Donation Favor Idea

klruss

We had originally planned to do donations to our favorite charities as wedding favors for our guests.  We have seen them a couple times before and really liked the idea. 
About a month ago, my Fiance's best man passed away unexpectedly and he was a teacher who grew up playing hockey.  His parents have set up a scholarship fund in his name with a local hockey program and now we really want to donate our favor money to just that and give that as a favor to our guests.  My Finace is hesitant, as he doesn't want to take the focus off our day and give a "sad favor" to remind everyone.  I can see what he means but at the same time I think it's a great tribute and would definitely go to a great cause.  Any thoughts and suggestions are appreciated.

MyNameIsNot

A donation is not a favor to your guests.  It is something you do with the money instead of having favors.   

Anyway, go ahead and donate the money to the scholarship fund if that's where your heart is.  There's no need to tell your guests that you made that donation, so the "sad" won't really be an issue.  Favors aren't a requirement, and people don't need to know why you skipped them, or how you spend your money.  Donations are a private matter, and telling people comes off as bragging and that giving to charity is a once in a lifetime event for you.  Make the donation and keep it to yourself.  Should someone happen to ask why you don't have traditional favors, answer honestly. 

danieliza1127

I don't think that donations are favors to your guests.  I think if you and your FI want to make a donation to that scholarship instead of buying favors, that's fine, you should do that.  But I don't think you should or need to then pass that info out to your guests.  It's fine not to give favors at all, we didn't and many weddings skip them these days.

trix1223

ditto the other ladies.  To paraphrase another poster:  "You don't tell people what they're not getting."

Essentially, a donation, while a wonderful idea that I heartily endorse, is NOT giving your guests a trinket or a small edible.  Take the money, donate it to your friend's charity, but don't feel a need to tell your guests about it.

Favors won't be missed.

antimony

I'm going to disagree with those above -- a donation in someone's name is a gift, although like any gift, some people will appreciate it and some won't. 

Then again, charity donations as Christmas presents are fairly common in my family, especially among the adults. 

What about just stating that in lieu of favors, a donation has been given to the Friend's Name fund?  No lengthy explanation, no dwelling on it -- those who know who he is will be touched, and those who do not, wouldn't be likely to bring it up. 

hollieheidi

Our ceremony site is a National Historic Landmark and they are continuing to restore the building.  We aren't having traditional favors, but we are putting out a card that just states:

"In honor of your attendance, we have made a donation in the name of each of our guests to the Ceremony Site for the preservation and restoration of this National Historic Landmark." 

We didn't mention the "no favors" and didn't say "in lieu of".  We're only putting one note on each table, not at every setting. 

Most of our friends are very charitbale anyway and if anyone asks about the favors we'll explain.  I don't think that we are telling people what they didn't recieve and some will be in agreement with the donation and some won't.

gottahavashorti

Charity donations go over well in my crowd, but we are not at all picky about our charities.  Many people are cautious of some charities based on their beliefs, structure, etc. so charity donations are controversial.

As PPs have said, it's best to quietly donate the amount that would have gone to favors rather than letting the guests know.  One compromise I like that is probably not a possibility with your charity is to purchase guest favors from a charity that are not branded with the charity name.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_donation-favor-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:e5d9a52f-9904-44a3-ba3e-b246893e2c26Post:1ba047e1-355c-4d9c-9c74-f3388863c53a">Re: Donation Favor Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]we are putting out a card that just states: "In honor of your attendance, we have made a donation in the name of each of our guests to the Ceremony Site for the preservation and restoration of this National Historic Landmark."  Posted by hollieheidi[/QUOTE]

This is exactly the kind of bragging I'm talking about being in poor taste.  There is no conceivable reason why your guests would need to know that you made a donation, and putting it out there just comes off as AWish.

Just make the donation and be happy with the good feeling you get inside from knowing you did it.

How exactly are you making a donation in each guest's name?

hollieheidi

FYI, the owners of the building are all friends of ours and are and will be in attendance.  As if I need to explain any more to you....

Our friends and family are very big on charitable donations.  We are all trying to make sure that this building is preserved and restored.  Most if not all of our friends that are attending volunteer and work there off and on throughout the year.  Hence the reason this venue is a very special place to us....and our friends. 

We are making a donation in each person's name, i.e. the guest list.  I'm not saying,

"Hey guys, 

I really wanted to buy you something nice as a favor, but instead I decided to be selfish and spend my favor money by giving it to charity.  I know it means alot to me, but you can go home and look it up to see what it means since it's not someone you know or even really like.  I really wish I could have given you some crappy candle to leave in your car for 6 months, measuring spoons shaped like hearts, or bag of candy you don't like to make me feel better about myself.  I know you'll understand because I want my pretty princess day and I get what I want."

Just remember, you don't always know each situaiton and I don't think that donations such as this are ALWAYS in poor taste.  I think that if their friend was a friend of the family or their group of friends that they would not think that a dontion to the fund set up in his name would be in poor taste.

I think a donation in my name to PETA would be wrong as I am not a vegetarian. I do however think that it depends on your circle of friends and family and what may not be acceptable in some circles may be expected in others.

duckie1905

Personally, I don't want someone donating something in my name or honor.  I like to choose my own charities.

Charity favors are not a gift to the guests so don't treat them like they are.  I fully support everyone's right to give to the charity that they choose but donations in lieu of favors is not a gift for the guest.  Then, advertising it the way most couples do screams "look what I did and how great I am!"

klruss

Wow!  I did not realize that this was such a touchy subject, I was just looking for some advice and thought this would be a good place to go.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and if everyone's was the same, things would get pretty boring pretty quickly I suppose.
Referring to any of the above as bragging is a tad bit excessive, yet at the same time I can understand how one might come to that conclusion.  There are about 150 people expected at our wedding, most, if not all of whom we know really well, which is the way we wanted it (sorry, no distant friends of my parents who I met once are allowed).  About 120 of those knew my Finace's BM, who also happened to be our roommate for the past 3 years.  For those few that did not know him, they will be aware of him after the ceremony when there is a big empty spot next to my Fiance at the alter where he was supposed to stand and his name in the program as the Best Man and his boutonniere given to his parents.  I guess I am just failing to see how giving money to his scholarship fund (which will not only honor his memory and infectous spirit but will also help out a child who's looking to further his education) and then informing our guests with a single note card at each table or however we end up doing it, is bragging.  I find it beyond hard to believe that any of our guests will even remotely think of it as us bragging about this great thing we did.  I find it extremely difficult  to believe that any of our guests would be offended and be thinking, "Hey, you know, they really have some nerve,  putting money into this lousy scholarship fund in my name, I mean, I didn't even know this guy."  It's just not going to happen.  For our guests that knew him, they will be touched by the gesture and for those that didn't, they will also because they at least know how big a part of our life he was.  If we announced it during the ceremony three times and than another 20 at the reception, then I would call it tacky and bragging.  Bragging? Cheapening the gesture?  Hardly. 

MyNameIsNot

The stuff discussed here is exactly the same thing your guests will think, but not say, and it's good to see the different perspectives.  There are several things that I brought here to get a variety of opinions on, and I'm glad I did. 

What logical reason would anyone have to share that they made a donation besides patting themselves on the back?  I've asked that several times, and no one can answer it.  Because it is nothing but bragging. 

If you have self-less motives in making a donation, you don't feel a need to tell other people about it. 

duckie1905

I went to a wedding last year in which one of the BMs had recently died of cancer.  They honored her during the ceremony and they placed favor cards explaining a donation that was made.  Most of the people at the wedding knew or knew of the BM and her death was horrible for many of the guests.

So, I knew the BM.  I knew how horrible her disease was and I knew how much her family went through.  I still though it was super AWish to print out little cards announcing the donation.

Of course, I didn't tell the bride any of this.  I just snickered to myself, shared it with DH and a few friends (who also agreed) and went about my life.

Something tastefully printed in the program would've been fine but donating to this charity was not a gift to me, it was a cancer charity that I do not support, and it was not necessary to waste money on little cards to ensure that everyone knew about the donation that was made.

huney_bunches2003

we are also considering this for our favors. my suggestion for you would be so that your fiance didn't feel uncomfortable to donate anonymously. If you are going to put out donation cards for the tables just say something generic on them for example: "we are donating $500.00 to our favorite charity in the honor of our guests."

JoshandJenHonick

I have to disagree with everyone that posts to this that it is bragging in some way to make a donation in lieu of favors. My fiance and I are making a donation to the Lupus Foundation in lieu of favors to honor my sister-in-law, who has been struggling with lupus for many years. My family is very close-knit, and her struggle with the disease has affected all of us. Our donation is partly in celebration of the fact that she's able to be with us on our wedding day. And that's just it - this is OUR wedding day. Everyone that attends the wedding and reception is there for us, in honor of us starting our new life together - a life together which will undoubtedly include our families.

If a guest doesn't appreciate that a donation has been made to a charity of our choice, and thinks it's tacky, then so be it. I find it hard to believe that any of them would really think to themselves that they'd rather have a matchbox with our names on it, or m&ms with our initials instead.

You're all right that it's not a gift to the guests, but it is a gift, in honor of your marriage, your family, and what you feel is best for you and your FI on your wedding day.

aerinpegadrak

I'm cool with donation favors when it's something that actually is for the guests, but still ties in with the charity.  So like bookmarks for a literacy foundation, or packets of seeds for an environmental group. 

I get kind of uncomfortable when ANYONE brings up their charitable donations at ANY time, because it sends the message that they're doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons.  There are several charities that I personally support, but I don't talk about it unless it comes up in conversation.

Also, you really never can tell which charities are controversial.  FI can't stand the Red Cross because he's seen their numbers, and most of the contributions they get go into their own overhead rather than to the people who actually need the money.  So he'd be pretty unhappy to have someone make a donation in his name to an organization whose business practices he opposes.