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Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?

Our wedding party is going to be seated at one table with my FI & I.
Where should their significant other sit? I was thinking about seating all of them together with some mutual friends...Im sure they would rather sit together though...I dont know.
What are you doing for your bridal party table & their dates?
 TIA

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Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?

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    You should seat them with their dates. There's no need to split them apart for the night. It's rude, plus your guests are not interested in staring at your wedding party members while they're eating.

    I can understand wanting to sit with your friends. You could ask your hall if they have a large table and that way you could sit with all of them and their dates.

    If that's not possible or if your wedding party is too large, then another option is to sit with the Best Man and Maid of Honor and their dates, or your siblings and their dates. Then seat the other WP members with their dates at nearby tables, or at tables with mutual friends.

    Fi was in a wedding a while back, and he and I sat at a table with some other couples our age. The bride and groom had a sweetheart table to themselves. So that's another idea, a sweetheart table. (Every recent wedding I've attended has done a sweetheart table ... I haven't seen a wedding party-only head table since 1992.) Or you could sit with both sets of parents if you wish, and then the WP and their dates can sit nearby or scattered around the room with friends. If your toastmasters wind up sitting at a different table than you, then they can just come forward for the toast.

    Our reception hall's tables seat 10 people each, and we have four people in our WP. If they all bring a date, that's 10 people right there (at least two will be bringing dates, we know). So we are sitting at the 10-person table with them and their dates. We get to be with our WP, and they get to be with their dates. Win-win!
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    They should sit with their dates.  Either make your headtable large enough to accommodate everyone or do a sweetheart table and let the WP sit with the rest of the guests (and their dates).

    It is rude to separate couples.
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    I think I might be able to pull off a big enough table for all of us to sit, including WP's dates & kids, which would be about 25pp. Our venue is a large room that has tons of tables, square & round, so I could get a bunch of square ones & push them together and make one large table & see how it looks. If that doesnt work out than we'll probably just sit with our parents, maid of honor & best man, and scatter the rest of the wedding party around different tables with their dates. Thanks for the input=)
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    Putting together a bunch of square tables to sit 25 around it means that you won't really be able to talk with anyone much at all.

    I'd sooner see you have a sweetheart table where you'll get a couple of minutes of welcome "privacy" with your new DH.  Your WP can sit at tables with their dates and other guests with whom they'll have something in common.

    If your goal is to share the dinner with your WP, seating them at a table big enough to hold 25 pretty much defeats that, doesn't it?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:179db6f2-e9dc-4190-a4ef-50c4d2c34bcc">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having a head table, no dates sitting there, just the BP.  I've been to weddings and have worked (as a caterer) thousands and def. don't think its rude for their dates to be seated at another table.  They understand the premise of the situation when they RSVP.  Honestly, its your day and about you.  Put them where you want.  If you think they'll be uncomfortable, my FI and I are both inviting our BP's significant others to any bridal shower, bachelorette party, or bachelor party so they have the opportunity to get together and get to know each other before they have to sit together for a few hours.  Besides, after dinner, everyone gets up and mingles anyway so its not like they won't see each other. Good luck!
    Posted by fallingwater[/QUOTE]

    No.  It is rude to seat guests without their dates.  What if one of the dates doesn't know anybody?  I would feel very awkward if I was in the WP and my date was sitting with a bunch of people he didn't know.  My FI is extremely shy and feels very awkward in situations where he knows nobody.  Even if you invite them to get togethers so they can mingle beforehand, you can't assume that they will all hit it off.  In fact, the exact opposite could happen.  It may be "your day", but when you invite other people you have a responsibility to be a good hostess.  "Put them where you want" makes them sound like props, not like good friends.
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    I'm with fallingwater... every wedding I've ever been to has had the traditional head table with the bride, groom and wedding party. The wedding party's dates sat at a table nearby. Just like they had to sit somewhere in the church with the other guests during the ceremony... or is splitting up dates for a few hours so rude these days that we're having our wedding party's dates stand up at the altar with us too?

    I don't see anything wrong with it, and if that's what you want to do... by all means, do it!
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    When I was MOH in a wedding, FI ended up at a different table because the head table consisted of the bride, groom, and WP.  He was SO uncomfortable because he didn't know a single soul at the wedding besides me and the bride.  He said dinner was awful - nobody talked to him and when he tried to include himself in the conversation, they looked at him like he had 3 heads.  He was so uncomfortable that he got up and left and went to Wendy's for an  hour until dinner was over and then came back to the reception.  Do you REALLY want to do that to your guests, regardless of who they are?  That's just inconsiderate on your part to deliberately put someone through something like that.  A year or so after the wedding, the topic got brought up to my friend (the bride) that FI had left during dinner and she asked me why.  Five years later, she is STILL apologizing every time she sees him and I know she feels awful about it, even after all these years.

    So for the big day, FI sat by himself during the ceremony, sat by himself while we were off taking pictures during cocktail hour, sat by himself for part of dinner and ended up choosing fast food over the uncomfortable atmosphere, and didn't get to spend any time with me until dancing started.  Since he was so uncomfortable with his tablemates (who all knew each other) I just dragged an empty chair up to the head table and he stayed with me the rest of the night.  And it's not like FI is a shy guy - he's pretty outgoing and can talk to just about anyone.

    I would recommend either a sweetheart table, or a head table with your parents (which is what we'll probably do.)
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    My wedding party sat with their dates.

    If you choose to seperate the dates then sit them at tables with people they know.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I was in a similar situation to Chosen's FI--My FI (then boyfriend) was  a groomsman and the only people I knew were in the wedding party all eating at the head table. . It was so awkward! Rather than go to Wendy's, I handled it by finding a table as close to the bar as I could get and drinking until I didn't really notice the awkwardness anymore. And then, later, I passed out. Certainly not my finest hour, but a situation that could have been avoided if I hadn't been left to my own devices for two hours.

    Also, to the PP who mentioned having the dates stand at the altar--not even close to the same thing! Even if you are sitting through the ceremony with people you know, you really should't be talking to them anyway. Sitting quietly through a ceremony by yourself is a non issue as compared to sitting by yourself at the reception.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:23933298-a46d-4d28-bf37-241bc525cc76">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with fallingwater... every wedding I've ever been to has had the traditional head table with the bride, groom and wedding party. The wedding party's dates sat at a table nearby. Just like they had to sit somewhere in the church with the other guests during the ceremony... or is splitting up dates for a few hours so rude these days that we're having our wedding party's dates stand up at the altar with us too? I don't see anything wrong with it, and if that's what you want to do... by all means, do it!
    Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]
    Just because you'be been to many weddings with head tables w/o dates for the BP doesn't mean it's not rude.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

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    If you wouldn't sit separately from your husband at your wedding, don't ask your wedding party to do that either.

    Seat them WITH their dates.  Past practice is not an indication of appropriate behavior. 
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    I have been to a few weddings where the bride and groom really didn't like the idea of a sweetheart table but after the wedding they told me, they were glad they did.  They said it was the only time that they got to have a moment to themselves.  No regrets for them.  

    As far as where to seat the wedding party dates.  They should be seated together.  You can not compare it to the ceremony for many reasons, a ceremony is much shorter then a reception and as someone mentioned there is no talking during a ceremony.  As for it being your wedding, if I was invited and could not sit next to my FI  I would not come to your wedding, in turn effecting the gift you would receive.  You are inviting people to share in your special day but on "your terms" .  I just ask this, are you really okay with people leaving your wedding saying "that was the worst wedding I have ever been to?" Because of all the weddings I have been to (6 in the past year) the ones where the bride had the attitude of "its my day" were also the worst weddings for the guests.


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    jennabrad1023jennabrad1023 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2010
    My headtable is only going to consist of me, my future husband :), and my 2 daughters.  The rest of our attendants will sit with their spouses or dates but we are going to keep them close by.  I think the spouses and dates will feel much comfortable with their loved one by their sides....that way they can engage in conversations instead of sitting with people they don't know.  Plus I know if it were me....I would want to sit with my husband.  Good luck!!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:179db6f2-e9dc-4190-a4ef-50c4d2c34bcc">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having a head table, no dates sitting there, just the BP.  I've been to weddings and have worked (as a caterer) thousands and def. don't think its rude for their dates to be seated at another table.  They understand the premise of the situation when they RSVP.  Honestly, its your day and about you.  Put them where you want.  If you think they'll be uncomfortable, my FI and I are both inviting our BP's significant others to any bridal shower, bachelorette party, or bachelor party so they have the opportunity to get together and get to know each other before they have to sit together for a few hours.  Besides, after dinner, everyone gets up and mingles anyway so its not like they won't see each other. Good luck!
    Posted by fallingwater[/QUOTE]

    I know plenty of people that burp and refuse to excuse themselves.  They do it around each other and no one is offended or upset.  Just because people do it, does not mean it isn't rude.  Separating people from their dates is flat out rude.  It's your wedding and you can be rude to your guests if you want, but it is still rude.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited February 2010
    My BP sat with their dates.

    We did a sweetheart table, and then sat the BP where we would have sat them for any other event (So my sibilings sat with my parents, his sister sat with her family, the friends sat with all of the other friends). Everybody was very happy with this arrangement, including us.

    Separating BP members from their dates during dinner is pretty rude, and it's pretty unnecessary. I understand that they and their dates need to "suck it up" for the ceremony and formal pics, but once they've entered the reception, there is no reason for them to be separated.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:179db6f2-e9dc-4190-a4ef-50c4d2c34bcc">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having a head table, no dates sitting there, just the BP.  I've been to weddings and have worked (as a caterer) thousands and def. don't think its rude for their dates to be seated at another table.  They understand the premise of the situation when they RSVP.  Honestly, its your day and about you.  Put them where you want.  If you think they'll be uncomfortable, my FI and I are both inviting our BP's significant others to any bridal shower, bachelorette party, or bachelor party so they have the opportunity to get together and get to know each other before they have to sit together for a few hours.  Besides, after dinner, everyone gets up and mingles anyway so its not like they won't see each other. Good luck!
    Posted by fallingwater[/QUOTE]

    I'm not going to lie, if DH and I were put into a situation like this, where a friend only asked one of us to be in the BP and then we found out we couldn't sit together during dinner, we would say "Thanks, but I'd really rather just be a guest". It's not because we're joined at the hip for everything, it's because we're a packaged deal, and when we go places, we sit together.

    I'm not going to support somebody saying "Well, the day is all about a couple joining together for the rest of their lives ... so I'm going to celebrate by not allowing the most important people in my life sit with their own S/Os". The BP is supposed to be your "honored guests" ... please enlighten me as to where the honor is in not being allowed to sit with my husband, when all of your "not-so-honored" guests get that right?

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:23933298-a46d-4d28-bf37-241bc525cc76">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with fallingwater... every wedding I've ever been to has had the traditional head table with the bride, groom and wedding party. The wedding party's dates sat at a table nearby. Just like they had to sit somewhere in the church with the other guests during the ceremony... or is splitting up dates for a few hours so rude these days that we're having our wedding party's dates stand up at the altar with us too? I don't see anything wrong with it, and if that's what you want to do... by all means, do it!
    Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

    Funny that on a day that celebrates two people becoming couple, and promising to share with each other for the rest of your livest, you'd choose to celebrate by splitting up couples~who also happen to be your closest friends~ at your party.  Very, very thoughtful of you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I don't know I guess i'm dissagreeing with the majority here.  I plan to have a head table and I'm a very traditional bride.  It's been done this way for as long as I've been attending weddings and when the BP agrees to being in the party they understand that they will not be seated with their SO's and all of them are fine with it.  My best friend is getting married before me and I'm in her Bridal party.  My FI will be sitting with my family so its not a big deal.  He understands that i will be busy that day and wants me to enjoy spending it with her. I guess it depends on the wedding.  I don't like the idea of a sweetheart table, I think as long as the SO's understand what the situation will be, they can choose to come or not come.  Besides dinner is really the only time they won't be with their SO anyways.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:d7384b1a-20f3-4b70-9c7b-7d4f0506bb99">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know I guess i'm dissagreeing with the majority here.  I plan to have a head table and I'm a very traditional bride.  It's been done this way for as long as I've been attending weddings and when the BP agrees to being in the party they understand that they will not be seated with their SO's and all of them are fine with it.  My best friend is getting married before me and I'm in her Bridal party.  My FI will be sitting with my family so its not a big deal.  He understands that i will be busy that day and wants me to enjoy spending it with her. I guess it depends on the wedding.  I don't like the idea of a sweetheart table, <strong>I think as long as the SO's understand what the situation will be, they can choose to come or not come.  Besides dinner is really the only time they won't be with their SO anyways.</strong>
    Posted by Moscow04[/QUOTE]

    Moscow, there are a few flaws in your statement:

    1) Being very traditional does not relieve you of being a good friend/host.  Tradition NEVER held that the people in your BP were split from their dates.  Splitting them isn't nice at all.

    2) What if your FI knew NO ONE at the wedding of your friend?  Then he's seated by himself at a table of strangers and he should "deal" with that because that's part of the gift of having a FI in the wedding party?

    3) Just becase people do this doesn't mean that it's appropriate.  To add, just because no one complains does not mean that people are fine with it.  It means that they're not going to rock the boat and tell you that they found your decisons to be rather rude. 

    4) The statement in bold is EXTEMELY rude and completely false.   If the sig others don't like the plans then they don't have to attend the wedding?  The point of the reception is FOR your guests.  Based on your statement, if they don't like the way you're doing things, they can just stay home?  That's not being a gracious host and almost sounds like you know that they may not like what you're doing so you'd rather they not be there at all if they found what you're doing rude...and the solution is to just seat your bridal party with their partners.  You're getting to sit with your husband at your wedding right?  That's not very nice to the rest of the people who helped you along the way.

    PLUS, when you're in the wedding it isn't just dinner where the BP would be split from the sig other.  When DH was in a wedding back when we were dating, he was split from me from the time he entered the limo to the church until AFTER dinner.  That meant that from 8:30 in the morning until 1:00 in the afternoon, I hardly saw him.  That's not a 'missing for just dinner' absence.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:d7384b1a-20f3-4b70-9c7b-7d4f0506bb99">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know I guess i'm dissagreeing with the majority here.  I plan to have a head table and I'm a very traditional bride.  It's been done this way for as long as I've been attending weddings and when the BP agrees to being in the party they understand that they will not be seated with their SO's and all of them are fine with it.  My best friend is getting married before me and I'm in her Bridal party.  My FI will be sitting with my family so its not a big deal.  He understands that i will be busy that day and wants me to enjoy spending it with her. I guess it depends on the wedding.  I don't like the idea of a sweetheart table, I think as long as the SO's understand what the situation will be, they can choose to come or not come.  Besides dinner is really the only time they won't be with their SO anyways.
    Posted by Moscow04[/QUOTE]

    Basically, what you just said is that you don't give a crap if your friends and their s/o are happy or comfortable, because the only person who's happiness matters that day is yours.  Everyone should just suck it up and do what you want. 

    Nice.

    Head tables are not traditional.  They are a lingering fad from the 80's.
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    I like how the OP's solution was to make her wedding table ridiculous.  That's pretty awesome. I love that kind of logic! 

    "Oooh, you know what work great?  Having people sit at different size and length tables that will also not be the same height, covered with a table cloth (or multiiple tablecloths)!  That will look SO PERFECT!"

    Rather than letting people be in a more comfortable situation. 
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    Well, Amoro, I'd give her points for effort.  From her follow-up, it sounds like she's committed to letting the WP sit with their dates, so she's already doing better than some of the other posters who chimed in...

    FI met my family for the first time at my sister's wedding.  When I was separated from him for most of the weekend because of stupid bridesmaid stuff.  It worked out, but it was not an enjoyable experience for either of us.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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     I said in my post that it depends on the wedding.  In my case the only SO's that are invited have plenty of people to sit with who they know very well so for me it was not a problem.  My bridesmaids (only 2 of them has a SO) told me they'd rather sit with me on my day than with their SO anyway.  If they didn't have anybody to sit with and were uncomfortable with sitting with people they don't know then I'd help to find a soluution.  Something like they can sit at the head table with us.  But I wouldn't reaarange my whole layout just because of a few people who can't suck it up and eat dinner with other people.   I know one couple who met and got married because they were placed at the same table while their SO's were up in the BP.  I think its all relative and it def depends on the people and the wedding.  When you go to weddings and your SO is in the bridal party you learn to cope because its not your day.  You are there to show your support and if that means sitting at another table for a few hours while your SO sits with the BP than so be it.  It's not abnormal and I would never view it as somebody being an ungracious host or innappropriate behavior.  As a SO of somebody in the BP, I feel like they were obligated to invite me anyways so I wouldn't expect them to go out of their way to accomodate me. I would never have been invited if my FI wasn't in the BP so why would I show up to a wedding and feel they were being ungracious if they didn't allow me to sit with my FI.  No way, that would be ME being the ungracious one. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:96839baa-8753-451a-9285-c39e18872f93">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE] I said in my post that it depends on the wedding.  In my case the only SO's that are invited have plenty of people to sit with who they know very well so for me it was not a problem.  My bridesmaids (only 2 of them has a SO) told me they'd rather sit with me on my day than with their SO anyway.  If they didn't have anybody to sit with and were uncomfortable with sitting with people they don't know then I'd help to find a soluution.  Something like they can sit at the head table with us.  But I wouldn't reaarange my whole layout just because of a few people who can't suck it up and eat dinner with other people.   I know one couple who met and got married because they were placed at the same table while their SO's were up in the BP.  I think its all relative and it def depends on the people and the wedding.  When you go to weddings and your SO is in the bridal party you learn to cope because its not your day.  You are there to show your support and if that means sitting at another table for a few hours while your SO sits with the BP than so be it.  It's not abnormal and I would never view it as somebody being an ungracious host or innappropriate behavior.  As a SO of somebody in the BP, I feel like they were obligated to invite me anyways so I wouldn't expect them to go out of their way to accomodate me. I would never have been invited if my FI wasn't in the BP so why would I show up to a wedding and feel they were being ungracious if they didn't allow me to sit with my FI.  No way, that would be ME being the ungracious one. 
    Posted by Moscow04[/QUOTE]

    I don't think you're understing what the point of the reception is.

    It's FOR the guests.

    When DH has been in weddings, I'm a mutual friend too.  PLUS we're a married couple - a social unit.  We should be invited to social occastions TOGETHER.

    The role you have as hostess of the wedding is to be gracious to your guests.  Splitting them isn't nice or gracious to them. 

    And please drop the "your day" nonsense.
  • Options
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_seat-bridal-partys-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bd7c8dc9-c077-452a-ae30-2ff9c77afe7bPost:179db6f2-e9dc-4190-a4ef-50c4d2c34bcc">Re: Where to seat Bridal Partys dates?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm planning on having a head table, no dates sitting there, just the BP.  I've been to weddings and have worked (as a caterer) thousands and def. don't think its rude for their dates to be seated at another table.  They understand the premise of the situation when they RSVP.  Honestly, its your day and about you.  Put them where you want.  If you think they'll be uncomfortable, my FI and I are both inviting our BP's significant others to any bridal shower, bachelorette party, or bachelor party so they have the opportunity to get together and get to know each other before they have to sit together for a few hours.  Besides, after dinner, everyone gets up and mingles anyway so its not like they won't see each other. Good luck!
    Posted by fallingwater[/QUOTE]


    My hubby would go stand at the bar for a reception where he was stranded on his own. Me...I would probably play on my phone as opposed to making small talk with people I dont know and will never see again. People don't travel miles and miles and spend tons of time and money to be at your wedding to see people they dont know.

    You know what I did on MY DAY. I made sure SO's were included in the limos so they weren't separated. The best man's pregnant wife was amazed at my courtesy.

    You can have a great wedding WHILE thinking of your closest and dearest. It isn't rocket science.
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    [QUOTE]Iwhen the BP agrees to being in the party they understand that they will not be seated with their SO's and all of them are fine with it.[/QUOTE]

    Um, nope.  That's not part of the BP agreement.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    Actually, had my sister told me up front that being in the wedding party included sitting on display without FI, I would have asked to just be a guest.  Her wedding was pretty much an uncoordinated mess across the board, but the head table was the worst and most stressful part.

    Attendant is a ceremonial position, so while they do have duties for the ceremony, once they've fulfilled them and get to the reception, they should be extended the same courtesy as all of the other guests.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    Ditto Aerin.  And when friends of ours were wanting a head table for their wedding two years ago while DH was in the wedding party, I did my best to state that we had a sweetheart table for the sole purpose of not splitting our BP from their partners since that's such a peeve of mine.
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    Ok, I'm going to throw my 2 cents in here too...

    First, I'll say that I'm having a sweetheart table, mostly because I want to be able to spend a few semi-alone moments with my new husband :-)  We don't have the bridal party dates issue, because all members of the bridal party are either single or dating someone else in the bridal party (we've been together long enough that all of our closest friends are couples).

    Anyway, that being said, I've noticed on TK boards that a lot of the disagreements stem from a fundamental wedding philosophy - the idea of whether or not the wedding is "your day" or whether it's "for the guests."  Some girls on this board believe that the whole day should be about the guests ("they're travelling miles," "spending lots of money," "giving up a weekend of their life," etc, etc).  Other girls believe that it's their special day and nobody else matters ("the reason that people come to weddings is to be supportive,"  "guests come with the understanding that it's all about the new couple" etc etc).

    But, what it comes down to, is what's your wedding day philosophy?  Understand that if you're the latter,  the guests that aren't truly there just to support you are probably going to be a little bitter and not have the greatest time.  If you're the former, you might wake up the next day and realize that you really didn't get much of what YOU wanted on your wedding day.  I guess I personally think it's a mixture of both - the ceremony is really where it's my day and then the reception is a big party for everyone - not just my guests, not just me, but for everybody.  And then, hopefully if all goes well, we all have a great day!

    So, whatever that means to you, go from there.  You have the right to make your own decision on your wedding day plans!!
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    All i can say is that while being separated from my fiance during a wedding ( he was in the WP, I wasn't.) I met one of my best friends who was also separated from her boyfriend (now fi). I didn't know many people there, and ended up making a new friend, who I am now extremely close with, and we will be in each other's weddings this year!
    It's a SHORT amount of time to be apart, and I don't think it's a huge deal to be away from a SO for that amount of time... just eat, enjoy new company, and you'll be dancing soon enough!
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