Need some advice kinda long

Meghangh

OK here goes.

My best friend who is one of bridesmaids found out she was pregnant last November, so she won't have much time or money to go to my December wedding.  Well, when she told me she was pregnant she said that her and her husband would still be able to make it to the wedding, so that was great.  We have a villa for her and everything, all she has to do is pay $350 pp to stay in it, and that is a deal we are giving her.  Well a few weeks ago she emailed me via facebook to tell me that she isn't sure if they can come now because her husband won't have a job when they move and so on and so on.  So, I told her I understood the circumstances and things happen and that having a destination wedding we can't expect everyone to put the money down on it.  But I did tell her that she needed to tell me if they were going or not with in a few months, because I needed to find someone else to put in the Villa.  

Well, I haven't heard from her in a month, and she hasn't returned my phone calls, emails, texts.  I need to know if they are coming or not.  It's almost like she is just ignoring me because she doesn't want to tell me that they can't come.  It is really getting on my nerves.  I don't know what to do. I can put my photographer in the Villa for way cheaper than getting her a hotel for the week.  But I need to know if she is going or not.  Also, I need to buy her dress, and get her jewelry made.  UGH!!!!!!!!!!!  

The thing is I wouldn't be mad if she wasn't able to make it, I understand the circumstances and why they can't make it.  It's just the fact that she won't respond to any of my messages that is making me upset.  And, I also can't know at the last minute if they are coming or not.  

Sorry, just had to let that out of my brain.  Very frustrated!!!

bethagregory

Wow, some best friend.  I would say sorry charlie, guess you aren't going, and probably not be much of a friend with her any more... but that is just me.  I don't tolerate disrespect very well.  Unless she is busy 24/7 she has time to text you back and say no, sorry, they can't come.

ms.n.0906

That is hard.  Does she know that is how you feel and that you really do understand why she would not be able to come?  In giving her the benefit of the doubt, she might be having a really hard time telling you that she cannot make it--she might really feel bad about it.  Maybe if you put it out there that you understand, it will make it easier for her to give you the bad news?

Other than that, I am sorry you're going through that!  My FI's sister (so, future SIL) cannot come to the wedding because of a new baby.  I really wish she could be there (it actually kind of makes me mad that FI's own sister won't be there), but I do understand.  I guess.

chosen175

It stinks, but being about 7 months pg, I'm sure she has a million things on her plate.  That doesn't excuse her dropping off the face of the earth for an entire month, though.

Are you in touch with her mom or any of her other friends/relatives that you might enlist to help you?  If not, I'd just email her and tell her AGAIN that you understand things are tight, she might not want to travel with an infant, and that you WON'T be upset if she can't come.  But tell her that the villa has a deadline of (insert your own date here) and if you don't hear from her by Monday, you'll just assume she's not going to be in your WP and that she won't be needing the villa.  I think sometimes people just assume they have all the time in the world and that they don't need to make a decision until a week or so before the wedding.  Give her a deadline and if you don't hear from her, put the photog in the villa and call it a day.

FutureMrs.McC

In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_need-advice-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:6d466547-d0a3-4c66-bd74-c67a8eb7ff82Post:148f0962-fe92-40bc-97df-be9d655fe14b">Re: Need some advice kinda long</a>:
[QUOTE]It stinks, but being about 7 months pg, I'm sure she has a million things on her plate.  That doesn't excuse her dropping off the face of the earth for an entire month, though. Are you in touch with her mom or any of her other friends/relatives that you might enlist to help you?  If not, I'd just email her and tell her AGAIN that you understand things are tight, she might not want to travel with an infant, and that you WON'T be upset if she can't come.  But tell her that the villa has a deadline of (insert your own date here) and if you don't hear from her by Monday, you'll just assume she's not going to be in your WP and that she won't be needing the villa.  I think sometimes people just assume they have all the time in the world and that they don't need to make a decision until a week or so before the wedding.  Give her a deadline and if you don't hear from her, put the photog in the villa and call it a day.
Posted by chosen175[/QUOTE]

I 100% agree with all of this.  One more question, have you tried to talk to her about her life and the baby?  I'm just thinking maybe she's upset with you because you haven't been concerned with her.  Sounds like she has a lot going on right now with a new baby, moving, and an unemployed husband.  Maybe you have been all about the wedding (understanably so) and not the best friend she needs right now.  Of course, I have no idea, just a thought. 

SandalGirl

i agree with all previous posts.  The chances of her coming seem slim to nil, and you don't want to make it any worse because you can't fill the villa.  Good luck!

mishy112

It sounds like PP's have covered it pretty well - such smart ladies on here. I agree with pp who said to give her a deadline and if you haven't heard from her by then, tell her you can no longer hold the villa for her and you will assume she's not coming. It sucks what you're going through with her and it sounds like you're being very understanding. Good luck!