Not happy with FIL's

Tahlora

Well..
My FH and I have been decided on a desanation wedding since we first started talking about getting married. We have not picked a date yet due to FH's waiting on hearing about getting into the field he has been trying (for 3 years) to get into. Will finally find out by may if its going to happen so we have picked inbetween november and april and will pick a final date when we find out. It is driving me nuts but I am willing to wait.
The thing I am ticked about, we went to a dance with FH family and I ended up spending 2 hours almost standing outside, in -10, talking with his very drunk and crying mother, talking about all the issues his dad has with me and stuff. Then she started to list off all the resons why a mexico wedding wasn't going to work and why it was a bad idea and that Noone would be able to attend durring the 5 month span of time we had decided on. And I mean everyone, actualy went through the majority of the people she thinks are going to be invited and told me why they wouldn't attend.
I am just very peeved, one, that someone, other than my FH, is telling me when I can or can't have our wedding, two, that they would lecture me on why i am basicly being selfish in picking a mexico wedding, three, that everyone I might invite is already unable to attend when they don't even know when it will be and four, thinking that I am so selfish that I won't take the time to find out when is the best time for the majority of the people that will be invited.
Am I over reacting? And FMIL isn't the only one who has complained about our wedding so far, but it isn't their decision right? We are going to have a Ahr for everyone who wants to come so they are still included. We have only been engaged for 2 months or so... And FH's brother is getting married this summer in a more traditional wedding so they shouldn't be so fixated on ours already should they?
Any advice would be wonderful.
Thank you!!!

Tahlora

Sorry that was longer that I meant it to be, I just don't have many uninvolved people to talk to about this and am going nuts with the stress and stuff.
Thanks again

kimmykupcakes

Sorry, you are going through this. That's the thing about DW, everyone has an opinion about them. Sounds like you and FI need to sit down and talk about this to see what is most important. Would you be alright having a destination wedding if none of his family came? Are you going to be able to handle the negativity from others towards you and your wedding if you have one? Good luck! I hope it all works out for you. 

jtoly

I agree with Kimmy. Figure out what's most important to you both. I'm eloping, so I don't have to deal with any draw and I feel so bad for the ladies that do. This should be the most happy times in our lives and nobody should feel pressured into doing things they don't want to do. Remember, it's You and Your FIs day!

loramarie03

Sorry you are going through this, but it is common with DW to have a lot of naysayers because it's just a different idea that they aren't used to. My immediately family said they weren't going to come initially and now it looks like most of them will come. Remember this is your special day with your fiance, and as long as you two are happy and having the wedding of your dreams, that's all that matters.

prettyfacegal

Girl...Its yours and FI day. If you have given the family enough time to get their money right to attend the wedding...No problem. Most people would want to see their son get married.

goodine11

Sorry you are going through this. I am also glad you expressed it because, I learned it wasn't just the people in my cirlce but everyone's circle.

I had three of my closet ( so I thought) friends drop out my wedding after they were the ones we asked would they come if it was destination. And they called me on three way. I am saying that to say remember it is your day. Do it how you want to. I have develop the attitude: as long as my FI is waiting on the other end of the aisle, I don't care who is there to witness. Those that really want to be there will be there. 

SunshinyLees

Trust me, we went through the exact same thing when we planned our wedding in Maui. Everyone is going to have an opinion and tell you what you should and shouldn't do and it sucks. In the end you have to do what makes you happy and your family and guests can either chose to come or not. We had a lot of negative feedback at first when we chose Hawaii due to costs but after everyone realized they could get good deals on flights and hotels we ended up with 20 more guests than expected! Even if you had a wedding at home, people would still tell you what they thought, every single one of our friends who are married went through the same thing. Good luck, I feel for you because we went through the exact same thing that you are experiencing but dont worry, everything will work out in the end just perfectly!
Lees

11beck

Like PP's you're definitely not alone in this.  I think we have all at some point had people that didn't think it was a good idea.  Right now my dad still isn't overjoyed and our wedding is less than two months away.  But it's our day and we're doing it our way.  You and your FI need to decide who your must haves are and ask them if they would come to a DW.  If not then maybe it's not for you or maybe you don't have to have them.  Good luck!

Tahlora

Thank you guys so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had origanaly wanted to elope but it would have caused even more issues in the long run I think .
I feel so much better knowing it isn't just me and that I'm not crazy or over sensitive or something lol. My family is good with it and so are the friends I invited, specialy seeing as I have given them a years notice, as to whenish it will be . They look at it as what it is, A.) My wedding and B.) A good excuse for a vacation . I will tell all the ppl with issues that I am sorry they feel that way and that they will be welcome to come to the at home reception if that will be more convinant for them, in a nice way of course.
Thanks for the support!!!

@ prettyfacegal  (About people usualy being happy about their son's getting married) Not my mans family, have already had 2 convos with ppl telling us that there is not hurry for us to get married.... We didn't live together till we got engaged so there wouldn't be any issues with them saying we weren't commited enough to live together and now this, I know I should probably learn to ignore all of their negitivity, but it is so hard lol. We got engaged at a get together with family and close friends so we wouldn't have to tell them ourselfs (cop out I know) and his father grabed a Full bottle of vodka, said "this calls for a drink" and walked away... I am sure really deep, deep down they love me  

irishwife714

I agree with PPs.  We have had plenty of negative reactions to us having a DW.  But they die down after awhile.  We decided to have a DW over a year ago and over time people have let it settle in that they aren't invited to our small wedding in Vegas.  They decided to just be happy for our decision to join in marriage.  People might have issues at first but they either accept it or they don't and then you find out who loves you unconditionally.  We got into a fight with my fiance's godmother because she offered us money to be able to invite more people to our wedding.  We didn't want more people.  We wanted it small, and a few more people wouldn't have solved the issue of inviting everyone that wanted to come.  We had to stick to our guns and do what we had planned.  And now that we're nearly a month away, everything is great, people are supporting us and loving us even though they won't see the wedding in person.  You'll go, get married, and have a lovely time.  Don't worry too much because it's really not worth it.  In the end, it's you and your partner getting married that matters. 

Good luck.