Reception Location drama!

Kare7213

So pretty much I live in an area of western Michigan that has a terrible selection of reception halls. Im lucky enough to have my parents pay for the enitre wedding but our budget is only $3000 and they are still telling me we need to cut corners. We have yet to even have a plan for food, photography, and reception hall and yes my wedding is May 15 of this year. My fiance keeps asking me to ask my friends if they know of anyone who has a large feild to pitch a big tent. Seems like a good idea but at the same time I feel very rude and out of place to ask a complete stranger to use thier house and land to throw a party for 100+ people they dont know. My family is even saying the VFWs around our house are too expensive! Im feeling im in an impossible situation. My dream is to have a classy, tasteful wedding. I want to be greatful and I am. Im just really feeling like im getting the short end of the stick. Any ideas for how to go about any of this especially a reception location would be great!!!!!!!

duckie1905

I don't have a location idea because it would be rude to approach someone and basically blindside them with your desire to use their land to pitch a tent, especially since it doesn't sound like you'd be willing to pay to rent it from them.

Either scale the wedding plans down or postpone the wedding until you (not your parents) can afford to have the wedding you want.  100+ is a good size wedding.  Maybe start by scaling back the guestlist.

AKG_JGJ

You may not realize this, but a tent wedding can really add up. Figure the cost of a tent (sometimes $100+, depending on your location), tables and chairs for 100+ people, and everything else you may have to rent that would usually be supplied at a hall. It can easily cost much more to have tented wedding than at a hall. 

Are you and your FI contributing to what your parents are giving you? FI and I take a certain amount out of every check to go towards the wedding. In addition, my dad is giving us some money to help with the costs. If you save over time, it's not so daunting. I agree with duckie, you should probably scale down/postpone and budget for the wedding you really want. 

abbycobb812

Planning any sort of wedding of that size in 5 months is pretty overwhelming, but especially with budget being such a concern. If your dream is to have a classy, tasteful wedding, then I agree you need to scale it down or postpone. If the reception was small enough you could even have it at a restaurant, like some people do for rehearsal dinners.

My wedding is in western michigan also (Muskegon area). I found reception places for around $300-$400, perhaps not the classiest venues though. And feeding 100+ people a full meal wll run $1000 at the very least. I just think you should consider whether you/your parents can actually afford a large wedding that soon, before you start putting down deposits on stuff. If you don't have anything booked yet, can you put the wedding off a few months until you can save up more money?

AmoroAgain

Sounds like you need to pay for your own wedding and stop complaining.  My H and I planned, and paid for, a beautiful wedding in GR with 50 people for under $5000.  You just have to be realistic and stop whining.  Right now, that's exactly what it sounds like you're doing.  I'm sure it's stressful and whatnot, but you need to stop thinking about what you CAN'T do and instead focus on what you CAN.  If you don't have the money, well, then postpone the wedding.

Also, what does a classy wedding mean to you?  I'm sure you can do it, but you need to be sure that what you're thinking and wanting is appropriate to your budget.  It can be done, just stop being foot stompy and start getting creative.

I <3 Seabass

If the $3000 your parents are giving you isn't enough to make your dream wedding happen you and your FI should think about contributing financially to your own wedding. If you can't or don't want to contribute then you need to figure out how to make it work with the funds you have. 

Also, instead of finding a cheaper venue have you thought about cutting your guest list? Cutting your guest list will go a long way in reducing the total cost of the wedding. 

There are some more cost saving tips here, if you're willing to be flexible with the date.

http://www.soulfulengagements.com/1/post/2009/11/staying-under-budget.html

AmoroAgain

Seabass, it would be awesome if you stopped plugging your own blog.  That's seriously tacky.

killertomato47

One of the previous posters touched on this, but I want to reiterate that a "pitching a big tent' will likely be far more expensive than renting a hall. We had looked into a tent reception at one point and the tent rental alone was almost $900 dollars, plus chairs ($2 each for the most basic folding chairs)  tables, lights, a generator to run the lights  port-a-potties, etc, etc, etc. We were looking at nearly $3000 in just rentals.

Kare7213

Thanks for the ideas everybody. Except Amoro again. Please if you dont have nothing nice to say please dont say anything at all. First off im not whinning. My parents are controlling the whole thing. Including the guest list. And im fine with that. The whole reason i posted anything on this topic was to GET IDEAS of how to BE CREATIVE! Wow....Maybe today is just not your day. Get to know me please before you start making asumptions. Everyone else: Thank you!

CHANDROMEDA

I agree, Amoro could be a little nicer. I didn't get the feeling there was any whining happening here. I for one don't blame you for feeling frustrated.

First thing, if you're working with that kind of budget, determine what is most important to you. What corners have you cut already? What are the elements of the event you're NOT willing to compromise on?

Suggestions to cut cost and reclaim some sanity.

1. CUT YOUR GUEST LIST. 100 people is insanely big for your budget. If you can't turn anyone away, consider having a formal ceremony and reception for 50, and a smaller post-wedding cocktail party for the rest of your clan that you couldn't include.

2. CONSIDER CHEAP CATERING OPTIONS. You will see these suggestions all over the Internet -- Sam's Club, Costco, your favorite restaurant, or if your family and friends have a sense of humor, go with a mobile food operation like a taco truck, or hot dog cart, or ice cream instead of cake. Another catering route to try is a community college culinary arts program -- lots of technical schools have students who need experience catering these kinds of events.

3. DO IT AT HOME. That's right. Celebrate at your place, or his, or a relative's house that has a decent amount of space and you've saved several hundo right there. 

4. SPONSORSHIPS. A weird alternative, I know, but I have heard of couples exchanging promotion for services and products. One couple supposedly got flowers, decorations, and more for free just for agreeing to promote their vendors in their programs and to sell their services to their friends. 

5. POSTPONE. If you just aren't willing to budge on the more expensive details and can't do without them, it's better to postpone the date until you have some more money. The worst thing you can do is start a new life with your man IN DEBT. No amount of cake and flowers is worth that kind of stress.

In the end, anyone who really matters won't give a crap about the look of the reception or the quality of the venue -- they'll just be happy to be celebrating with you on your special day!

Best Wishes,

C.

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_reception-location-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:c0306013-a06e-4736-aa06-26b6160f301bPost:0604ed03-7c8d-4a93-9264-11f29b1ee098">Re: Reception Location drama!</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are controlling the whole thing. Including the guest list. And im fine with that.
Posted by Kare7213[/QUOTE]

Well clearly you are not fine with that or you wouldn't be posting on the board looking for advice.  You should have a heart to heart with your parents about their expectations for the wedding.  Having a wedding for 100+ people for $3000 is going to be very difficult.  Either they need to scale back their guest list and expectations, or pony up more funds to cover their guests.

No matter what ends up happening, you should consider contributing yourselves or postponing the wedding (or both!)  GL

duckie1905

There is no reason why you can't contribute to your own wedding.  If you are having such a hard time with your parents rules you can either contribute your own money or tell your parents thanks but no thanks and have the wedding the two of you can afford.  Then, you can scale back so that you can afford your own guestlist.

This is a national board.  Perhaps someone on your local knows of farmers or something that rent out their fields or barns if you really would like to do that.  But, as someone else stated, when you rent a tent you also have to rent everything else you need, and those costs add up quickly.

Do your parents expect a full meal at the reception?  For $3,000 you can host 100 for coffee, cake, soda, and apps like veggie and cheese trays.  As long as your ceremony and reception are outside of a meal time this is a viable option.  I think that if your parents are saying that VFW halls are too expensive and they are expecting a full meal for 100 on $3000 they are being a tad unrealistic.  You don't have to have a DJ, or dancing, and a cake and punch reception would probably only be an hour or two long.  If you are getting married in the church and they have a fellowship hall they might allow you to use that after the ceremony.

And for the love of god, please ask your FI to stop harassing random strangers.  He is going to start looking like the creepy town mooch.

MyNameIsNot

Sounds like it's time for you to either cut back your expectations or start saving. 

If the money your parents are generously giving you is not enough for what you want, it's time to start covering the difference on your own.

Coming here and complaining that you don't have the budget isn't going to get you anywhere, especially here where so many people are paying for most if not all of their own weddings.  Not getting enough money from mommy and daddy isn't going to get you much sympathy. 

dreamer921

Kare,

I know how you're feeling... a wedding is the day that we've dreamed about for our whole lives... I know you want the day to be beautiful and everything you've dreamed it would be, and thats gotta be real hard when you're working with that budget and 100 people.

My advice first and foremost is: cut your guest list down! thats the first and easiest place to start...If your parents are tough on who they want to invite, you need to just explain to them the situation that you and you FI are in...

I think that sometimes brides (not saying you are at all) but, brides focus too much on the number of people attending rather than the event which is at hand... the whole purpose of the day is for you and FI to get married and start your lives off as one... its not about how many people you had there- I feel that most of the time, only about 50 of the people invited to weddings are the people that you REALLY need there...

with that being said, keep that in mind.. think about the people that you REALLY need there and invite them...its about you and you FI and thats all that matters...

GOOD LUCK girl!

charissa10

     We're having a tent wedding at my parents house, and believe me, its not any less expensive than renting a reception hall. Renting the tent and all the tables, chairs, tablecloths, tablesettings, etc...really start to add up. Some places even have simple centerpieces that you can use.
     You just have to talk with your FI and decide what is most important to you. It might work better to have an afternoon wedding with h'or d'oeuvres, punch, and cake and skip the sit down meal.
     Check out some other unique venues such as an old theater with awesome ambiance or picnick areas at local parks if you don't go for a full sit down meal. Good luck!

atlcatlover

I think you should visit and/or look up local venues on line and put together a list with all the costs for your parents to see.  Include info about food, flowers, etc just so they have an idea of real costs.  If they are telling you things are too expensive then they should have ideas for alternatives.

If that isn't good enough for them, honestly I'd tell them to keep their money and pay for it yourselves so you can have the wedding you want.  I can tell you from reading this that you are on your way to regretting your wedding day (not your marriage!).  You have said yourself they want total control which means it is their day not yours and really, what bride wants that??