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Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding

What do you think of having a special breakfast reception 2 weeks before the wedding for everyone that we could not accommodate at our evening reception after our ceremony? We are having 175 guests at our evening reception, but would like to have some sort of special breakfast celebration for another 120 guests. These 120 guests would also be invited to our ceremony 2 weeks later. I know it sounds crazy, but my fiance just can't help the desire to include everyone in some way. We're having it beforehand due to cold weather after the return from our honeymoon. What do you think?

Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding

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    Unfortunately this just isn't appropriate.

    In fact, it's actually really bad etiquette.

    Anyone invited to a pre-wedding function needs to be invited to the wedding.

    And if you're doing what you stated in your OP that you're inviting some of these people to the ceremony but you can't accommodate them at your evening reception then you need to change that immediately.  It's extremely inappropriate etiquette (and quite rude) to invite people to the ceremony who are not invited to the same reception as the rest of the guests.

    If you want to hold a big breakfast for friends or just throw a party that's fine.  But please don't throw some kind of consolation party for those you can't include.  Just keep the reception the way it is.

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    fsimpsonfsimpson member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    Then maybe we won't call it a reception,  just "Brunch At The Lake." All of the 120 people are people from work, church and our neighbors. This list doesn't include any family or close friends.
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    I'm not even going to ask how you have a breakfast celebration to celebrate a wedding that hasn't happened yet, so I'll just jump into the rest of your question.  If I understand correctly, you want to invite 120 B-List people to the ceremony but not the evening reception.  IMO that seems pretty tacky.  How would your invitation read.?  "Recption to Follow But Only for the A-List".  Are you going to have bouncers at the door to keep out the B-List people?

    I'd suggest finding a way to accomodate all 295 people at the evening reception or leaving the extra 120 people off the guest list all together.  If your venue can't accomodate that many people there's your answer.  If it's budget, there are a ton  of things that can be done to cut the cost per person so you can afford the extra guests.  There's no sense making almost half your "friends" feel second class.

     
       

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_holding-breakfast-reception-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:da40c473-a693-4a9d-9546-59a3468cc88fPost:a91fafff-694e-4986-801d-fd3c5240526b">Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Then maybe we won't call it a reception,  just "Brunch At The Lake." All of the 120 people are people from work, church and our neighbors. This list doesn't include any family or close friends.
    Posted by fsimpson[/QUOTE]

    Call it what you will everyone will know it's the consolation party!!!
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    fsimpsonfsimpson member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    We'll also be taking guests out on the boat to sail on the lake .

    Their invitation would read:

    Please join us for "Brunch At The Lake"  to celebrate the upcoming marriage of
    _________ and _________
    on August 27, 2011
     at 11am in the morning

    (ADDRESS)

    and on
    September 10, 2011
    to witness their exchange of vows
    at 4pm in the afternoon at
    Word of Faith Int'l Christian Center
    Southfield, MI.






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    How do you think those extra 120 people are going to feel when your real friends head to the reception?

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    I think they'll be happy to be included in some way than in no way at all. Every week, we have people running up to us asking to be included in our special day. We belong to a church with over 20,000 members and we've been members there for the past 20 years.

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    I'll make sure to keep you all informed of the outcome. Thanks for your posts!
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    edited November 2010
    You're obviously drawing the line somewhere....I mean you're only inviting 120 of 20,000, right.   Why not invite the other 19,880 to the breakfast reception too?!?!?!?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_holding-breakfast-reception-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:da40c473-a693-4a9d-9546-59a3468cc88fPost:47c56cef-19a8-4db5-aa7d-a19ebd31fd08">Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think they'll be happy to be included in some way than in no way at all. Every week, we have people running up to us asking to be included in our special day. We belong to a church with over 20,000 members and we've been members there for the past 20 years.
    Posted by fsimpson[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, most people really don't feel this way.

    When people want to be included they mean in the main event.  Weddings are an all or nothing thing.  There isn't a "I created this side party for you because you weren't worthy enough to make it to the main event" thing that is suddenly OK in the eyes of most.

    So if you want to hold a breakfast then have one, but it certainly can't have ANYTHING to do with your wedding.  It can simply be a breakfast that you're hosting.  Period.

    To do anything beyond that is quite rude.

    And PLEASE don't invite these people to your wedding if they're not invited to the reception.

    It's understandable to feel like you want to include everyone you know.  However if you can't have them at the ceremony and real reception, just say, "Oh unfortunately we can't invite everyone.  Let's get together when we're back from the honeymoon." and leave it.

    Because people honestly aren't THAT into you that they'll go to any event that you host.
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    Ditto PPs.  Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be invited to your reception that is following the ceremony.  Not part of the reception, not a different reception.

    What you are planning on doing is extremely tacky and rude.  No matter if you call it a reception or "Brunch at the Lake" it is totally inappropriate.

    That is also extremely rude of your acquaintances to be running up to you every day and asking if they are invited to the wedding.

    Like others have said, either find a new venue that will hold all of your guests, or make cuts to your budget to accommodate everyone at ONE reception.
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_holding-breakfast-reception-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:da40c473-a693-4a9d-9546-59a3468cc88fPost:68c50ffe-0990-4403-8aad-a672f969a322">Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll make sure to keep you all informed of the outcome. Thanks for your posts!
    Posted by fsimpson[/QUOTE]
    I have a feeling that OP is going to have her "Brunch at the Lake" regardless of what we say.
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_holding-breakfast-reception-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:da40c473-a693-4a9d-9546-59a3468cc88fPost:47c56cef-19a8-4db5-aa7d-a19ebd31fd08">Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think they'll be happy to be included in some way than in no way at all. Every week, we have people running up to us asking to be included in our special day. We belong to a church with over 20,000 members and we've been members there for the past 20 years.
    Posted by fsimpson[/QUOTE]<div>Just tell them, sorry, but we can't include everyone.</div><div>
    </div><div>THEY are the ones being rude for trying to get an invite like that. Let them be the rude ones. Rise above the peer pressure and just say no.

    </div>
    image
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_holding-breakfast-reception-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:da40c473-a693-4a9d-9546-59a3468cc88fPost:47c56cef-19a8-4db5-aa7d-a19ebd31fd08">Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think they'll be happy to be included in some way than in no way at all. Every week, we have people running up to us asking to be included in our special day. We belong to a church with over 20,000 members and we've been members there for the past 20 years.
    Posted by fsimpson[/QUOTE]
    You are not Princess Diana.  People are not so desperate to have any involvement in your wedding that they are willing to take whatever scraps you deign to throw them.  If you're not close enough to them to be willing to change your actual reception to accommodate everyone, they're not close enough to you to care that they didn't make the cut.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I know it is hard to not invite everyone. I had a last-minute panic attack as I was putting the Save the Dates in the mail. As hard as it is to hear, it is just not appropriate to 1) invite someone to the ceremony who isn't on the reception guest list, and 2) to do a runners-up brunch.

    People are inevitably going to assume they are also invited to the reception (because nobody ever excludes wedding guests from the reception - it is a package deal.) Also, who would WANT to only go to the ceremony? If I go to a wedding and give a gift, I sure will want some cake!

    Instead of a runners up brunch for 120, invite 60 extra people to the reception, or whatever the budget/space allows.

    I know you really are trying to be inclusive and sweet, but in the end it will just make people feel more excluded and hurt.
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    Sorry, but this is just an awful idea.  I think it's inappropriate to send someone an invitation that says "come and celebrate the upcoming wedding of......."  That's called a shower, or a b-party, or an e-party, and it's poor form to throw any prewedding parties for yourself.

    And I have to tell you,  I think you're overestimating how much people will really care about not being part of your "big day".

    I am a church organist, and I've served the church for 28 years.  My children grew up in that church, and EVERYONE knew them.  They were the organist equivalent of a PK.

    And my son and DIL invited exactly 1 couple from church to their wedding, and DD and SIL invited exactly 3 couples, one of whom was the minister who married them and his wife.

    And not a single other person in the church was p!ssy about that.  They all oohed and aahed over wedding pictures, and were thrilled for our kids, and for us.

    Skip the pity party you're planning for those who didn't make the varsity team.  I think your heart is in the right place, but it's just a bad decision.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Yeah....bad call.  With the money you'd spend on breakfast for 120, you could likely accommodate more people at the actual reception. 

    I would be incredibly offended if I were invited to a wedding related event and wasn't even invited to the reception. 
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    way to reword a gift grab.
    no way.

     

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_holding-breakfast-reception-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:da40c473-a693-4a9d-9546-59a3468cc88fPost:7451ffb6-d252-4226-ab13-672c72eb5d54">Re: Holding A Breakfast Reception Before The Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Unfortunately this just isn't appropriate. In fact, it's actually really bad etiquette. Anyone invited to a pre-wedding function needs to be invited to the wedding. And if you're doing what you stated in your OP that you're inviting some of these people to the ceremony but you can't accommodate them at your evening reception then you need to change that immediately.  It's extremely inappropriate etiquette (and quite rude) to invite people to the ceremony who are not invited to the same reception as the rest of the guests. If you want to hold a big breakfast for friends or just throw a party that's fine.  But please don't throw some kind of consolation party for those you can't include.  Just keep the reception the way it is.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    THIS. ALL OF THIS IS EXACTLY RIGHT. (excuse me for yelling)
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    Yeah, bad idea.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2010
    Yeah, this is horribly rude.  

    If you do it anyway, I'm sure you'll come back and talk about how no one was offended.  Of course, they'll be talking about how rude you are behind your back, but you won't know about it.  I know being remembered for selfish behavior is exactly how every little girl wants to remember her wedding.  
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    Bad idea. Very, very, very bad idea.

    You sound like you're going to do it anyway, but seriously, this is an incredibly rude and bad idea. I just need to say this in case you needed just one more person to say it was a terrible idea to you to make you realize it and change your mind.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    I would feel bad/sad/confused  if I knew that other guest are now off to the reception and I'm going home, after the ceremony.
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