How to avoid reception seating drama

mlisa04

So, our reception isn't going to be very formal. We have no wedding party. We're having a nice buffet, full hosted bar, dancing etc.. I feel like there is no need to assign seating. (honestly I don't want to deal with it.) But how do I decide where WE sit?

Both of us have divorced parents. Grooms mom has not remarried (she's kinda a loner) but my mom, his dad, and my dad all have. Both our moms would rather not deal with our dads. We each have one living set of grandparents and one sibling. My Mom and my Dad's parents are actually helping foot the bill for the wedding, no one I don't want to piss anyone off. but I guess I can't control everything.

I feel like there is gonna be drama no matter how I do it.  Do you think the two of us should just have our own little table, or any suggestions? Do you think we should assign seating just for our immediate families? HELP?

mlisa04

120  invited

mlisa04

I meant to say my Grandparents on my dad's side and my Mom are paying for most of it, if it matters. (and us of course.)

Simply Fated

For 120 people I'd plan to assign tables. You and your new husband can sit at a table with just the two of you or with some of your friends and their dates. Please don't just assign tables for some people and not others. It's all very VIP to me and I'm not a fan. Not that your parents aren't, but I don't think it's good to publicly group people, ya know?

mlisa04

Oh, I didn't think about it like that. You're probably right. Man. Yay for more work. ha ha

tenofcups4me

The fact that there's family that doesn't get along makes it even MORE important to assign seating. That way, you can control who sits where and make sure the appropriate people all feel equally important.

DramaGeek

We didn't assign seats, and we didn't save any for ourselves.  We did have a buffet, so while everyone else was eating we snuck away with the plates the caterer made up for us and ate separately from our guests.  It was the only time we had together all day and it was really nice to get that 15-20 minutes to relax.  Then we made our grand entrance and spent most of the rest of the night circulating amongst our guests.

skippylouwho

As your guest - ASSIGN ME TO A TABLE.  I don't want to have to walk in and home I can find seats for DH and myself that are together. I don't want to have to walk up to 10 different tables asking "are these seats taken".  At least assign me/us to a specific table, if not to specific seats.  Give each parent their own table, let them pick who sits at the table.  Assign the rest of your guests to the other tables. 

jessicabessica

I would assign tables with the size of the wedding and the potential for family drama.  We had no wedding party, so we sat at a round table with our siblings and their SOs, which was nice.  If you don't have anyone you'd want to sit with, you could have a sweetheart table.  

Give each one of your parents their own table and let them pick who they would like to sit with.  Put each parent table in equally good spots (close to you, view of the dancefloor, etc.).  

In the scheme of wedding planning, assigned tables is not that big of a headache.  It really increases your guests' comfort unless open seating is the norm in your circle.  

cebrady89

I would definitely assign seating - I'd recommend it for even the smallest of weddings. I went to one where everyone kept moving chairs from other tables so they could sit with their friends, and then there were a bunch of empty, chairless tables sitting around the room that just looked ridiculous and were a waste of centerpieces, frankly. 

It's definitely a hassle to assign people to tables, but guests will appreciate having a designated spot for the night, and you can avoid any family drama

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_avoid-reception-seating-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:b98c69ae-5a87-48d7-ae51-508a1f85e73ePost:9ea6bcc6-30e9-4f6d-93d9-b1827c9e9d1c">Re: How to avoid reception seating drama</a>:
[QUOTE]As your guest - ASSIGN ME TO A TABLE.  I don't want to have to walk in and home I can find seats for DH and myself that are together. I don't want to have to walk up to 10 different tables asking "are these seats taken".  At least assign me/us to a specific table, if not to specific seats.  Give each parent their own table, let them pick who sits at the table.  Assign the rest of your guests to the other tables. 
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

This!  Assigning seats is beneficial for your guests.  I also love the idea of giving each parent their own table and letting them decide who they want to sit with.  Also, I know that there may be bad blood between certain individuals, but they are adults and should be able to act appropriately for at least an hour (which is really the max time anyone will be sitting at the assigned table) during dinner.  Once dinner is over with everyone will be moving around, dancing, talking and mingling...it isn't like you are forcing people to only hang out with the other 7 individuals at their table for the rest of the night.

chickenbut143

OP, we were going to do this exact thing.  We're having a buffet, open bar, dancing..ect.  and FI does not think we should assign tables.  I've since explained the drama of not (some family doesn't get along w/ others) and even though they're expected to act appropriately, i'm not willing to tempt fate and the need for more tables (since none will be full - human nature). Even with all of that, my FI is still against it, but i'm planning it anyway.

ETA: we're inviting 140 - anticipating around 100.

skantrowitz

With 120 people, I would definitely assign tables.  Otherwise you end up with tables that don't have enough room for a family that wants to sit together, random single empty chairs, people moving chairs around, etc.

I think I'd go with a sweetheart table for you two as well.  We're in a similar situation, and I think we're going to do that.  That way you're not "picking your favorite parents" or having a really gigantic bridal party table, and people in the  bridal party can sit with friends.

mlisa04

Thanks guys, really appreciate all the suggestions. I think we'll have our own sweetheart table, 4 separate parent tables, and then assign tables for everyone else. Geez parents really make it complicated for weddings when they get divorced! lol

alithebride

assign tables for your guests. honestly it will take you about an hour. do it and spare yourself the drama.

ElisabethJoanne

Glad you've got it sorted out. My 2 cents for other brides:

As a regular guest, I prefer not to be assigned to a table/seat. That wandering around is part of the fun for me.

Assigned seats for just the bridal party and parents is traditional. I don't see a problem with a head table for the bride, groom and those members of the bridal party (and any dates) that make sense, and then 2 parents' tables.

We will not have assigned seats/tables, but will have a "family table" for the bride, groom, and our immediate families, but we're not dealing with any family drama.

As a guest, if you assign me a table/seat, please make sure more than one other social unit has RSVP'd yes and is assigned to my table. I once spent an awkward wedding reception at a half-empty table with 2 parents (old friends, true) and their 3 preschool kids. One parent was constantly up taking care of a kid, and I felt like the other felt constrained to stay just to keep me company.

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_avoid-reception-seating-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b98c69ae-5a87-48d7-ae51-508a1f85e73ePost:9ea6bcc6-30e9-4f6d-93d9-b1827c9e9d1c">Re: How to avoid reception seating drama</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>As your guest - ASSIGN ME TO A TABLE.  I don't want to have to walk in and home I can find seats for DH and myself that are together.</strong> I don't want to have to walk up to 10 different tables asking "are these seats taken".  At least assign me/us to a specific table, if not to specific seats.  Give each parent their own table, let them pick who sits at the table.  Assign the rest of your guests to the other tables. 
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS.  I've been to 2-3 weddings without assigned seating, and all of them were terrible trying to find a seat.  What happens to the family of 4-5 people who don't arrive at the very start of the reception and can't find seats together?  Also, with all the family drama that might on with Aunt X doesn't want to sit by Aunt Y, etc., what if people who don't like each other get stuck together because those are the only seats left?</div><div>
</div><div>Do your guests a favor and give them a reserved seat/table so it isn't a total clusterf#ck of people trying to find seats.</div>

kennazebrowsky

I would assign tables or have a lot of extra seats and tables. The last wedding I went to had about 120 ish people and no assigned seating and it was a disaster. People were saving seats for other people or didnt want people they didnt know sitting with them. A lof of people ended up leaving cause they had no where to sit. The seating chart is not too hard. the knot has a virtual one and it will list all the guests on the side and then you put them at the tables where you want them. All you have to do is make sure you group people who know eachother or would get along well.

Starfish0116

I'm all for assigned tables. As a guest, I really prefer it. I'm not a shy person at all, but even I feel uncomfortable just going up to a random table of people and asking to sit with them. 

I attended the wedding of a friend that was about 2.5 hours from me. I had to go alone, as FI was out of town, and I didn't know anyone. She had a very casual dessert reception (but with dancing) and no assigned seating. I was so uncomfortable because I was alone and didn't know anyone. After seeing me sit at a table alone a nice older couple invited me to join them at their table and I spent the rest of the evening sitting with them talking. No one bothered to introduce themselves to me (clearly seeing I was alone), and it made me too uncomfortable to join in the party/dancing. At the same time the couple had A TON of empty tables because their friends all crowded around a few tables. It made the whole place look super empty and was a waste of centerpieces. 

raelionheart

I dislike the idea of assigned seats and I truly hope I can get away without doing a seating chart for my own wedding.  I've never been to a wedding with assigned seats and it's never been a problem.

I recently attended a very small wedding of a friend.  The only other person I knew was in the bridal party and so was sitting at the head table.  I happened to become aqcuainted with some of her work friends while waiting for the ceremony and was able to sit with them for dinner rather than getting stuck with another random group of people and starting over from square one.

Assigned seats just remind me of grade school.  are we really not mature enough to handle choosing a chair without it becoming a huge ordeal? (I realize the answer to this often is "no, people can't be trusted to make even simple decisions" but if you're that concerned about drama they'll find a way no matter what you do.)