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Question about family that can't make it to DW or AHR

I really need to stop posting on the etiquette boards... they seem to eat us DW brides alive. Apparently everything about a DW is not good etiquette and they 'hate the idea' of an AHR at all.

Whatever. Moving on.

My grandmother lives in Vermont and I am very close to her. She is not physically well enough to travel to Hawaii for the wedding. Actually, a lot of the reason for us deciding on our DW being parents only was because I didn't want her to feel alienated that she wasn't coming but other grandparents/friends/etc. were. She's also not able bodied enough to make the drive or flight from VT to MD for our AHR. I have a few other family members in VT too who we would love to celebrate our marriage with, but aren't able to drive all the way down for our AHR, and we don't feel right expecting them to travel so far just for a dinner party anyway.

So my question is this: Is it okay for us to go up to Vermont either right before or right after the wedding and have a celebratory cookout/dinner with our family so they don't feel left out? Is anyone else doing something like this? I'm not talking about a formal thing at all, just going to visit and spend time with them at this special time in our lives.

Re: Question about family that can't make it to DW or AHR

  • We aren't doing this, but I don't see anything wrong with this!  Especially if those family members are expressing any emotions about not being part of the wedding day!  I know that there are past brides who have had two AHR because of where family lives!

    I say go for it!

  • I refuse to post ANYTHING on that board.  It doesn't matter what you ask, they rip you a new a-hole.

    I would DEF drive up there and spend time with them.  It's not a second AHR (which is totally fine and a lot of girls have done this for both sides of the family type thing so that one side doesn't have to travel and the other does), it's just spending time with them.  I totally would no questions asked.  It's just a visit and let them have a special time with you too.

  • haha, im so glad I haven't ventured over to that board, I'd be eaten alive i'm sure. I say definitely go for it, it's not like you're only going up there to get gifts, people want to be able to celebrate with the new couple. I think it'd be good to go after the wedding so you can show them photos. Heck, we wouldn't even being doing an AHR if it wasn't for all the friends/coworker who were bummed about our DW and wanted to have some way to celebrate with us.
  • breanessbreaness member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited April 2011
    UGH Thank you ladies for having some sense!

    I was eaten alive the other day when I asked about who to invite to a bridal shower. They said the problem isn't who to invite or who to host but rather the fact that I'd have one at all.

    My cousins & friends keep asking me if I'm going to have one. None of them are invited to the DW but they are invited to the AHR and they feel like I should have one. One of my friends offered to arrange the whole thing and asked me to just send her the list of who I'd want there. I'm not inviting everyone, just my closest friends & the family members who have expressed interest in going to a shower.

    But yep, got destroyed on that one.
  • I just had to go over there and browse and it gave me a good laugh, lol  I don't really venture from this board...every once and awhile I'll go to the NC board, but it's rare!
  • In Response to Re: Question about family that can't make it to DW or AHR:
    [QUOTE]UGH Thank you ladies for having some sense! I was eaten alive the other day when I asked about a bridal shower. My cousins & friends keep asking me if I'm going to have one. None of them are invited to the DW but they are invited to the AHR and they feel like I should have one. One of my friends offered to arrange the whole thing and asked me to just send her the list of who I'd want there. I'm not inviting everyone, just my closest friends & the family members who have expressed interest in going to a shower. But yep, got destroyed on that one.
    Posted by breaness[/QUOTE]

    Of course you would, I literally think they were "mean girls" from hs!  I definitely would.  There will be people invited to my shower were not invited to the DW but only to the AHR.  It's understanding with everyone that only close family and BM were invited to the DW.  Obviously those people asking don't care and they are supporting you no matter what.
  • In Response to Re: Question about family that can't make it to DW or AHR:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question about family that can't make it to DW or AHR : Of course you would, I literally think they were "mean girls" from hs!  I definitely would.  There will be people invited to my shower were not invited to the DW but only to the AHR.  It's understanding with everyone that only close family and BM were invited to the DW.  Obviously those people asking don't care and they are supporting you no matter what.
    Posted by sld0618[/QUOTE]
    Exactly! When my mom told my cousin I wasn't planning on having one she got all pouty and said Why not?!
  • The ettiquette board is a scary place. I feel like they are sitting there ready to pounce! I saw once that someone said having a DW is rude because a wedding is for guests and not the bride and groom, um what?
  • Rolling my eyes at the etiquette boards....

    I think that's a nice idea.  Its your wedding so I feel you can celebrate your wedding any way you want, as many times as you want with whoever you want.    Might find it weird if it was the same people being invited to every celebration but these are different people.
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  • I say do it! It's about celebrating with your family and you going up there to do it is a very nice gesture.
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2011
    Brea - if it helps at all, I'm having a DW next week.  It's private with just our parents and siblings in attendance. In June, we're having a huge cocktail party downtown in a major city and inviting all friends and extended family who weren't invited to the DW.

    My fiance and I know and understand how the etiquette girls feel about it (with the idea being that other people in our lives will feel similarly), but our extended family and friends want to party.  I've had one or two people express disappointment, but mostly people are excited for our AHR.

    Etiquette-wise, we're doing nothing wrong.  The board still hates the idea  Oh well.  I try to offer the other side over there when a girl asks this kind of question, but I didn't quite have the energy for a fight this morning :-)
  • In Response to Re: Question about family that can't make it to DW or AHR:
    [QUOTE]Brea - if it helps at all, I'm having a DW next week.  It's private with just our parents and siblings in attendance. In June, we're having a huge cocktail party downtown in a major city and inviting all friends and extended family who weren't invited to the DW. My fiance and I know and understand how the etiquette girls feel about it (with the idea being that other people in our lives will feel similarly), but our extended family and friends want to party.  I've had one or two people express disappointment, but mostly people are excited for our AHR. Etiquette-wise, we're doing nothing wrong.  The board still hates the idea  Oh well.  I try to offer the other side over there when a girl asks this kind of question, but I didn't quite have the energy for a fight this morning :-)
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
    Haha Joy, I saw you over there. I completely understand not being in the mood for a fight. That's seriously all you get over there. I was reading one thread over there today and someone was making fun of me and my other post in that thread... like I can't read posts other than my own... -rolls eyes-
    Oh well. I've got the girls here and on the Hawaii board to answer my questions and chat with, I don't need them ;)
  • Tell the Etiquette board to maybe have some social etiquette and not rip apart other people's decisions because they don't feel it's right....GIVE ME A BREAK.

    I could care less what a bunch of judgemental chicks think of MY decision to have a DW. Have fun being bored at your very proper etiquette wedding!
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