Is It Tacky?? (x-posted)

smilelikeshane

My fiance and each have different desires for our wedding.  He wants everybody under the sun to be there (including my dad's friends that I don't even know) and doesn't care if we do it in the back yard.  I want it to be intimate (really don't want people congratulating me as I wonder who they might be) and fancy.  So, basically, he wants to spend the budget on quantity and I want to spend it on quality.

We decided a compromise would be to have a small, intimate, fancy wedding with just our closest family and friends (100 people or so - down from the 250 we currently have on the list) and then do a really big casual party in the summer and invite everyone.

Do you think this is tacky?  Part of me feels like it's probably tacky to invite people to a big party in celebration of our marriage moths after we've been married.  Almost like saying, "Hey, you weren't special enough to come to our real wedding but please attend our fake one."  This is especially weird to me if people bring gifts to the party but didn't actually see us get married.

Thoughts on how to handle this?  Is it weird or am I overthinking and it's totally fine?

vsgal

What is the difference between inviting everyone to the wedding now and having them congratulate you and having a party in the summer for everyone and having them congratulate you then?  Are you going to know them more a couple of months later?   You get one reception.  If you and FI want to have a summer BBQ, that is fine.  It  cannot be wedding related. 

It is not fine to do this in the capacity you are expecting. It is saying "Hey, you weren't special enough to come to our real wedding but please attend our fake one.  Oh, and bring a gift" 

I did not  know everyone at my wedding, but that did not stop me from being gracious and thankful that they came.  My H's friends and family are mine and vice versa. 

AdeleDazeem

Your feelings on the second party are correct... just have the 100 person wedding and call it a day.

If you want to have a party at a later date for some other reason (Happy summer!  Happy 4th of July!  Happy Kwanzaa!) knock yourself out.  But, don't relate it to your wedding.

AurorasEnvy

I agree, your feelings are correct.

Maybe have a huge house warming party after the wedding?  (If you are moving into a new home together)

hboo2011

You are right. Please don't do that. The only time an intimate wedding w a later reception is when some brides do a small (maybe 10/15 people) destination wedding and have a 200 person reception at home. If you don't know your dad's friends now, you won't know them over the summer. And if I wasn't included in the initial 100 but included in the second 250, I'd be offeded for exaxt same reason you said. Maybe do a small (10-15 person of very immediate family) initimate wedding ceremony and the 250 people reception.

renegade gaucho

100 people is not an intimate ceremony.  If you want to do an intimate ceremony/large reception, you need to keep the ceremony to immediate family only.  And I agree with PP who said there's no real difference between having a big event on the day of the wedding or doing it later.  Why not split the difference and invite 150-175 people to both the ceremony and the reception?

maribeth721

i would not do the second party. it does sort of say hey we didnt want you at our real wedding but come to this one. 100 people is not intimiate - still a decent sized wedding. If you can afford to do more with 100 people thats one thing. Just think about what's most important to you. Theres still a lot of nice and faily inexpensive things you can do for 200+ people. Can you an FH compromise a little and get the list down to 150? For example, you mentioned your Dad's friends who you don't even know. Why does FH want them there? Explain how maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to invite people you really dont know.

aragx6

As long as it's really casual and not at all wedding related I have no problem with a big party in the summer.

rhodewl

Is what we are doing is having an immediate family only small ceremoney followed by a small lunch. Than later in the evening we are having a big reception, BBQ style at a family home. This way we feel that we are able to include everyone in the manor in which fits us. We perfer to have an intimate ceremoney and know that we need to include family at some point. This is a common type of event here and maybe it is right for you as well. Good Luck! )

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_tacky-x-posted-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:9e65ce62-06fa-47de-b0dc-71e9b1ca53dcPost:db48fb74-8902-4222-b309-0e7c5c5f91ae">Re: Is It Tacky?? (x-posted)</a>:
[QUOTE]Is what we are doing is having an immediate family only small ceremoney followed by a small lunch. Than later in the evening we are having a big reception, BBQ style at a family home. This way we feel that we are able to include everyone in the manor in which fits us. We perfer to have an intimate ceremoney and know that we need to include family at some point. This is a common type of event here and maybe it is right for you as well. Good Luck! :o)
Posted by rhodewl[/QUOTE]

<div>Yup, it was rude last week when the post is relevant and it's still rude this week.</div>