No guests at our intimate wedding. How do you announce & can we still have a registry?

adukes

We are planning an intimate ceremony for the two of us at a chapel in Vegas.  We do not want to leave our family and friends out entirely so would like to send out something annoucing the wedding but we are not hosting a reception or party when we return.  The chapel broadcasts the wedding on their website and we would to send "invites" to our online wedding.  Or should we just announce our union after the wedding?  Also, is it inappropriate to have a registry and expect gifts if we are not inviting guests to our ceremony or hosting a reception?

MzelleRicaine

Hm, this is a really interesting and delicate question, adukes.

I definitely think it's possible send out a nice, tactful invitation that announces your wedding. The webcam viewing of the ceremony is a little bit different. I'm tempted to say yes (and I think there will be some friends and family who will want to watch) but honestly I think it's going to create a ruckus. I'll let my fellow dw ladies tell you what they think.

I am typically a non-traditional girl when it comes to things like registries, but this time I think it'd be a bit much to create a registry if there won't be any parties. While I think what the bride and groom ask for is entirely up to them, I do think that one of the social purposes of gifts is a way of thanks for being invited to participate in something. I think most people would be hurt (and likely insulted) if you were to essentially say "we're getting married alone, we're not having any parties or receptions, but here's a list of gifts you can give us!"  However, I think you can have some gift ideas in mind if anyone says "We'd like to give you a gift. What can we give you?"

I hope my response was neutral enough (I definitely don't want to attack you for your questions!) and I hope that helps!
*m*

Kashy

I agree with PP. 
I would not make a  regirstry if you are not inviting anyone to anything. If anyone wants to give a gift then have some things in mind of what you want, but I probably wouldnt register.  its a little weird to not invite anyone and then make a  regirstry for them to buy gifts.....

KristenCR

I like the idea of having your wedding online so that people can view and I would be all for an online 'invitation' but the catch is people who aren't internet savvy, I know if I sent something like that to my Grandma I would get an ear full about danged contraptions.  But if I were invited that way I think I would enjoy watching it online, so it really depends on your 'audience'.

As for the registries, I can understand the question about that, I'm having only immediate family to my wedding and when I was thinking about registering I wasn't planning on having any parties (my sister has decided I need a bridal shower, but I'm still on the fence about an AHR).  I did end up registering for 2 reasons, if someone wanted to give me a gift who wasn't invited (like close friends, or something like that, that just want to congratulate me) I decided it was better already have the registry out there, I just don't tell anyone I've registered unless they ask.  The 2nd reason is after the wedding I get 10% off the items on the list and dang it I want that Dyson vacuum, and I'll take that 10% off.

fsujen18

This is tough...
I do like the idea of having those view the wedding online and they can be a part of it that way.  As for the registry I agree with the PP's.  I think that if there is no reception and you're not invited to the wedding it's hard to expect gifts.  I'm sure that some family will buy gifts but I think it'd be hard to do the whole registry thing.

suzannepdc

I'm on the opposite side of PPs I think - I  think it can be appropriate to have a registry, but not expect anything from anyone.

My best friend eloped and the first thing I wanted to do was to buy her a present after she called to tell me she was married.  She and I talked and she felt *really* uncomfortable registering after the fact - but did because her friends and family were excited for her and wanted to get her and husband a wedding present.  She didn't tell anyone (other than me and probably her sister), so it was all word of mouth and I think that most people (under the age of 50) know how to find a registry online.

mishy112

I'm with Suzanne on this one. I definitely wouldn't expect anything, and I wouldn't make a huge registry either, but I think a small registry only if people ask would be ok.

I also would recommend sending out invites ahead of time for people to view the ceremony online. It's possible you may get a little flack for this (though I expect if they know you are getting married just the 2 of you in Vegas, you may already be getting this), but I think if people found out after the fact that they could have watched it, they may feel hurt & disappointed - I know I would! My cousin did this about 8 years ago, and I thought it was really cool. The quality wasn't the best (that could have been from any number of factors, plus it was 8 years ago), but I sat in my bed and got to watch her get married while I was in my pj's. It was great, haha!

Good luck, and welcome to the board!

carrieoz_76

First, no registry.  I think it's too much.  If people want to get you something, they'll probably ask you what you'd like, and you can tell them that way.

Second, as for the wedding, I wouldn't send an invitation, since you're not inviting them to join you.  Instead, send an announcement, send it a few weeks (like 2 or 3) beforehand, and on it, you can welcome them to view the wedding online at www.weddingonline.com (or whatever)

I don't have any issues what how you're getting married, but like with any big decision, there are consequences, and one consequence to how you're doing it is fewer gifts and that you're not inviting guests (in person ).  But I can only guess that you're doing it this way for more important reasons, so presumably you're ok with these consequences.

adukes

Lots of great feedback.  Very helpful.  We already have 2 children together and have been building our life together for a few years so it is almost inappropriate to ask anyone to spend money traveling to Vegas.  Plus this is our wedding/honeymoon and it is very affordable but still elegant.  I like the idea of the announcement a few weeks before.   I am confortable with creating a small registry and giving the info only if asked.  That seems most tactful.  Thanks for help!  Much appreciated.

captainleela

I don't think it's appropriate to create registries if you're not inviting anyone to anything.

kdoman83

I think you should definitely let people know via "invitation" to watch the wedding online. I think many people would be very intested in watching it, even if they cant be there.

Also as some have said, I think there is no harm in registering, but on a small scale, only letting people know if they ask. I'm the type of person that never really can come up with what kind of present I want, and people putting me on the spot asking what I want, I'd never know how to answer, so having a registry to send them to seems like a great way to save the headache, and give those that dont care about the ettiquette, of "not attending the wedding" but still would like to get you a gift a chance to purchase you something...

Theresa626

I would love to have an invite to your online wedding and an announcement. However, I don't think you should do a registry if you are not inviting anyone.  If people want to send you a gift they will but it would be strange to have a registry.  You could tell your mom some ideas of things you guys might need if someone asks her.