Pennsylvania-Philadelphia
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The fight

FILs like to talk about things like immigration to ME an immigrant, too many immigrants, they are taking over the country, etc.  
They also makes jokes which I don't think are funny, more racist, or generally offensive.  They also don't let things drop, EVER.  They just go on and on and on about one topic in circles never getting to a point.  

They asked if there will be knives at our wedding (this was supposed to be a joke) I let it go, but they kept saying it again and again.  The reason being Americans only eat with a fork after cutting food and Europeans eat with their fork and knife.  So it was a dig.  
They talk about Americans being stupid, fat, lazy, etc.  

The only joke I ever make about Brits is about them being bad bakers.  

This weekend we had to go to a Catholic church and have 2 witnesses sign a paper to say FI was free to marry.  His mom, dad, and grandmom went on Friday night and Sat about how stupid this was and why do they have to do it.  I pointed out in England to get married in a COE church you have to read the Banns which is basically the same thing AND to get married in a civil marriage you have to have your name on the wall of the town hall for 15 days so people can protest the marriage, which is again basically the same thing, but they would not hear any of it.

Then they would not STFU about us going  to pre cana even though they had to meet with their vicar four times before they got married with other couples, which is the same fippen thing!  
Nanny and FMIL went on in the car, in the bridal shop, and then in a tea room about how stupid the Catholic church is UNTIL I yelled at them in the tea room. I said I didn't like how they were talking about my religion and how could they see that counseling could never be a good idea, etc. 

They change the story to say well Catholic are hypocrites b/c they touch little boys.  WTF?  I asked what that had to do with us getting married.  No answer. 

FMIL called FI last night to ask why I could have possibly been so upset.  He explained it was not just Sat it was the past 3 years of their crazy rants. She said it's a joke and I over reacted.  He pointed out I'm from a different culture and for example there are TV shows they love but I don't understand.  She doesn't get it.  She is not able to see things from other people's perspective, which I knew already.  

She thinks everything has worked out for her, so people should do the same.  

I'm actually really angry as I'm writing this and I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.  

Re: The fight

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    edited December 2011
    Wow.  I don't know how you could deal with that.  I would be as upset eif not more upset if I was you.

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    edited December 2011
    It seems from what FI says that they honestly don't see anything wrong with what they are doing. 

    I told FI from on I am going to point out, less dramatically, when I am offended.  Then if they don't change I am not going to see them anymore.  Which in turn means they will not see their grandchildren.  So really the ball will end up being in their court.  
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    FutureMrsTCTFutureMrsTCT member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not a Catholic, and I don't agree with a lot of the points in the religion - but I don't think I'd ever critize anyone, let alone my FDIL. I can certainly understand the fight - or at least the need to defend your opinions and feelings. Sounds like you have a handful to deal with there...I'm sure ignoring it is difficult, but it's probably the best option.

    Or you could go all teacher on them, create a "culture" chart to point out the many similarities - despite different names. FFIL is British, and while he's lived over here for the last 30 years, not a whole lot has changed other than he likes american football and has not a clue about football (soccer). His humor sounds like your FILs too.
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    edited December 2011
    So... the Brits hate us Americans huh?  We're all lazy rude slobs.  Cool.

    I can't believe they would treat you that way since you are marrying their son.  It's one thing to have an opinion about something, but to stereotype and make jokes to someone who will soon be family is pretty offensive.

    I'm glad you spoke up for yourself.  I'm sorry that resulted in more anger/tension with them.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:1370af89-6cca-489b-9d01-1fb775029343Post:895ccb63-060f-4a6e-9202-6343a4b37b73">Re: The fight</a>:
    [QUOTE]So... the Brits hate us Americans huh?  We're all lazy rude slobs.  Cool. I can't believe they would treat you that way since you are marrying their son.  It's one thing to have an opinion about something, but to stereotype and make jokes to someone who will soon be family is pretty offensive. I'm glad you spoke up for yourself.  I'm sorry that resulted in more anger/tension with them.
    Posted by miguelhilary2010[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I so agree with you!  They think it's funny and we don't have the same sense of humor.  Generally I notice when someone is not laughing or is looking down etc and then I stop, NOT them they keep going.  It's honestly horrible.  </div>
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    edited December 2011
    Wow... You lasted longer than I would have. I don't even know what to say. We're all fat lazy slobs? Wow.

    There's no reason for them to critique a religion. It's not like you made it, it's not like they can change it. It's been there for hundreds, thousands of years and they're making it seem like it's your fault.

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Boo.
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    amy727amy727 member
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, it sucks that you constantly have to stick up for yourself. 
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    edited December 2011
    Wow that stinks, I am sorry. She should understand you are not from London and you are an immigrant! Some people don't understand how to hold their tongue, and British humor is very dry so you don't see she is 'joking'. Some people say its a joke after someone gets offended too.
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    LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    This is just awful. I don't know what else to say other than that.

    I think it's very reasonable for you to start speaking up when you're feeling offended, and if they don't drop it, excuse yourself from the situation (much easier said than done when you're visiting them). Not the best situation, but at least you'll feel like you're doing something proactive.

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    CaitC21CaitC21 member
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    edited December 2011
    This sucks.
    Plain and Simple.   I am sorry.
    I am having problem with FIL's (of all sorts) as well.
    Its rough and a whole ton of no fun.
    I believe venting about it makes me feel a ton better sometimes and just realize their stupidity.

    Best of luck.

    And hell, I say don't put knives at their table.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:1370af89-6cca-489b-9d01-1fb775029343Post:609f277b-7475-4297-851a-4bd3313f3331">Re: The fight</a>:
    [QUOTE] And hell, I say don't put knives at their table.
    Posted by CaitC21[/QUOTE]

    <div>HAHAHA.</div><div>That is so funny!  They wouldn't know what to do, I would laugh and laugh from my table.  </div>
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    LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_fight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:1370af89-6cca-489b-9d01-1fb775029343Post:609f277b-7475-4297-851a-4bd3313f3331">Re: The fight</a>:
    [QUOTE] And hell, I say don't put knives at their table.
    Posted by CaitC21[/QUOTE]

    BRILLIANT!
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
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    edited December 2011
    Ew!  I get so easily offended about religion because I'm Jewish and live in a town where there aren't many Jews.  Since I get offended I wouldn't even dream of saying anything bad about someone else's religion.  DH isn't Jewish and MIL wouldn't even think about saying anything bad.  She's actually fascinated by different cultures, etc.  I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself because I would probably just keep a smile on my face and complain to DH later.  I'm so not confrontational. 
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    edited December 2011
    Religion was only a small part of the problem sadly QT.  They just no effort to get to know me.  
    I just talked to my mom and told her the whole story.  They never ask about me or my family, or about the wedding or how things might be different they just tell me how things SHOULD be becuase that's the way she did it.  

    They don't see that I'm not English, I have a different sense of humor, things are not exactable to me, but to them I'm being unreasonable.  

    It going to bite them in the ass if they don't change.  

    Honestly who talks about religion and politics with someone who they really don't know all that well AND is from a different country?
    Also it's not a fact finding mission, tell me about your country, religion, ideas, it's WE ARE RIGHT.  
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, NCV.  I am so sorry you have to deal with all this, and by yourself too.  Does your FI understand how you feel?  Is he willing to start stepping in and telling his mother what the consequences might be if this keeps up?

    I also agree with LadyJ- if they are doing something wrong that is offensive, get up and excuse yourself, making sure to say why you are excusing yourself.  Hopefully they will get the point.

    Also- TOTALLY think the no knives should happen.  YES!  And you should videotape it all for us to see- because I would pay money to see that.
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    edited December 2011
    I finally just had a chance to read through this.  What a pain.  Good for you for standing up for yourself (and by default, all americans).  I hope they back off.  It would drive me insane too.
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