Food options - is this rude? (XP)

wowand135

We can choose three entrees for our buffet dinner. We were going to do a beef (steak), chicken, and a vegetarian option (probably a hearty pasta). However, I really loved the fish at our tasting. They do allow up to 10 individually made meals. This is meant for people with dietary restrictions, but could also be used for us. So I thougth I would just order my fish separately and serve what I stated above. FI also wants to do this as he wants filet mingnon but it costs extra to provide it for all guests.

But my MOH said something like, are you sure you want to eat something that your guests don't have the option of? Personally I don't really care as there will be plenty of options for them. Is this rude?

mcskatcat

If you've already had one person tell you it's rude, then think of how many other people at your reception will think you are being rude.  

Edit:  Why not make the vegetarian the specially made dish for up to ten plates?  You most likely won't have more than that request a vegetarian plate.

jessicabessica

I think it's rude.  If you want to offer the fish, sub it for the beef or chicken, or take the vegetarian option off the buffet--if you have less than 10 vegetarians coming, that can be the special plate.  If you want a fancier steak, shift expenses around so that you can afford to serve it to everyone, or skip it altogether.  

QueerFemme

It's rude.  you wouldn't have a private stash of lobster or a special cocktail just for you two, would you?    Either offer it to your guests or don't serve it.

HobokensFury

It's rude- it's having a tiered reception.

wowand135

Thanks guys I'm convinced it's rude, though it's definitely not having a "tiered" reception whereever that came from. I'm trying to convince FI right now of this... thanks for the responses! 

Kristin789

>>though it's definitely not having a "tiered" reception whereever that came from

I didin't write that response, but I agree that this woudl indeed be a tiered reception.
A tiered reception is where two or more people get something that the other guests don't.
That's EXACTLY what you are suggesting.

pk7k6bde

Thanks for this post.  I was thinking of having a different meat for myself and my H, since we are having a sit-down dinner and no one will actually see what is on our plates.

HobokensFury

A tiered reception means some guests get things others don't. In your case it's the bride and groom getting special food. That's why I said it.

alithebride

are there THAT many vegetarians that you need to make that your 3rd choice?

fallbride1109

My general rule of thumb is that if you have to ask yourself if something is rude, it's better to not do it, just to be safe.

sxcwed

Couldn't you just serve meat and fish and skip the chicken?  Maybe it's the region I'm in (PacNW) but it's pretty common to have that combo vs having a bird option on the menu.

MyNameIsNot

I agree that it's rude, but I think that's abundantly clear.  

I have an alternate suggestion.  In my personal experience, the bride and groom never really get much of a chance to eat at the wedding anyway, especially with a buffet.  Our venue and planner (and tons of other people I've known) suggested having the caterer box up a meal to send home with us after the reception, knowing that we wouldn't really get to eat at the reception.  It turned out to be a great idea, because we had about two bites at the reception and then had more important things to do.  We were starving by the time we got to the hotel at the end of the night.  Instead of serving yourself something different at the reception, why not order those special entrees for yourselves to go after the event?  Have the staff stash them in your car just before you are about to leave.  No one needs to know that you are taking food to go, or that you are taking something that wasn't offered to your guests.

DMoore421

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_food-options-is-this-rude-xp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:bfdc2664-c5c3-454b-a544-bd3dd942943cPost:3343f9b9-cbb4-48ee-a32b-3c2e2fc4f6d1">Food options - is this rude? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]We can choose three entrees for our buffet dinner. We were going to do a beef (steak), chicken, and a vegetarian option (probably a hearty pasta). However, I really loved the fish at our tasting. They do allow up to 10 individually made meals. This is meant for people with dietary restrictions, but could also be used for us. So I thougth I would just order my fish separately and serve what I stated above. FI also wants to do this as he wants filet mingnon but it costs extra to provide it for all guests. But my MOH said something like, are you sure you want to eat something that your guests don't have the option of? Personally I don't really care as there will be plenty of options for them. Is this rude?
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]



 i am going to disagree with a lot of people and say i do not think it is rude - the people who need to have special meals will have them it sounds like and as long as your "special meals " do not take away from someone that actually needs one and really i don't think anyone is going to be paying attention to what you are eating  if you even eat at the wedding reception at all....
plus it is not abnormal for the wedding party in general to have plated meals while everyone else has buffet - so i really do not think it will catch anyone as too odd

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_food-options-is-this-rude-xp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:bfdc2664-c5c3-454b-a544-bd3dd942943cPost:7e6afbfc-e5b0-4680-b700-380b806fc1b5">Re: Food options - is this rude? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Food options - is this rude? (XP) :  i am going to disagree with a lot of people and say i do not think it is rude - the people who need to have special meals will have them it sounds like and as long as your "special meals " do not take away from someone that actually needs one and really i don't think anyone is going to be paying attention to what you are eating  if you even eat at the wedding reception at all <strong>People eat special meals because they are medically necessary, so because it's too expensive to feed guests.</strong>

.... plus it is not abnormal for the wedding party in general to have plated meals while everyone else has buffet - so i really do not think it will catch anyone as too odd <strong>Yes it is abnormal. It's called a tiered reception and it's rude.  </strong>
Posted by DMoore421[/QUOTE]

OP don't listen to this bad advice.