given the exact same advice: if you can't stand up to your parents, you have no business getting married. I frankly don't care if you and your FI are 50 (Age does not automatically = maturity), if he really can't say "Mom, we can't afford this many people, cuts have to be made", then he's not mature enough to be married (And yes, I really would be saying this no matter how old he was and this was going on). He seriously needs to be able to explain to her that the money just is not there, and that as adults, you are not going to over-extend yourselves financially-or poorly host the people you both love-just because she thinks this is <strong>her</strong> family reunion.

2) Cake and some paper goods are not enough to dominate your entire guest list. Yes, giving you those things has some strings attached, and but there is still nothing wrong with saying "Mom, you get x amount of people. We absolutely can not afford any more than that". If my MIL had been holding "making the cake" over our heads as a way to tack on even 20 extra guests (I have a feeling in your scenario it's way more than that), I would have declined her offer and just found my own means to get a cake (Which I would have more money in the budget for, since I would have less people to try feeding).

You can get some really nice DIY STDs and invites for pretty cheap at Michael's or AC, and there's always the option of getting a few sheet cakes from the grocery store. Personally, I'd push the wedding back just so I could afford <strong>everything</strong> without her help.

And I wouldn't put up with FI's inability to stand up to her, because that's one of those things that does not change for the better or "go away" after the wedding (It always gets worse ... especially once children are born). It's one thing for them to be close, it's quite another for her to be influencing major decisions in your lives and him shrugging it off because he doesn't know how to tell her "no".

fallbride1109

If your FMIL is not paying for the reception, she doesn't get to invite 300 people.  She either needs to chip in or cut the guest list.  Or else you cut it for her.

In answer to your original question of "How can I feed 300 people a full meal for $1,000?" the answer is, you can't.

marinabreeze

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_affording-receptionideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:7d1f02fe-e1d6-403b-8b3a-20fa2e88d379Post:904e28e0-e29e-4c0d-bdbc-69925cff1394">Re: Affording My Reception...Ideas?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd say call a restaurant like a BBQ shack or chicken or something. If you are at all in So. IL/Indiana you should be ok with that amount. You'll need to find out how much food they give you. I'd then fudge the number a little. (Tell them it's for 275 or 250 instead of 300.) I'd also ask your FIML to pitch in more $ for that amt. of ppl. if possible. If not ask her to cook a backup dish that can feed anyone if you don't have enough food. (think Lasagna/ Spaghetti) Ask her to make that for  like 25 ppl. as a compromise. <strong>You can also always have people pitch in for food. </strong>My best friend got married young too and she had some of the family bring a dish and add to what they had (they just ordered main dish).<strong> I know that might sound tacky...but it is your day....and if you are young you have to do what you have to do.</strong>
Posted by stillplaning4it[/QUOTE]

A reception is a "thank you" for your guests for taking time out to see you get married.  it's not a potluck and no one should be asked or otherwise expected to "pitch in" for what should be your gift to them for being there on your wedding day.  Being young has <em>nothing</em> to do with it, because if you're getting married, you should be adult enough to take responsibility to do things on your own if need be.  If you are too "young" to be responsible, you're too "young" to get married.  If you can't afford the big to-do...wait until you can or go to the JOP.  No one owes you anything.

To the OP, I echo PPs.  FI should stand up to his mother and tell her you two cannot afford 300 people and you have to cut the guest list.   If she chooses not to help out with cake or STDs because of it, it may work out better for you in the long run anyway because you can then have control over who and how many are invited (which has a greater impact on your budget than the savings you gain by the things your FMIL is doing to help out).  This has nothing to do with "he is close to his mother."  If you are going to be his wife, you should come first, not his mommy.  If he can't stand up for himself and you, and he lets his mother control things, it will not get any better once you are married and you will be in for a world of hurt.

FutureMrsKSchwoeppe

I have the SAME exact problem! His family is gigantic (his dad has over 100 first cousins!) But they arent all around so I barely know them and I want it intimate. I told my future mother in law that if she wanted to cover the bar tab and the food then she can invite them. Sometimes you just have to be harsh and make sure your FI backs you up. That can cause another problem too. But if you're footing the bill, you get to choose the guest list.

aerinpegadrak

You can email STDs, use Vistaprint or 123print for invitations, and get cake from the grocery store.  Letting her hold the guest list hostage over such a relatively small financial contribution is just insane, and it just shows that you're not willing to do the work required to be independent.  Which, again, is a major indication that you're not ready to be married.

midgemoto

HEY opinionated jerks!  this bride to be is asking for help and advise... LIGHTEN UP ON THEM!!!!  Plenty of great marriages start young... Love is love!

Get creative and ask for $$$ help if the guest list is out of your control...

You really can't make a dinner even for a family for less than about 7 or 8 bucks per person.... but maybe some of that big family can contribute to a pot luck picnic sort of deal...

I went to 2 weddings this summer with big ceremonies, punch and cookie on site receptions and then more private  after receptions...and I was not at all offended by that either.  

Seriously...don't let this get you down... just figure out how to celebrate in the manner that suits you and your budget and have a wonderful day...

If all you can do is cookies from costco and pink lemonade your true loved ones should understand and be there to bless and witness your love and commitment to each other.... not for the food!

Hang in there !

 

vegprincess

I think the real "issue" is that her fiance loves his family and that's a large part of what she loves about him.  My own fiance has a large family and has wanted to invite everyone - extended family included - to the wedding.  It's been tough because we figured out what we could afford (his family, my family and the two of us are all contributing some) and then how many guests we could invite based on the venue we wanted.  We had quite a few "extra" people on our original list.  We had decided to wait an extra year to get married to extend out budget so we didn't want to wait any longer than that.  Sounds like you're in a pretty similar situation.
I know that you said you can't, but just in case you can, here are some things that we've done to cut down the guest list.  First, the three of you (you, you FI and his mom) all have to sit down together to look at the list.  Make sure they know that part of what you love about him is that he loves his family, but that in order to A) actually be able to feed people or not accumulate massive debt, you need to work on cutting down the guest list.  One of the ways we did this is we cut out extended family that I've never met.  There are extended family members that come to every family function that I've met and spent lots of time with, but there's no reason we should have to invite their sister who I've never met too.  This is also where the A and B lists can come in handy - say you'd really like to have these extra people there, and if you have enough other people that can't come, you'll definitely invite them.  (It's tough, but you guys all need to sit down and discuss what's realistic.)  Not sure if this is a problem, but it's constantly been an issue with us that we're going to "offend" someone by not inviting them when we're inviting other people that we know.  Honestly, in this economy in particular, you need to just remember that a lot of people are struggling to make ends meet and shouldn't be offended.
About food and stuff... I have a friend who had her reception at a local restaurant and said she only spent about $5000 on the whole thing.  (She bought a dress, cake, drinks and meal.)  I'm not positive how much of that was the food/drink bill, but I'd guess at least $3000 - and she had less than 100 people there.  If you're not serving people alcohol, that'll cut out a decent amt, but a restuarant may still be out of your budget unless you're willing to wait some time and save more.
The next thing that comes to mind is that I'm not sure what's in your area, but I have a local park which has a covered picnic table area that can be rented for less than $50 for a day.  I love the idea of something less formal at a local park (or even one of your backyards if that's an option).  You can see if there is catering in your area that would be affordable - sandwiches for lunch might be a more affordable option, for example.  Also, a local pizza/pasta place that would cater italian food might be less expensive than a more formal restaurant.  Otherwise, if you can enlist some family/friends, you could always make food on the grill - you could always do shish kabobs or something rather than (or in addition to) burgers and hot dogs to make it a little fancier.
Good luck!

sfemia

Where are you putting 300 ppl?  I tried to find a place that I could bring my own caterer, but found that very few places allow this and their rental fees are over $1,000.  If you're having it at a family home keep in mind that tables, chairs, and linens for 300 ppl will consume your $1,000 budget.  Also, if you were thinking about finding a caterer, they add on 18% - 20% gratuity and approx. 10% tax.  Good luck!