What to do between wedding and reception?

niclloyd

The latest time our Church will have a wedding is at 2pm.  wedding is over at 3pm.  We would like to have a later reception starting at 6.  We will have the reception room for 5 hours.  We are having many out of town guests.  Any suggestions on affordable ways to entertain our guests or should we just have an earlier reception?  Any suggestions or opinions?

MyNameIsNot

Please don't leave a gap.  If the ceremony ends at 3, start your reception at 3.  (Or 3:30 if there is travel.)  

We had the same Catholic church times thing, and we started at 3:30.  It was perfect.  

trix1223

Ditto MNIN.  If you're having a ceremony from 2-3, allow for some wiggle room, and then start your reception at 3:30.

As a guest, if I'm dressed up for a wedding, I don't want to troll a mall or visit an historic landmark or tourist attraction. 

In addtion, that gap means that you're now asking guests to give almost 12 hours to your wedding.  If your wedding starts at 2, they're starting to get ready at about noon.  Then they're driving to your ceremony to get there at about 1:30.  Ceremony.  Hang around unable to do anything for 3 hours.  Reception until 11 pm.

That's an awfully long day.

Change your reception time and start it earlier.

gottahavashorti

I am from Central PA and have never seen or heard of anyone having a gap, so I would suggest an earlier reception.  With 30 minutes for guests to exit the church and travel to the reception site, a cocktail hour 3:30-4:30, the reception would be 4:30-8:30 which isn't all that early.

Otherwise, have a place the guests can go for light refreshments - the church's reception hall, someone's home, a suite at the hotel where guests are staying.  I really can't stand the idea of avoidable gaps, though.  If guests are only coming from 2-3 hours away, they may want to travel there and back the same day, so a gap would make for a very long day or some people may skip the ceremony.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9b925da1-5ecb-4a12-98ff-b9cf42020672Post:3f33c592-3b17-4682-8cb1-da33399928bc">What to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]The latest time our Church will have a wedding is at 2pm.  wedding is over at 3pm.  We would like to have a later reception starting at 6.  We will have the reception room for 5 hours.  We are having many out of town guests.  Any suggestions on affordable ways to entertain our guests or should we just have an earlier reception?  Any suggestions or opinions?
Posted by niclloyd[/QUOTE]

I'd add a receiving line at the church.

Then, begin your reception at 4 PM.  Have a cocktail hour that may extend to the 5:30 point or so and then if possible, end the reception at 10.

You should NEVER plan to have a gap.  That's really rude to your guests to actually plan one.

Instead, plan ways to keep the party going AFTER the reception is over.

trix1223

banana's advice is better than mine.  Start your CH at 4:00, reception after.  And then if you must keep the party going, go out with your nearest and dearest for a kickin' afterparty.

pandasquishy

I like banana's advice, that's great.

I went to a wedding a couple years ago.  Ceremony was at 2, reception didn't start until 6.  We were at a loss for something to do.  The bride thought people could take rides in the limo for something to do while they were having pictures done, but that was a lame idea.  

My parents sat at my cousin's house with nothing to do.  I, my brother, and our dates had enough time to cross the border to Canada and do some gambling.  But it was a PITA.  My elderly Grandmother was so tired.  Please don't have a gap, it's not nice to your guests.

SaraAndrew2010

If you don't want to get rid of the gap entirely, I would still suggest moving your cocktail up closer to 5:00 so that the gap isn't so long.  It's nice if you can set up some kind of hospitality suite at the hotel or have a local relative host an open house where people can get refreshments (water, soda, maybe some snacks) and kill the time.

aerinpegadrak

Honestly, if I got an invitation to a 2:00 ceremony and a 6:00 reception, I'd pick one or the other to attend, not both.  I'm not going to give up my entire day for a wedding unless I'm in it.

MeaghanandMichael

If you do end up being stubborn about wanting the gap, make sure you at least set up something for your guests to do. I have seen people organize lawn games and light refreshments, or at least host a suite with refreshments for people to gather in. Whatever you do, prepare your venue that there may be early arrivals. As some one who works at a wedding venue, nothing is worse than having to tell early guests that thei host has not paid for them to be there yet.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9b925da1-5ecb-4a12-98ff-b9cf42020672Post:cc5bc76f-5df8-4a04-aa7d-2782032c97cd">Re: What to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]what im doing is just haveing a little cerimony with just close family then afterwards having a nice lunch with them as well as pictures. Then other family members and freinds are coming to the recption at 6.
Posted by meganjh2[/QUOTE]

This is rude. It's basically saying "we don't care enough about you to actually share our wedding with you, but we'll still invite you to a party in the hopes that you bring us a gift." I know that for many people the reception is the main part of a wedding, but the ceremony is actually the truly important part - if there are people you don't want to invite to your ceremony, you shouldn't invite them to anything.

banana468

Emily, I normally agree with you but I'll disagree with you here.

IF the OP is having a VERY intimate wedding - like the ceremony is under 20 people - then I'd understand the reception-only invitation.

Lasairiona

Move the ceremony or reception so that there is no gap. The only gap should be driving time (if any) to the reception. Contrary to belief, guests do not change clothes, go shopping or sightseeing, take a nap, etc between the ceremony and reception, nor do people have any desire to regardless if they are local or not.

krothaug

Our timeline is the same, ceremony ends at 3, reception starts at 6. My mother-in-law to be is throwing us aPre-Reception. We are having wine, beer, and pop for everyone to drink along with appetizers. Everyone is loving the idea of it. It allows everyone to start the party early plus we get to say thank you for coming prior to reception, which means we get to dance and have more fun!!

Kmartella4

Krothaug, we are doing this too! Most guest are OOT and we are having refreshments and snacks inbetween. We did not want our cocktail starting at 4pm..

Our ceremony ends at 3. Cocktails from 6-7 then dinner and start of reception at 7-12. I was concerned at first with the gap, but for the people that live close by they can go home and change, and for family they will all be together hanging out in between. This gives us time to hang out in the bridal room at our reception site with our bridal party relax and get our pictures done so we aren't getting pulled away as much and we can enjoy our guests!

nbasso

We have the same problem. Our church will not let us get married any later then 1 and we cannot get into the reception until 4. We worried about it for a little bit but gives guest time to go back to their hotel or I have even seem people go to other parties in between. It is your day you should do what you want.

banana468

[QUOTE]It is your day you should do what you want.[/QUOTE]

This phrase really needs to be removed from the vocabulary of those engaged or planning a wedding. 

It's not appropriate to leave your guests hanging around with nothing to do.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9b925da1-5ecb-4a12-98ff-b9cf42020672Post:a03fa31a-ec0a-4d34-ba24-068d284a9e87">Re: What to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]We have the same problem. Our church will not let us get married any later then 1 and we cannot get into the reception until 4. We worried about it for a little bit but gives guest time to go back to their hotel or I have even seem people go to other parties in between. It is your day you should do what you want.
Posted by nbasso[/QUOTE]

<div>This is rude.  You need to change your reception or at least host them during the break.  People do not want to wonder around in their dress clothes waiting for you to get around to hosting them.</div><div>
</div><div>As soon as you start inviting other people, it becomes inappropriate to ignore their comfort and convenience for your own pleasure.</div>

felicia220

I think it would be great to have a family member host something in between for OOT Guests.  We are having a 40 min gap and our guests will be served drinks on the beach during that time.  But I have been to weddings with the same issue and I would just go back to the hotel, or grab a bite to eat.  I never really saw it as a big deal.  I will say though there were a couple times when I just wasn't up for it and ended up skipping the ceremony.  But having someone host something would be best.  

ErinB1212

That's what we are doing. Our ceremony is at 2 and our reception won't start until 6pm. We wanted to give enough time to take pictures cause we wanted to go to the coctail hour. Also, this way there will be enough time for your guest to check in at the hotel if they are staying over. Also, don't worry about what they are going to do, I have been to plenty of weddings where there have been 2 or 3 hour gaps and we usually end up going to a local bar for a drink or two and then head over to the reception. I think it's a good idea to have a gap, less pressure and you have time to get most of your pictures out of the way so you can enjoy the rest of the night.

Good Luck!

banana468

[QUOTE] I think it's a good idea to have a gap, less pressure and you have time to get most of your pictures out of the way so you can enjoy the rest of the night.[/QUOTE] 

If you time things well, there isn't any "pressure" and you're still being cordial to your guests.

We had no gap, attended our cocktail hour and still took photos with the BP.

It can be done - and once you invite guests, you need to put them first.

omgitsrojo

I think it is okay to have a gap, since many churches do not have late afternoon weddings and many couples like to have evening receptions. I do think it is courteous to offer some sort of activity for guests in between- I've heard of having light refreshments at a family member's house or in a hospitality room at the hotel (assuming you have OOT guests and are using a hotel), but I do not think it is necessary.

After reading many of the responses, it seems like the advice is to move/change your times, but if it is not feasible, then I think it is fine to have the gap. Sometimes things don't work out perfectly, so don't feel bad if it is unavoidable.

arch16

I agree. Having a gap is fine.  I've been to many weddings (especially Catholic) that have gaps.  For all the people on here who keep complaining that it's rude to the guests...all I have to say is this: If you're invited to a wedding and wililng to go, it means you care about the couple and are willing to give them your day.  Honestly, what else do you really have to do that day that is so much more important?  Are you missing your favourite tv show?  Can't run errands that day?  Come on!  We give entire days all the time to way less important events.   When I attend a wedding, I plan on it taking the whole day. 

I agree that we should be accommodating to guests... but at the same time, if you can't change it then you can't change it.  You're investing a lot of time, energy, and money in this event and should have the pictures and reception and everything the way you want.  The people who love you and WANT to be at your wedding won't mind the gap at all.  Those who choose either ceremony or reception (UNBELIEVABLE!!) or complain about waiting are probably people you don't want there anyway.  Just my personal opinion.

Just Jen

yeah, I wouldn't listen to these people. You don't have to change anything -- like 95% of the weddings I've been to have had a gap. No one has ever "organized" anything for me to do during that time. it's never been a problem. And I've never minded.

arch16

Wow! To the post above:  Look, we aren’t talking about purposefully being inconsiderate and being “little princesses” on the day and forcing the people who love you to put up with our Bridezillaness.  If you knew me, you’d know that’s the furthest from the truth.  All I’m saying is if you can’t avoid the gap then don’t stress about it.  Try to find something for them to do that will keep them occupied (=being a good host).  And yes, some people will get upset…but then again, there are always going to be those people who will find fault at everything.  You can’t please everyone.  And if you want to look at it as rudely inconveniencing your guests, then you might as well not have a wedding! After all, it is an inconvenience to everyone who has to fly or drive out to your wedding, take time off, buy a gift, get a hotel, and all else.  Might as well not bother then.  All of that aside, no you shouldn’t inconvenience them more but  if you can’t avoid the gap, it’s okay.  Try to find something for people to do and those that do want to be there will find a way to have a good time.   

And I’m sorry but Banana, I just don’t agree with your logic either.  The people who love you aren’t going to sit around complaining  about you behind your back on your wedding day because they weren’t entertained every second of the day.  They will be excited for your wedding, excited to see old friends and catch up.  They flew and drove out just for that purpose and couldn’t care less about a gap that lasts as long as the last worthless movie they went to see.  And if you still disagree, then I guess we have difference in opinion but I don't think we should make those brides with no choice even more worried and depressed over a situation they have no control over.

gottahavashorti

There's a difference between an avoidable and an unavoidable gap, but they usually are avoidable.  If a church won't allow a ceremony past 2pm, either find a venue that will allow you to start the cocktail hour shortly after the ceremony would end or book, say, an 11:30am ceremony and the daytime slot at a reception venue that does 2 receptions per day.

Your guests shoudln't be inconvenienced from when the ceremony begins until the reception ends.  For those who have driven 2-3 hours and are not getting a hotel room, ceremony + gap + reception = a very long day without reason.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_between-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9b925da1-5ecb-4a12-98ff-b9cf42020672Post:794b80b8-ec1c-495f-8f8e-57832d4fd255">Re: What to do between wedding and reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow! To the post above:   Look, we aren’t talking about purposefully being inconsiderate and being “little princesses” on the day and forcing the people who love you to put up with our Bridezillaness.   If you knew me, you’d know that’s the furthest from the truth.   All I’m saying is if you can’t avoid the gap then don’t stress about it.   Try to find something for them to do that will keep them occupied (=being a good host).   [/QUOTE]

Actually, finding something to keep your guests occupied during the gap doesn't make you a good host.

HOSTING something during the gap makes you a good host.  If you're not hosting something during the gap, it's rather impossible to be considered a good host since you're not actually hosting.


[QUOTE]And yes, some people will get upset…but then again, there are always going to be those people who will find fault at everything.   You can’t please everyone.   And if you want to look at it as rudely inconveniencing your guests, then you might as well not have a wedding! After all, it is an inconvenience to everyone who has to fly or drive out to your wedding, take time off, buy a gift, get a hotel, and all else.   Might as well not bother then.   All of that aside, no you shouldn’t inconvenience them more but   if you can’t avoid the gap, it’s okay.   Try to find something for people to do and those that do want to be there will find a way to have a good time.     [/QUOTE]

If you actually HOST something in the interim then fine.  Plenty of people do this when they know that the gap isn't avoidable.  THAT is what makes them good hosts.

Sure, some people might complain about everything, but it's actually a rather large  imposition you're creating by having a huge gap - and yes, that IS your creation.  Sometimes it's an unavoidable creation as some areas aren't friendly with church/reception times however it IS your choice to do things a certain way.

[QUOTE]And I’m sorry but Banana, I just don’t agree with your logic either.   The people who love you aren’t going to sit around complaining   about you behind your back on your wedding day because they weren’t entertained every second of the day.   They will be excited for your wedding, excited to see old friends and catch up. They flew and drove out just for that purpose and couldn’t care less about a gap that lasts as long as the last worthless movie they went to see.   And if you still disagree, then I guess we have difference in opinion but I don't think we should make those brides with no choice even more worried and depressed over a situation they have no control over.
Posted by arch16[/QUOTE]

I'm telling you that yes, guests DO complain.  I've been a guest, I've listened to guests who dealt with this and I've read the boards.  You can disagree with me but it's not just the two of us who will have a difference of opinion.  It will be anyone who has to deal with a gap who has that.

The point is that brides DO have some control.  They may be able to choose the ceremony venue and they can certainly choose the reception venue.  They can come up with solutions to avoid the gap in the first place or they can host something while the gap exists.  It's all about choices - and the hosts are the ones making them.

But to not host anything isn't nice to your guests who DID take the time to fly out and attend your wedding.  If that makes a bride depressed, perhaps she should think about ways to fix the situation.