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Destination Wedding Help- Local Party After Etiquette?

Hi,

I'm struggling with figuring out how to handle having a destination wedding then a local party after since it's a little complicated.

I live in NYC and my fiance and I are very serious about doing a wedding on Cape Cod since it's a very important place to us.  Right now our guest list "all in" is heading towards 175 which is not feasible where we intend to get married.  Additionally, a lot of people that are important to my parents being there I don't even know so that's another reason we thought to do the local party after.  I realize that that number will diminish quickly since it's a destination wedding, but you never know who might or might not come!  Since the Cape is really far from Chicago we're thinking most people would rather not spend the money to go to a wedding out East and thought of doing a local party after in Chicago.  The problem is we don't want anyone to feel left out.  Should we invite everyone to the Cape wedding but make sure they know that we're having a Chicago reception after? Will this deter people from coming to the Cape wedding?

The other thing is that my mother is dead set on throwing me a wedding shower and I think she would be heartbroken if she couldn't have one (I'm paying for the entire wedding myself which makes her really upset so she really wants to contribute in this manner).  Is it inappropriate to have one if we're technically doing a destination wedding?  I don't want to appear like I'm just looking for gifts. 

I do not want to come across rude at all so if anyone has any ideas on the appropriate course of action please let me know.

Re: Destination Wedding Help- Local Party After Etiquette?

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    I don't think it's necessary to throw multiple parties to include everyone.  Invite the people that you want to come to your wedding, and if they can make it, they will.  People do travel for weddings so don't leave them off the list or feel obligated to have another party later  just because you think they might not come.  Also, if they can't come, so be it.  It doesn't mean you have to throw multiple parties to "include" everyone.  The people who really want to be included will come.

    Now if you want to throw the second reception solely to appease your parents and invite their friends without having to invite them to the actual wedding at the Cape, that's another story all together.  If your parents are okay with that and you can afford to throw two receptions like that, go ahead.

    You can still have a wedding shower, even with a destination wedding.  You just have to be sure that anyone invited to the shower is also invited to the wedding.
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    I would send out an invitation to everyone you want to invite with both the actual ceremony and at home reception invitations in the same invite.  That lets your OOT guests decide what they want to do and doesn't leave them left out.  However, be sure that your wedding venue is big enough to accommodate everyone you invite in case they do decide to come out for the wedding.

    Anyone invited to the shower must be invited to the actual wedding ceremony.  It's fine for your mom to throw a shower as long as you make sure those people are getting wedding invigtes.
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    How many people do YOU and FI want at the ceremony? If you decide you want to have a destination wedding with just close people and then a local reception, then that's more common. However, if you'd be inviting 100+ people to a destination wedding, it seems sorta silly to have a 2nd reception.

    As far as the shower, yes it's okay to have it with a destination wedding but only people invited to the wedding get invited to the shower.
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    I'm with Dani.  You plan your wedding.  You invite the people you'd like as guests.  If they can come, they're at your wedding.  If they can't come, they miss your wedding.

    I don't think it's at all necessary to put on a traveling road show to include everyone you invite.  People know that they have a decision to make when they receive an invitation to a function.  They can accept, and accept the costs and commitments that come with an acceptance.  Or they can decline, and accept that they'll miss the event.

    If you and your FI are comfortable with having a wedding that you know people might not be able to attend, then that's the decision you've made.  And you live with the consequences of knowing that some people might not make your wedding because of your decision to hold it where you're holding it, and that's fine.

    I'm thinking of what this philosophy of "taking the party to the people" would have meant for my DD.  She would have had to do a party in Boston for our Boston relatives.  Then another in Georgia for our Ga. relatives.  Then one in Missouri for our Missouri family.

    Some people made it.  Some didn't.  We all celebrated with those who made it.  You should too.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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