Wedding Reception Forum

Small or Large Reception?

Hello Knotties!!
As most of you can tell from my profile, I still have quite some time before the big day but plans are already in motion! My fiancee and I are already having some disagreements in regards to the reception. In our Indian-Pakistani culture, and moreso our faith of Islam, it is customary to have an intimate ceremony and go bigger with the reception which is usually a day or two later. I am perfectly fine with that but the fiancee wants it small and intimate for both days. This cannot happen! I am the youngest daughter and my parents want to make sure they invite everyone that may or may not have made it to my siblings' weddings and I have quite a few people to invite myself. I dont know how else to explain what a big deal this is for me, especially because I willingly said yes to the small ceremony which I would've liked to have been bigger. Dare I compromise more??

Re: Small or Large Reception?

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    What if you did a western wedding & reception on the same day & held a proper Indian-Packistani reception 2 days later?  That way your FI gets the intimate feeling he is looking for & your family gets the big party they expected to provide for you like they did for your siblings.  He may be a little shy when it comes to being the center of attention for 400 people.
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    I know it is a big cultural issue, but I also think it's unfair to your FI to invite everyone who was invited to your siblings' weddings when he wants a small reception.  What does his family think?  Would his extended family be offended by a smaller reception?

    Would it be at all possible to at least trim down the reception size for him?  Maybe halfway between the number of guests he wants and the number you want.  Set a limit on how far out in the family you invite, don't invite friends you haven't spoken to in the last couple years.
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    edited April 2010
    i can understand him wanting it small but i think if you were the one to compromise on the ceremony size then he should obviously be compromising on the reception size.

    i mean maybe you could do the ceremony and then with a cocktail party and then the reg reception or whatever you're doing.. & you could invite the large group of guests and while they're all at the cocktail party ..which if you started everything earlier in the day usually lasts 2hrs and usually you miss it anyway.. you, the groom, your parents and wp or whoever could do a small reception or get together in another room of your venue? & that way you could have time together with an intimate group like he wants before the big party starts?
    that's what my friend & her FI just did. ceremony 1-2 cocktail party 230-430, dinner reception @ 5-10.

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    Thank you all for your suggestions! I really appreciate them all. I think the FI and I will make a comprehensive list of guests and see where we can cut corners. I really hope his parents will be able to talk him into it because I have definitely tried. They are into all of those large customary details as well as my parents are so lets hope for the best!

    Thanks again for all of the great advice :)
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    I can understand how he feels.  I would have loved a small reception.. but my FI has a very large family that live locally.  It would have been a great insult to everyone if I did not give in to the big wedding.

    The big difference with us- is I knew this for a couple years before we were engaged.  Maybe your FI just needs more time to adjust.

    You mentioned how your parents feel.. are they the hosts?  If so- their opinions get more weight.  Also- how do you feel about a big vs. small wedding?  Would you feel you missed out if you had something small?

    If it is in your cultural and family expectations to have a larger reception- I would discuss the issue further with him and learn more about why he feels so against it.  (If you guys are paying for the wedding- I would understand why he would want to go small to save your money for the future)
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