Ceremony and Reception Timing

ldawngirl

In a previous post on the food board, I was asking how many appetizers I should serve for our cocktail reception. We are not having a sit-down dinner (mostly to save money), so the plan was to have the ceremony around 4 (done by 4:30) and then start the cocktail reception at 7:30, leaving 3 hours in between for the venue to re-arrange the room and set up tables, etc. and also giving guests the chance to go eat dinner in between (if they wish). We will state on our invites that it is a cocktail reception, but some people who replied to the PP thought that people would not eat dinner before the reception and thus we should feed them a lot of food (12-20 pieces per person). If this is the way to go, it's still cheaper than doing a sit-down dinner, but what I'm wondering is, should we change our times and have the ceremony earlier in the day? So, for example, have the ceremony at 2 pm and then that leaves 5 hours for guests to go do whatever they like and then come back later for the reception? Thus meaning they'll have had food before they come.

Some of the issues that came up in the previous post won't be an issue for us (one of which was people not coming back to the reception, but as we're only have 80-90 people, they are all close friends and family and I would be shocked if there were people who just came for the ceremony and opted not to come back because they can't be bothered or are too lazy). And I've been to many weddings where the ceremony was early in the day (between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m.) and then there was the sit-down dinner around 6 p.m., so there was a large gap in between. To me, this is typical as most people do their photos in between the ceremony and reception and thus have several hours where guests go home, back to their hotels, out with other guests, etc. so we're not opposed to doing this. Thoughts? TIA

MyNameIsNot

Gaps of any length are rude.

If you don't want to serve enough food to be a meal, either start late enough so that people can get dinner first (ceremony at 8 with reception 9-12) or do the whole thing in the afternoon so that people can get dinner (ceremony at 2 and reception 3-6).

Leaving a gap is rude enough when it is for religious reasons, but to deliberately leave it so that your guests can go eat dinner on their own dime is just beyond inappropriate.  The fact that you've seen other people do it doesn't make it ok either.  I've seen plenty of people rob other people, but I don't pretend like that is ok.    

aerinpegadrak

MNIN is wise.  Gaps suck.  Reception immediately follows ceremony.

MyNameIsNot

Most people who use the same room hire staff that are capable of turning a room in an hour.  Seriously, 1.5-2 hours is excessive.  Then they host a cocktail hour in another room or outside during the change over, or they do the ceremony in the other room or outside.  You can put a tent with patio heaters outside if you are concerned about the weather.  Or they set the room up for the reception and have the ceremony that way.  

Your opinion may be that this is not rude, but it is a matter of fact that gaps are actually rude.  While you may understand, the majority of guests do not, and are put out to be invited to an event, and then be told to leave, but come back a few hours later.  

Think of it this way.  If you were having a super bowl party at your house, would you tell your guests that they need to leave during half time, but they can come back for the second half?  Yeah, a gap is just as ridiculous.  And I'm Catholic, FFS.  Either come up with a way to host them continually in this space, or choose a space that better fits your needs.  

gailpete

I agree with PPs.  I'm not a big fan of gaps when required due to religious reasons. A gap that would require me to leave the ceremony venue and then return to the exact same venue several hours later simply for furniture rearrangement and avoidance of providing a full meal, would tick me off.

I have no problem with a cocktail reception with hors d'ouevres, but don't make me entertain myself for 1.5 hours before the reception.  Find a venue that can do a faster turnaround between ceremony and reception.

schadbourne

i would suggest either starting later or serving a full meal.

I went to a cocktail reception where the ceremony started at 6:30 and the reception at 7:30. I dont personally like cocktail receptions because i love food (we went to applebees before and burger king after--oh and there was no alcohol) but the timeing worked out just fine.

MommyMarta08

2 hours to turn over a room is excessive. Have a cocktail hour in another room or outside with heat lamps. I'm getting married in October too in New England- We are renting heat lamps for like $400 and having the cocktail hour outside while the turn around happens. Serve smaller hors d'oeuvres, fruit, and cheese and open the bar. Then, go back to the room and have your reception. 

Amisslis

Years ago, I accompanied my then BF to his cousin's wedding. After a full Catholic mass, the guests had to drive 1 hour to the reception site. Once we arrived at the hotel, we spent 1 hour sitting in the bar waiting for the ballroom to be set-up. Once we were finally allowed to go upstairs, we endured a cocktail hour in an ante-room. In other words, there was a gap of at least 3 hours between the ceremony and the reception. 12 years later, I still talk about this wedding as the worst one I have ever attended. I don't recall what the bride wore, the decor, music, flowers, cake or food. All I recall is the huge inconvenience that they put their guests through. I am sure that this is not how they wanted people to remember their big day.

ckonidak

I have to agree with the PP's. While I certainly understand the weather worries you have (I live in Seattle where it shows a chance of rain 360 days of the year), some of the issues you're having started when you chose a venue that doesn't sound very professional, as even a 1 hr turnaround time is pushing it in my area  ... which leads me to wonder why you'd choose a venue with such an absurd turnaround time when they have no where to accommodate you in the mean time?

I am assuming that you are locked into your venue at this point, so even though a 2 hour gap is not exactly polite to your guests, it is now irrelevant unless you'll agree to leave the room set up for the reception and just have the ceremony at the front. I would probably recommend following the advice given above by Mysticl. Allow your guests to gather somewhere while you wait for your venue to flip the room. This is the respectful and courteous thing to do. Also, I wouldn't advertise that you're doing this just to save $. People spend a lot on weddings (both to have one and to attend) and you should strive to be respectful, to plan and budget accordingly so you can give your guests the best memory possible, while respecting their schedules for the day as well. 

ehighley

Time gap aside, I think that if you want to do a cocktail reception rather than a full dinner, it should be BEFORE dinner time. Think of it like a happy hour. Most people would prefer to have appetizers and drinks BEFORE dinner, rather than go to dinner and then come and eat appetizers. We are most likely doing something similar. We're leaning towards a 1:30 ceremony and a 3:00-8:00 reception so that people can eat as many appetizers (and cake) as they'd like at the reception, and then go on their merry ways to dinner or whatever at 8:00 when it ends.

Personally, if you do have a time gap, I don't think its a big deal. We were originally planning to have a four hour gap. Where I live, its pretty common. I would say at least 50% of weddings I've been to have had a time gap of more than an hour.

Good luck!