IL's driving me crazy about the "real wedding" (long)

sarlah

On Saturday we went to dinner for FFIL's birthday, and part way through dinner the wedding comes up, and FFIL blurts out "Well your mom (FMIL) isn't really happy about the wedding." *stunned silence* Then he says "Well, she's not happy about not being invited to the "real wedding" here."Now what he is talking about it the fact the FI and I are not getting legally married in Cancun, we are just signing the papers here so we can be legally married this year (as some of you know - for the tax break this year, we need it). We have gone over this with them multiple times. I'm starting to get really offended that they keep referring to our wedding in Cancun as not a real wedding. IL's are convinced that we are having some sort of mini wedding here that we just aren't inviting them to. We have continually told them that we consider our "real wedding" to be in Cancun, when we say our vows in front of our families & friends. We are only signing legal documents here, we are not saying any vows here. We only want to say our vows once, for real, in front of the people we love.They just don't get it. They think we have to say vows here, which we don't. FI's aunt is ordained and is just going to complete the documents with us and send them in. I got really pissed and just snapped at them "Look it, we can have a dinner where you can sit and watch us sign the papers, but we ARE NOT saying vows in California." I think FIL's were a little taken back by that, because I never snap at anyone really, but enough is enough! This is our darn wedding, and I swear if they say one more time that the wedding in Cancun isn't a "real wedding" I'm going to tell them they don't need to go if that's how they feel about it. Why would they want to attend a "fake wedding" anyway? They've made it abundantly clear that we are stupid for having a DW.I am so right at that point where I just hate weddings. Between IL's, bridal shower drama, and my mom deciding she hates my MOH now, I just want to tell everyone to *bleep* off. Weddings bring out the wrost in everyone, it's terrible.*vent over* I also have to apologize, I feel like I only complain on here anymore. It makes me quite sad because I love Knotting and so many of you ladies on here, I hate to be Negative Nancy.TIA to anyone who reads this

IrisS

Awww sarah, I know exactly how you feel! I can't even count the number of times our families implied that we were being selfish by going away. Sometimes i honestly want to plug my ears and go "lala la la la la ai can't hear you lalalalal" because i am so tired explaining the same thing over and over again. So your vent is completely justified. Hang in there - this will all be over pretty soon, and you will be happily getting married in Cancun with warm breeze in your hair. It will be awesome

Bigwuhead

Screw them!  hahaha.  If only it were that easy.  Maybe you should just invite them a long to sign the legal documents... i dunno.  Otherwise (if they are anything like my FIL's or even my parents) they will never shut up.

sarlah

I just figured out what we're going to do. Invite everyone over for a pizza & beer night, and sign everything then. IL's will probably hate that, but FI & I will love it, and I get some serious satisfaction from that right now.

chaas82

OMG i totally know what you are saying. My FILs have done this already too - we are having a "convalidation ceremony" at their church when we get back from the DW, and FFIL keeps calling it "the wedding". UM NO. "the wedding" is the DW! And its legit, its still the US even tho its the virgin islands. He didnt even want me to wear a "real wedding dress" down there! WTF! Oh and he didnt want me to invite my friends, and that they should be invited to the AHR and ceremony. Well thats when I snapped on him and said, um actually my friends are going and I will even pay for them to come if I have to!!! Ugh! And Im only doing the ceremony at thier church to make them happy!

alisonpilgrim610

I know how you feel too...as we've discussed IL's before!You can't let people get you down. people are always going to be people and it doesn't really matter WHAT they think!I agree, weddings really do show you a lot about the people around you! That's for sure! They also show who really cares about you & who doesn't....I have the same attitude. If you don't like it, then don't come. It's not about YOU!! It's about ME!! LOLno problem for venting!! All of us knotties understand whole heartedly (did I spell that right? don't think so)!!

Soon2bMrsNaylor

I totally vote for beer and pizza night Don't worry about venting on here, that's what we're here for. Who else would understand what you're going through?

natalee215

Not that it will make you feel any better, but I went through many of the same situations: bridal shower drama, my mom and MIL and MIL and MOH didn't get along, I had to kick DH's sister out of the wedding because she never showed up for the shower.  It seems like a huge nightmare, but it will all be worth it in the end.  I promise!

JSBB2010

I thnk the **bleep off** is a great idea! Sometimes you just have to let it out for real!

ginaherman6

Sorry to hear your IL's are being such PIA's! I agree with everyone else and think beer and pizza nite is a great idea. Prove them wrong! Hopefully they will behave better once they realize how wrong they were. {{{{Hugs}}}}

SandalGirl

Totally do beer and pizza. You're doing a great job will dealing with all of this - all of you ladies are! I feel slightly guilty admitting that our families have been super cool about the whole destination thing. Although, we are doing the legal thing there - no one has made us feel guilty... yet You guys are strong, and you're going to have AMAZING weddings!

kreeves42

That's why I'm not telling any of them!! My parents and his parents think that the wedding in Mexico is the only wedding. We are just "going to get our marriage license" on Wednesday. And honestly, the reason I did that was because I know they wouldn't have gone to Mexico with us knowing that we were already legally married here.