Destination Weddings Discussions

Bridal shower(s)/mixing fams (long)

FI and I both have divorced parents, and that is part of the reason we are doing a planned "elopement." Since I don't have a bridal party, my cousin (on my moms side) has been saying since I got engaged that she is throwing me a bridal shower. We're getting married in January, so she sent me an email asking what would be a good day in early December and who would I like her to invite. FI's mom also asked if anyone was throwing me a bridal shower, and offered to have one in her hometown but said it would be pretty small, so I told her she and FI's sister were welcome to come to my cousin's. No biggie. I also plan to invite FI's step mom and step sister to my cousin's as well because both sides of his family are cordial. Well, my dad just got remarried like last month and my mom has not made it to the point where she would be happy about spending the afternoon together. My mom wouldn't tell me no, but it would ruin her day and since it is her side of the family throwing the shower, I want her to enjoy herself as well. So I have three sides of the family able to be in one place at one time, but I have no idea what to do about my dad's side of the family. It would be different if it was just a friend throwing it. Should I tell my dad about the situation and just to let them know... or what? I would like to celebrate with my step mom, step sisters, grandma, aunts, etc. on my dad's side, but I don't want to be "asking" for a bridal shower. I was thinking about telling my dad about the situation (he would be understanding) so they don't think they were just neglected from the process. Ugh. I swear I hope I never get divorced. It is so complicated. But anyways, what do you think? Tell my dad or just let them bring it up if they are wanting to do something for me?

Re: Bridal shower(s)/mixing fams (long)

  • This stuff is hard. I'll probably invite my mom and stepmom to my shower. It would offend them if I didn't invite either of them, and rude on my part to do so. I see your point about wanting your mom to enjoy herself (truly I do), but I don't think there's any way around inviting your new stepmom unless there's going to be another shower held with family on your dad's side.
  • I had the same situation, except step mom has been in FI's life for over 10 years. I invited both mom & step mom and both grandmas, this way they each had one person with them to ease the day.  FMIL was not a happy camper, but oh well. I would talk to your dad, and see what he says.  Who knows, maybe someone has talked to him about a shower for you, which would help matters.
    A & T Since 2009 Parents of A born July 2010
  • I would go to your dad and say something like "My cousin is throwing me a shower and asked for my guest list.  I'm a little concerned about getting mom's side and your side together - what do you think?" and see what your dad says.  Personally, I think it's silly that people can't put aside their issues for a few hours.  I mean, they'll all be in the same room for the wedding, right?  My parents got divorced when I was still in diapers and thankfully, my mom & dad either are civil to each other or stay on opposite sides of the room when there's a graduation or other big family event.  Just as they have always held us kids accountable for good manners and for our actions towards others, we hold them to the same.  I did have to remind them of that when my sister got married (and my dad happened to be dating someone my mom knew) and they both got a stern lecture, stating if they DARED to ruin the day, I would personally escort both of them out of the reception and make them go home.  lolYour dad sounds like a reasonable guy - see what he thinks. Maybe he will have a solution you haven't thought of.
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