Is this disrespectful

vvlcek21

  I have just recently been able to finally sit down with my parent's and FI and go over our budget for the wedding. right now the way it is looking we won't be able to have a reception. Our plan B isto just have cake a few finger foods a quick toast then be on our way. Is this disrespectful to the guests that came to party?

jessicabessica

It's ok not to provide a meal if your wedding is not at meal time.  When are you thinking about having this?

You should stick around long enough to personally greet and thank all of your guests (I would not say that a receiving line is sufficient in this situation--it would just seem weird if that was it).  I would expect the reception to last for maybe 2 hours.  People will want to say hello, take photos, and mingle.  

DramaGeek

Cake and punch receptions are quite common in my circle.  Just make sure you host *something* for your guests and that the food is appropriate for the time of day.  Usually these receptions seem to last between 1 and 2 hours.

JaxInBlue

The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony, so as long as you host something to show your appreciation and at which you take the time to greet and thank guests, you don't need to include a full meal.  To me, this would mean having something from 2 to 4 in the afternoon or between 8 and 10 at night, possibly something in the morning wrapping up before lunch.  Like jessica said, it will probably be short - but you could still have a dance, take pictures, have toasts, etc.  I think wording on your invitations and/or your word of mouth communications will be important to temper the  expectations of your guests if this type of a reception is not common in your family or circle.

AdeleDazeem

If you can't host a reception (a few hours of cake, punch, mingling and thanking each guest for coming) then you are inviting far too many people.

Hosting an event comes with responsiblities of the host.  Just because it's a wedding doesn't mean that you get to shirk those responsibilities.  You need to invite those that you can afford to host properly.

Hosting properly doesn't mean a DJ, five course dinner and open bar.  It means food, drink and entertainment.  Finger foods + cake at a non-meal time with non-alcoholic drinks is perfectly acceptable.

Avion22

Everyone eles is 100% correct.  You need to host something, but it can be very simple -- cake, punch, finger foods, and an iPod (if you want music).   You could also do a backyard BBQ tif you want.   This doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive.  However, I would strongly recommend against doing anything "potluck" for food safety reasons (it's hard to keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold, and it would suck to give people food poisoning).  

I don't think anyone would be disappointed in a reception like this.  However, I would maybe side-eye it a little bit if the bride showed up in a $10K designer gown with $5K of flowers and decorations, and all guests got as a thank-you for attending was cake and punch.   This doesn't sound like your situation at all, and I think what you have described sounds just fine.

alithebride

if you invite people to the ceremony you MUST provide something-either just a fast finger food/refreshment for an hour at non-meal time or a full blown meal at meal time.
if you can't afford anything now you have 2 options: 1) invite no one to the ceremony or 2 )push back your date until you can. 

rmj598

I know my advice is probably out of tradition, but I say if you cannot afford to have a reception, then don't have one. Nowadays, many people do not have the luxury of having other people pay for their weddings and must shoulder the costs themselves, which means serious cutbacks (though, honestly, just because someone else is paying for your wedding doesn't mean you should go buckwild, though many do anyway!). Although a cake and punch reception is a cheaper route, you still have to cough up the money to rent the reception site, which could add at least another $1,000+ to your wedding bill. If that is not a realistic option with your budget, then inform your guests that you will not be having a reception. Most people are not so petty, especially in this economy, to gripe and complain because they won't be getting free food, and those who would complain are not worthy to come to your wedding in the first place. The important thing to remember is that your wedding is about you and your fiance being joined together in marriage, and not impressing a bunch of people who will most likely neither remember nor care about your wedding a few years from now. Do what you think best for your situation. It is not worth wasting a potential down payment on a house on a one-day event. Anyway, this is my advice, but I think there is just too much pressure on brides to do things that do not take a frugal budget into account (nor sanity, for that matter!). So, bottom line is if you decide to skip the reception, your guests will understand and those who won't, despite this wretched and bitter betrayal of you daring to go without a reception, will trudge on with their sad lives (which indeed they must be to be so upset!). You'll go on with yours knowing you were able to apply your saved money to wiser expenses!

Peavy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_is-this-disrespectful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:cd63ae0e-e357-4a48-b924-d91ce666d530Post:eef08dcf-b9e8-4db6-834a-f804f26e169a">Re: Is this disrespectful</a>:
[QUOTE]I know my advice is probably out of tradition, but I say if you cannot afford to have a reception, then don't have one. Nowadays, many people do not have the luxury of having other people pay for their weddings and must shoulder the costs themselves, which means serious cutbacks (though, honestly, just because someone else is paying for your wedding doesn't mean you should go buckwild, though many do anyway!). Although a cake and punch reception is a cheaper route, you still have to cough up the money to rent the reception site, which could add at least another $1,000+ to your wedding bill. If that is not a realistic option with your budget, then inform your guests that you will not be having a reception. Most people are not so petty, especially in this economy, to gripe and complain because they won't be getting free food, and those who would complain are not worthy to come to your wedding in the first place. The important thing to remember is that your wedding is about you and your fiance being joined together in marriage, and not impressing a bunch of people who will most likely neither remember nor care about your wedding a few years from now. Do what you think best for your situation. It is not worth wasting a potential down payment on a house on a one-day event. Anyway, this is my advice, but I think there is just too much pressure on brides to do things that do not take a frugal budget into account (nor sanity, for that matter!). So, bottom line is if you decide to skip the reception, your guests will understand and those who won't, despite this wretched and bitter betrayal of you daring to go without a reception, will trudge on with their sad lives (which indeed they must be to be so upset!). You'll go on with yours knowing you were able to apply your saved money to wiser expenses!
Posted by rmj598[/QUOTE]

This is terrible advice!  You can have a reception in the community hall at the church, or at the home of a relative or friend if they are willing.  Or in a public park.  No charge for the venue, just for the food and drinks.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_is-this-disrespectful?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:cd63ae0e-e357-4a48-b924-d91ce666d530Post:eef08dcf-b9e8-4db6-834a-f804f26e169a">Re: Is this disrespectful</a>:
[QUOTE]I know my advice is probably out of tradition, but I say if you cannot afford to have a reception, then don't have one. Nowadays, many people do not have the luxury of having other people pay for their weddings and must shoulder the costs themselves, which means serious cutbacks (though, honestly, just because someone else is paying for your wedding doesn't mean you should go buckwild, though many do anyway!). Although a cake and punch reception is a cheaper route, you still have to cough up the money to rent the reception site, which could add at least another $1,000+ to your wedding bill. If that is not a realistic option with your budget, then inform your guests that you will not be having a reception. Most people are not so petty, especially in this economy, to gripe and complain because they won't be getting free food, and those who would complain are not worthy to come to your wedding in the first place. The important thing to remember is that your wedding is about you and your fiance being joined together in marriage, and not impressing a bunch of people who will most likely neither remember nor care about your wedding a few years from now. Do what you think best for your situation. It is not worth wasting a potential down payment on a house on a one-day event. Anyway, this is my advice, but I think there is just too much pressure on brides to do things that do not take a frugal budget into account (nor sanity, for that matter!). So, bottom line is if you decide to skip the reception, your guests will understand and those who won't, despite this wretched and bitter betrayal of you daring to go without a reception, will trudge on with their sad lives (which indeed they must be to be so upset!). You'll go on with yours knowing you were able to apply your saved money to wiser expenses!
Posted by rmj598[/QUOTE]

AGAIN - if you want to host an event, like a WEDDING, you need to host your guests properly.  There are no ifs, ands, buts or "I'm paying for my own wedding!"

It's been clearly stated that you may go the finger food/cake route (at a non meal time) if you wish.  If you can't afford that, then you are hosting too many people.

It does not matter that you are hosting a wedding, you are still being a host and with that comes specific responsibilities.  You may not throw them off in the name of "wedding," "my day!!!!" or "It's 2012."  Seriously.

QueerFemme

You could easily do cake and finger foods for a couple hundred dollars, depending on how many people you are inviting. 

You can get a grocery store sheet cake for less than $100.00 and finger foods (even if its just a cracker/cheese tray, some veggies and fruit platters, nut bowls, chips & salsa)... you could also buy mini dinner rolls and put out a cold cut platter.   There are plenty of ways to do this on the cheap.   Most churches have a rec center or community center or even a basement that you could host a quick 1-2 hour reception in.   That means you don't have to pay for a seperate venue.  

You could probably pull this off for less than $400, depending on your guest list.  

To have NOTHING, and just send people home after your ceremony with no acknowledgement or "reception" is absolutely rude. 

Just word your invites correctly and say something like "dessert reception immediately following ceremony", so people don't expect a meal.

QueerFemme

Ps. If you decide you cannot host any type of reception at all. I would suggest doing a private ceremony maybe with just parents/siblings and go have dinner with your immediate family after.

vvlcek21

 Everyone I appreciate the advice. I sat down with my mom and dad tonight along with my FI and looked at my parents wedding in which they only had finger foods and cake. THey also opened their gifts in front of their guests too. We decided since We are getting married in my church and it doesnt have a community hall we will host the small reception down the street at my FI's church where there is a community hall that will provide enough elbow room for everyone. My mom loved the Ipod movie because she at least want me to share a dance with my daddy. We decided on a ceremoney time of 2:30pm because my FI's and my parents both got married at that time. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THE ADVICE!!!!