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Is it right to say that my kids can be at the dinner/reception but other children cant?

my family has a big issuse with children being at the reception. My FH and I want to include children as well, but we are going to ask that anyone under drinking age leave by 11pm. With us having 3 children of our own (that are in the wedding party) is it really right to say that my kids can be here but yours cant?? What are you thoughts about children being at a reception?

Re: Is it right to say that my kids can be at the dinner/reception but other children cant?

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    It's fine to have an adult wedding, but don't invite kids for a portion of the day and then send them away. It's all or nothing. Either include the under 21 crowd for the whole wedding, or don't invite them to anything at all.

    It's fine to set limits, but you need to make it a general limit. So including only your own children is fine, and including only bridal party children is fine. Just make it an across-the-board rule. The rude part would be if you said, "Nephew Timmy can come because we like him, but Niece Susie cannot because she's a brat." Even if Susie IS a brat, you can't exclude her if she is the same relationship to you as Timmy. It would be fine to only include nieces/nephews and first cousins, but cut off any kids more distant than that.

    We are not including any children at our wedding. We don't have our own children, nieces/nephews, or first cousins (younger than 16, anyway). If we did, we would have them as guests. All the small kids in our families are second cousins and beyond, so that's where we made the cut.
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    I agree with PP, if you ask Children to leave by a certain time you are effectively giving their parents a curfew too, either that or they have to organise a babysitter to come and pick the kids up and look after them for a few hours, at 11pm at night, that isn't very feasible, if I had kids I would think that was a strange request, if it was no kids past 7-8pm (i.e. evening reception) I could understand that a lot more, but it would still be a PITA for people to work with. Either invite them all day or don't invite them at all.

    It's fine to draw the line and let your children attend and not others, they are your children and it's your wedding, just don't make other exceptions. 
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    I do not have a problem with inviting some kids and not others as long as it's a clear reasonable line.   Only your kids, only nieces/nephews, etc.  That is fine.   Picking and choosing kids within the same category is not in my opinion.

     I do not see the point of the 11pm curfew. What time is the reception until anyway? 11pm is pretty late already.  Not that 11pm is too late, just saying that people with kids or even older adults might be leaving by then anyway.  I'm just curious how much of the reception would they really be missing and is it even really necessary to give them a curfew.

    To answer your question I would find it odd if you gave everyone who has kids a curfew.  I would really give a side-eye if your own kids were not part of that curfew. 







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    How late is your reception going?  Why the 11 pm cutoff.  And what exactly are parents to do with their l'il ones at 11 pm, but leave with them.

    I have no concern at all about you including your own children at your wedding.  That's a whole different ball game from inviting your co-workers children.

    But don't put a random cut-off in.  That's just weird, IMO
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    Glad I found this board! I am in a similar situation. Part of my family who used to live in TX, are now moved to TN and I want them to all be included in the wedding. Problem is, they have 3 children (my cousins) ranging from 8-10 in age. The girl who is 10 will be a "junior bridesmaid." The 2 boys however will not be in the wedding. We are not inviting children to the wedding except them. They will be coming from TN and staying with family who will all be at the wedding.

    I know they are very well mannered and behaved children who will keep to themselves, but will people be annoyed that they were allowed while no other children were? I just don't know where the 2 boys would go if they could not come since Mom and Dad will both be at the wedding.
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    I think it's perfectly ok to give preference to your own children! Generally I've seen that close family members' children are invited, but not the children of distant cousins and co-workers, who you probably don't know anyway. Also, I wouldn't consider anyone under 21 a child. If you are inviting first cousins and some of your first cousins are 15, I would consider them adults. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_right-say-kids-can-dinnerreception-but-other-children-cant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:862c70dc-91f7-4512-b234-496933a7fe2dPost:9610f80b-7085-4666-9bc3-97f47a597c79">Re: Is it right to say that my kids can be at the dinner/reception but other children cant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Glad I found this board! I am in a similar situation. Part of my family who used to live in TX, are now moved to TN and I want them to all be included in the wedding. Problem is, they have 3 children (my cousins) ranging from 8-10 in age. The girl who is 10 will be a "junior bridesmaid." The 2 boys however will not be in the wedding. We are not inviting children to the wedding except them. They will be coming from TN and staying with family who will all be at the wedding. I know they are very well mannered and behaved children who will keep to themselves, but will people be annoyed that they were allowed while no other children were? I just don't know where the 2 boys would go if they could not come since Mom and Dad will both be at the wedding.
    Posted by luckylo72[/QUOTE]

    If they are your only cousins (or your only first cousins, and all the rest are second cousins and beyond), then it's fine because you're not picking and choosing.

    If there are more cousins and these three are the only ones allowed ... then people might get mad. It makes sense for the girl to be included because she's in the wedding party, and I agree that it'd be wrong to exclude her two brothers even though they are not in the wedding party ... but if you are saying that they are the only three cousins that can come, then the other cousins might be upset.

    It's ultimately your choice, but I think the point most of us are making is that you have better justification if you make an across-the-board rule. "They are our only first cousins" works fine, because people can't weasel their way in that way. "Three cousins are invited but the other five are not" doesn't give you much of a leg to stand on.

    Is there any way the two brothers can be included? Maybe as ushers, ring bearers, readers or Communion bearers? That way, you have the excuse of "Only kids involved in the wedding will be invited."
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    LasairionaLasairiona member
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    edited February 2010
    If you play favorites, you risk seriously offending people. Sometimes those rifts cannot be repaired. It makes them wonder what is special about your kids while theirs are not allowed anywhere.

    That said, I've always understood weddings to be family events that include children. Everyone I've met feels the same way, based on their own experiences.
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    No curfew.  That's a logistical nightmare, and if it's as late as 11pm, it's pretty unnecessary anyway.

    The best thing to do about kids is to have a clear, fair dividing line and stick to it, no exceptions.  B&G's immediate family, children involved in the ceremony, up to first cousins only, no kids at all, all of these are clear and indisputable, and you can't be accused of picking favorites.  And keep it fair for both sides, too: I had to talk circles around my mother before she understood that I couldn't let my brother bring his kids but tell FI's brother that he couldn't.
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    I'm not offended by a "limited kids" wedding, as long as the lines are clear. Like no child farther out than 1st cousin is invited at all is fine, imo, but if you go excluding like 4 of 6 first cousins, 2 out of 4 nieces/nephews and then let a friend bring her kids, but not the others ...  you're just asking for trouble.

    However, a curfew on the not-legal crowd that gets to attend is kind of ridiculous. If they aren't old enough to drink, their parents most likely drove them, so their parents would have to leave with them to abide by your rules. And most receptions don't go later than 11pm anyway, so why do they need to get booted "early"? Unless your crowd is mostly people in their very early 20s, most people won't stay until the end if it goes much later than that anyway.

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    What's with the curfew?  Are you expecting things to get way out of control or something? 

     I agree with Meg, if they aren't old enough to drink they'll probably leave with their parents.  If they're young they'd have to leave before then anyway because of bedtime.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_right-say-kids-can-dinnerreception-but-other-children-cant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:862c70dc-91f7-4512-b234-496933a7fe2dPost:9610f80b-7085-4666-9bc3-97f47a597c79">Re: Is it right to say that my kids can be at the dinner/reception but other children cant?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I know they are very well mannered and behaved children who will keep to themselves, but will people be annoyed that they were allowed while no other children were? I just don't know where the 2 boys would go if they could not come since Mom and Dad will both be at the wedding.
    Posted by luckylo72[/QUOTE]

    Yes.  The parents who obeyed your request and left their children at home will probably be upset when they get to your wedding and see other kids there.  As a parent, I have had this happen a few times - I get the "no kids" invitation, pay close to $100 for a sitter for the day/night, and get to the wedding to find a whole slew of kids dd's age running around, who are NOT in the WP.  It sends a clear message that the B&G don't like my child - even if that's not what they intended to convey.

    So yes - make an across the board rule and stick to it, or be prepared for a lot of your guests with children to be offended.
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