I'm so heartless

chosen175

Last weekend, FI and I decided that we were going to elope and have an AHR for everyone when we got back. I wasn't keen on not at least inviting our parents, but I see his point - if we invite everyone, we'll have to have a party in Savannah AND a party at home, and it will be even longer until we can afford the wedding. So I said fine, let's not invite anyone. Two days later, I found out there's a pretty high probability that my mom has cancer. And now I feel like a heartless a$$ for having to tell her she's not invited to my wedding. If we invite my mom and nobody else, my family will be MAJORLY mad. If we invite all the parents (both our parents are divorced, some remarried, some dating, and I was raised by my aunt & uncle who I also consider my "parents"), it will be another year before we can afford it and who knows what kind of condition my mom will be in then. What would you ladies do? This is eating me up inside.

ukjenn231

Would the rest of the family really be mad considering your mom's condition? Or does everyone not know? It would seem heartless for them to feel that way considering the situation. Or could you invite the parents or whoever you wanted and have them pay their way and not have a party at your DW? FI and I decided to elope and we told our parents they could come if they wanted to pay their way. If they come, I am not having a party for them. I would just go out to eat and they all would know that we couldn't foot the bill. I wouldn't put it off another year though. I don't think money should stand in the way of getting married, personally. I am still in school and FI and I had NO money to spend on a wedding. My dad graciously gave me a small budget so I just planned an affordable wedding and we are getting married within 6 months. If my dad hadn't came through, I would have probably went to the courthouse because I just love FI so much I couldn't stand to wait! Best of luck! So sorry to hear about everything!!

ginaherman6

I know this is probably way off what you would ever want to do or envision for your wedding, but due to the circumstances might work - have you considered a court house wedding w/ just your family, AHR afterward like you already planned, then maybe a year down the road have a vow renewal w/ you and hubby just how you envisioned your elopement? It's a horrible position to be in right now and my heart goes out to you and your family. Either way, I would hope the rest of your fam would understand should you only include your mom. Also on a side note, maybe skip the AHR and just have immediate family at the elopement. We aren't doing an AHR because the majority of who we care about most are going to the wedding. Having an AHR kind of negated saving money on the DW.

*tinkertoy*

Can't you all do something really small and intimate with just your parents? It can't possibly cost that much. You never know what is around the corner and don't want any regrets. I'd include mom as much as possible then you all can sit back and laugh 15 years from now about how much fun you all had. Good luck

SimplyMistaken

I agree with the above.  Just you and your parents only, and ask them to pay their own way.    I can understand it eating you up inside..it would to me as well, but considering you will not feel right without her. 

chosen175

To answer a few questions - yes, there are a handful of people in my family who WOULD be upset if I only invited mom and nobody else.  My family is like that.  My parents are divorced and my dad could care less about what's going on with his ex wife.  He'd just be upset that he missed my big day while someone else got to go.  Whatever.  I'm beyond that right now.  I did mention to my mom last night that I wanted her at the wedding and would move it home and do a small wedding so she can be there.  Her response was "DON'T YOU DARE!"  She said she doesn't want me to regret my wedding because she's sick.  (When we first got engaged, I made it clear that I didn't want a courthouse wedding because it would make me very sad to get married by a judge in 3 minutes.)  If we get married at home, it will go against her wishes and I don't want to do that.  But I also don't want her to miss it.  *sigh*  Why does being an adult have to suck so much?

AprilJT

Lisa I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.  I wouldn't postpone your wedding again, you guys have been waiting long enough.  I think that's wonderful of your mother to not want you to change your plans for her, at least she is being considerate of you.  I would say either invite the parents but tell them all they are getting is an invite because you can't afford to have a big party there then do your rehersal at home. Or don't invite anyone.  It isn't heartless to elope, even with your mom being sick.  You are going to have a party when you get home so its not like she won't be included at all.  Either way, do what makes you happy.  Good luck!   

tiffany8610

That's a really crummy situation.   I really hope everything works out.  I just thought I'd share what I plan on doing, because it may work for you.My FI and I didn't want a big huge wedding, so we decided to do the DW. We said if anyone else wants to come they have to pay for themselves.  If I were you, I would tell your parents that they are welcome to, but to keep it small just leave it at that.   We aren't doing a reception at the destination, just making dinner reservations (we picked an all-inclusive resort, so that'll be cheap lol).  We are doing an AHR, but its a very casual backyard party. Good luck with your decision.

samanthas8882

Your wedding is one day.. your mom is so much more important.