not seeing eye-to-eye

sarlah

Hey ladies :)So I will try to make this short and spare all the boring details, but basically between the wedding and buying a house FI & I aren't really "connecting" anymore.I'm so focused on the wedding, and he is so focused on the house, we aren't really finding common ground right now.I know one of the problems is that we have a lack of time and money to just do "couple things", things having nothing to do with the wedding or house.I was looking at my calendar for September and it's already pretty full, and then every single weekend in October is spoken for between WR things and birthdays.We don't live together, but are lucky enough to see each other nightly, and this is a replica of how our conversation goes "What do you think of this flooring? How about this paint color? What about these invitations? Do you like these flowers?"I know, it's kind of funny - but it's really becoming a problem.We're getting snippy with each other, and saying "I don't care, pick whatever you want." a lot more than I care for. I know this is the kind of thing many couples go through, but I'm scared of it becoming our new "routine". We're both pretty easy going people, and I don't want our lack of communication right now, to become our new form of communication. Does that make sense? I'm just so lost and I don't know how to get out of this rut. I'm not trying to sound whiny or anything, I just don't know what to do and the way things are right now just is not working.TIA to anyone who actually read all of this

Eliza_Land

I'm sorry Sarah. Matt and I went through a similar thing when he was trying to sell his condo. I just had to take a break from planning for a bit. I put a one week ban on all  wedding related conversation, and asked him to forget about the condo as much as possible.I think all couples need a break sometime. Its supposed to be fun, but its also easy to lose sight of that.

FutureMrs.McC

Yea, everyone goes through these things and the fact that you don't live together probably doesn't help.  Let's see...For the most part guys do NOT care about the wedding stuff.  Pick something and ask him if he likes it.  Done.  Don't show him a million invitations because he really doesn't care or even understand why it matters.  Now, for the house.  Have you already purchased one or still looking?  If you're still looking just wait to pick out things like paint color since you don't know what the house will be.  Oh wait, are you the one that's currently building?  If that's the case, you probably need to focus on the finishes.Really try to set aside some time for the two of you to just "be".  Talk about things other than the wedding and the house.  Go see a movie.  GL it'll all work out.

sarlah

I should clarify that we are currently in escrow, and escrow *should* be closing mid-September.

CNN in 2010

I'm really sorry to hear that.... but like you acknowledge this is something that is very common in many couples.  My fi and I were just in a rut a couple of weeks ago.  But THE #1 thing is to communicate, tell him how you're feeling.  I felt like my relationship with my fi wasn't much of a relationship lately but we both have so much going on in our lives that it's easy to get side tracked.  I talked to him about how I was feeling and that we need to take a break from all the stressful events in our life and focus on each other even if it's only for an hour.  Tell each other how you feel for one another, have a conversation about what you can both do for each other to make one another feel wanted and appreciated and then make that a priority in your everday routine.  It's not easy but it is important and necessary!Good luck and try not to stress over it to much.

sarlah

Thanks ladies :)I think I just need to hear & remember that everything will be Ok. This is just a very busy & stressful time in our lives, the wedding & buying a house will all pass, and the goal is to get to everything after those events.

LadyBird9

Aw Sarah! Hang in there... It will get better. Everyone gets in ruts like that once and a while. Especially when there is soooo much going on at one time. You can keep venting here to us and I promise things will get back together soon!

joeys_wife

So sorry to here that Sarlah but don't fret it will work out. My FH and I went through the same thing, just add four kids to the mix.... Tough. Forget all the house and wedding stuff for one night. Throw your itinerary out the window and go on a date where no one mentions anything that has to do with either. Hang out, remember what it was that made you fall in love with him in the first place. All that other stuff is not as important as both of you being together. Everything will work out.