HELP!! Need to compromise...somehow!!

Lemeyers85

I need some objective advice! My FI and I started planning a wedding and we realized it was turning into something we didn't want. I spoke with my mom and she actually suggested a destination wedding. My FI and I were all for it. My FI suggested I wait until after the holidays to make sure this is want I really wanted for our wedding...didn't want me making a decision on the stress of the holidays. I decided it was and called my mom to confirm her and my father were okay with it. She then told me after thinking about it she wasn't okay with it anymore- there are members I am close to that would not be able to afford it. I am having a really hard time figuring out what I should do....I want both. I want a party with the fam and I also want it to be just us. We do not have money to do both. I was never the girl that dreamed about her wedding....I don't really know or have a picture of what I want it to be so the advice I should do what I want because I am the bride doesn't help. I need some creative ways to somehow how do both...a combination- something that will make "everyone" happy (I know this is impossible but something close would be nice !) Any suggestions? I am creatively tapped out at this point.

Sorry if this is a little garbled...my head has been spinning for days!

WildMagelet

Figure out what's best for *you*.

Sit down with your FI and figure out what your priorities are in regards to your wedding.

I wanted:

- the PPD, not just a trip to the courthouse

- to be surrounded by my closest family & friends

- to not go in debt over 1 day

He wanted:

- where we got married to have *meaning* to us

- not to have a bunch of blood-related strangers present

- to not spend a ton of money on the ceremony 

I had originally pictured a "big party with the fam" (I have a large family), but after going over my priorities, I realized that there were only 3 people from my side of the family that absolutely HAD to be there in my eyes.  FI was the same way, so instead of a "big party with the fam" we're having an intimate wedding of around 35 people total.

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aimeebarlow

I don't know where your at in relation to the coast, but a wedding on a cruise can be done for a fairly reasonable rate. I have a friend who did one, and she was surprised at how cost effective it turned out to be. They did it in off season, during the week. They paid for the ceremony aboard the ship (a few extras, but food is included inthe price of the ticket), and the parents. They gave everyone a years notice to save, and they got a great group rate for the cruise. I think about 50 people ended up going, and it was 5 days of party! (no one had to pay airfare that wouldn't have had to anyways because we are conveniently located in Florida).

Eliz77

I'm kinda in the same boat. My parents aren't the most sociable people-they'd rather have root canal than attend weddings/showers. My father spent years telling me I should get married in Venice with just a few famiy/friends. I don't want to go broke over a big fancy wedding either, BUT it is very important to me to be surrounded by friends and most especially my grandparents, who will not fly. My FI is all about Venice but is pretty much leaving it up to me. My mom also recently said she doesn't think a destination wedding/Venice is the way to go. I'm looking for affordable venues and most likely will do that and just keep it small-I already know we have 75-100 people we feel we should invite...

Maggie0829

You need to decide what is best for you and your FI.  Like a PP said, you will never make everyone happy so stop trying.  You and your FI need to be happy with your wedding. 

If a destination wedding is something you want then do it...but you need to remember that not everyone will be able to afford it so there may be some family/friends that you really want to be at your wedding but they can't make it because of the distance or cost...this is the price you pay when you have a DW.

ljones725

I think I'd forgo a honeymoon and do an intimate (just immediate family) destination wedding and then a reception when we returned home.

alithebride

dh and i wanted a destination wedding too-and then we found out just how many poeple that we really wanted with us for our wedding wouldn't be able to make it. so we got married at my church and a great venue and it was wonderful. we're both very close to our families and wanted them there more than anything.

in the end-it's totally up to you. you wont ever make everyone happy. if you want these people to be with you without fail and they wont be able to make it to the DW then you have your answer.

ChiMadWedding

I second some advice from above. 1. Destination small wedding 2. Big family reception at home. My FI has a HUGE family that is mostly here in Wisconsin. My mother is paying for the wedding though and we want a good modestly expensive time for a smaller number of guests without feeling like she's paying out the ass for his family. So, golf/resort wedding and a little later a larger but lower key picnic/dinner in the small town that he's from for the larger party. It's made it easier on him with who to invite and not to and made things easier with my mother. AND we get to have the fancy dinner and fun stuff at the resort. Good luck! Hope it helps.

mavargo

I  agree with the advice above. Small destination wedding. Big celebration at home. My FI and I are doing a destination wedding in NC. We have about 50 people following us.  And then two months later doing an open house celebrations for around 200 people. It is themed as casual and fun. As my FI and i decided if people can't make it to the destination wedding we aren't going to lose sleep over it.  We thought about not doing a destination wedding and then asked ourselves the question " Will I look back in 5 years and wish We had gone to NC?"  Needless to say we decided we would regret not going to NC. The wedding is about us not the people showing up.