Complicated Reception

braveslacrosse1

We are having a morning wedding, our parents are hosting a brunch reception and we are hosting an evening (bar) reception. Our parents' reception can only seat ~140 guests, but that doesn't include all of the people that we want to invite to our 'evening' reception. Do I send Save the Date's to everyone? Do I send out different Reception Information to those invited just to brunch and just to bar? What do I tell people who are invited to both and to those who are not invited to both? Help!

vsgal

All of your guests must be invited to all parties.  It is rude to split up the guests lists.  It makes you look like you only want gifts.    I would skip the evening reception all together.  There is no point in having it.  Or you can move your wedding to afternoon/early evening and then have the reception and after party.

Simply Fated

You shouldn't be grouping your guests like that. "What do I tell people who are invited to both and to those who are not invited to both?" You can tell them they "You aren't important enough to be invited to both parties, but here is the information to the part of the reception you are allowed to attend..." For those you did invite to both parties you can say, "Congratulations, you were chosen to attend both events! Here is all the information you need..."

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_complicated-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb9c5bf7-6f2d-42fc-8874-61fbdbd2d507Post:de9ea8ed-f9b8-402c-b786-22ca3bbc4358">Complicated Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a morning wedding, our parents are hosting a brunch reception and we are hosting an evening (bar) reception. Our parents' reception can only seat ~140 guests, but that doesn't include all of the people that we want to invite to our 'evening' reception. Do I send Save the Date's to everyone? Do I send out different Reception Information to those invited just to brunch and just to bar? What do I tell people who are invited to both and to those who are not invited to both? Help!
Posted by braveslacrosse1[/QUOTE]

Well, what kind of wording would YOU like to see on a tiered invitation sent to you as a guest?  "You're a winner!  You get to come to both receptions and tie up your morning and evening for us!"   or  "Sorry, you didn't make the cut to earn dinner but thanks for getting up early to watch our nuptials and have brunch with us."


The others are right.  You can't tier your guests.  A gap is also terribly inconvenient for guests.  Have the morning wedding followed by a brunch reception for everyone.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_complicated-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb9c5bf7-6f2d-42fc-8874-61fbdbd2d507Post:de9ea8ed-f9b8-402c-b786-22ca3bbc4358">Complicated Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a morning wedding, our parents are hosting a brunch reception and we are hosting an evening (bar) reception. Our parents' reception can only seat ~140 guests, but that doesn't include all of the people that we want to invite to our 'evening' reception. Do I send Save the Date's to everyone? Do I send out different Reception Information to those invited just to brunch and just to bar? What do I tell people who are invited to both and to those who are not invited to both? Help!
Posted by braveslacrosse1[/QUOTE]

What exactly constitutes a "bar reception"?

In either case, everyone has to be invited to both.

AdeleDazeem

There's a reason you don't know what to say - because there is no good way to say it.

You have to invite everyone to everything.

skantrowitz

I agree with the others. The only way to make this work is to have a very small ceremony with immediate family and wedding party only, do brunch with them, and then the actual reception with everyone that night. That's still iffy etiquette-wise, but people will understand if you keep the ceremony very small. If you have 140 people in the morning and 240 at night, the last 100 are going to feel like second-class citizens for sure.

J&K10910

This is not the royal wedding.  I'd pick one.  If you want a later party with booze and such, maybe plan an after party for guests that want to attend?  But I wouldn't want to spend my whole day at a wedding and receptions, or have an entire day to kill in between the morning ceremony and evening reception if I wasn't cool enough to go to the brunch.  I likely wouldn't attend at all then, unless it was local to me, or an area I wanted to travel to anyway.

Grits8812

If they are invited to the wedding and brunch reception, they have to be invited to the later "reception".  Once one person finds out that there are two receptions, I doubt it will all go over smooth.

RebeccaB88

They're right, everyone needs to be invited to all events.  To do otherwise is ranking your guests in order of importance, and I guarantee you there would be a lot of people offended to be ranked as not good enough. I know I would be.  It might even end the friendship.

Have your wedding and invite everyone to the brunch reception.  If your parent's venue can't fit the entire guest list, then either cut the guest list to fit or find a venue that will include everyone.  Then, in the evening, you can host your own afterparty at the bar (or wherever), but again, you must invite everyone to the afterparty that was invited to the wedding and reception. They don't have to attend, it's okay to let them know it's optional.  But the invitation must be extended.  If you can't afford to host (read: pay for everything) for everyone, then you can just spread by word of mouth or email that you and your new husband will be at XXX Bar at 7pm to celebrate and anyone who would like to join you is welcome. 

[Deleted User]

Kate Middleton did it, so can you! 

I'm guessing that you're inviting more of your friends to your "evening reception" than the morning reception your parents are hosting, and I think they would understand if you said the morning was for family/family friends. 

Send the Save the Dates to everyone, and send the "evening only" details when you send out your invites.  I don't think it would be a good idea to NOT invite people to the evening reception if they were invited to the morning one though...

ap142193

Send save the dates to everyone and then send individual invitations for each event.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_complicated-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb9c5bf7-6f2d-42fc-8874-61fbdbd2d507Post:cfb5881f-624c-4662-acac-c4e15e0ac181">Re: Complicated Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Kate Middleton did it, so can you!  I'm guessing that you're inviting more of your friends to your "evening reception" than the morning reception your parents are hosting, and I think they would understand if you said the morning was for family/family friends.  Send the Save the Dates to everyone, and send the "evening only" details when you send out your invites.  I don't think it would be a good idea to NOT invite people to the evening reception if they were invited to the morning one though...
Posted by bhomann[/QUOTE]

Are you effing kidding me???

You get that Kate Middleton had to invite a crapload of people that were there for political reasons right?  And as for your logic, everyone was invited to the brunch following the wedding.  Their friends (ie, none of granny's state invites) went to the evening reception.

braveslacrosse1

I just know both my mother and grandmother are going to veto this dual-reception invitation concept due to etiquette. I just want have a great time with all of our friends who live in the area and want to come to the ceremony too but we can't include all of them at the brunch.What if we call the brunch 'family and close friends' only? But then some others' might be hurt because they're not considered 'close friends'? UGH sometimes I hate etiquette!

braveslacrosse1

Thanks for everyones advice! I do appreciate all opinions and perspectives!!

"Bar Reception" means me and my hubby throwing money down at a bar downtown and having a 'smashing good time' with our friends until the funds are consumed, literally and figuratively. We won't be wearing our ceremony attire - just a cocktail dress (me) and slacks (him). It'll be a 3-day holiday weekend and we aren't going on a honeymoon because he is still in flight training, so back to Cali we go after the weekend.

AllyceB

That is a really tough thing... I would be afraid of hurting feelings but I did have a friend who invited people to just the "party" part of her reception and it worked out just fine I think. I don't believe they came to the ceremony though but they just used word of mouth or an email to invite them to come and enjoy the party after dinner. It was a very small reception though so it was easy for them to say, our venue will only be able to seat a certain number of people but it would mean the world to us if you were able to come celebrate with us later. It might be better to have the bar reception a different night to avoid the awkwardness but if its not possible I think you could make it work. I'd make seperate STDs for the different events and specify on there what they are invited to, if to all 3 or just the party. Maybe include a note to those that are just included in the party to explain it a little better and just blame the venue size.

As for asking people to dedicate their whole day to your wedding, I think if they love you they will be there. I also think mostly friends and immediate family would go to the bar reception and some of them won't have been there earlier so it would be ok. I hope you get a great night of sleep and drink lots of coffee through out the day! Sounds like a marathon for you two!!

Good Luck!

hollyweenOR

I'd just do the wedding + AM reception, and that's the wedding day, full stop. And since it's a 3-day weekend, assuming the wedding's Saturday AM, send out something entirely different (and more casual, maybe an eVite or FB event) for Sunday night- drinks are on us, come toast us and catch up and have a good ol' time. So when people ask, you can honestly say that the wedding & reception were smaller, family-centered events.