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More Drama- Symbolic wedding NOT a wedding

I just got off the phone with my mom. She is "devastated" that she "isn't going to get to see her daughter get married" because apparently everyone thinks that it has to be legal to be a marriage.  I told here that to us, we are getting married in Mx when we say our vows. She says "but it isn't a wedding"

It's all a big joke.

Honest to God, I never thought this was going to be such a big deal. Apparently the family that knows it's not legal are all upset but noone will say so to us.

The decision to have a symbolic ceremony was much like the decision of roses or lilies to us. Just an option.

Guys, I know most of you all think like I do, but is it just cause we are DW brides? Among the other people out there, is a symbolic wedding crazy and a sham?

Oh there's more...Then she says that everyone is terrified to go to Mexico.

You guys, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

'Ritas to those that made it through and Patron shots to those that can offer some advice.

Re: More Drama- Symbolic wedding NOT a wedding

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    edited November 2010

    We haven't told too many people that we're getting legally "married" ahead of time, however those that we've told have been supportive. FI's Dad and Step-Mom thought it was a smart idea and my parent's think it's totally fine. We just explained that saying our vows is far more important than signing a piece of paper. To me, when I say my vows while looking into FI's eyes and putting a ring on his finger THAT is my wedding. Not going into the courthouse and signing a piece of paper. Maybe if you phrase it that way to your mother (sounds like nothing will work at this point but it's worth a try) Ask her in her opinion what is a "real" wedding? Hopefully she will say making a commitment to your future husband in the eyes of your loved ones, which is exactly what you're doing in Mexico.

    As for the safety, we both know that Mexico is just as safe/dangerous as any major city. It all depends on how smart you are while you're there. I wouldn't go walking around the streets of Toronto at night by myself and I wouldn't do that in Mexico. When FI and I went to the Mayan Riviera in Sept we felt completely safe when we went off the resort to Playa Del Carmen. Everyone was extremely friendly and helpful and I felt just as safe as I do in my home city. Hopefully your friends & family will feel the same way when they're there. Just remind them that as long as they are smart and don't go off the resort alone or at night they will be fine!

    Good luck hun. I know dealing with family drama is no fun, especially this close to your wedding *hugs*

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    First off, Big Hugs!

    Secondly...I'm interested to see what others say.  We are planning to do what we're doing (blood tests in MX scare me..).  When his mom asked me about it I told her the plan and she's like well we want to be there at the courthouse to see you get married...and I don't really want ANYONE there, but us because I don't want anyone considering that our wedding/marriage.

    Maybe if you invite her to the courthouse, she'll feel a little better????  I'm sorry you're dealing with this...
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    We did a "symbolic" wedding in DR and got "legally" married here at a courthouse. We didn't say any vows or exchange rings.  Just answered some stupid questions and signed a piece of paper.  We hold the day we got married in PuntaCana as our wedding day, our anniversary and the day we pledged our love for each other in front of our family and friends.  Most of the people that knew about the legality thing didn't care, but there were the people that feel signing a piece of paper is much more important than exchanging vows in front of everyone you love... which is sad.
    How about all the people that have "real" weddings that get divorced a  year after they were married... how did their "real" wedding make a difference.
    Ugh, I am so upset you have to be dealing with this, especially from your own mother. 

    And Mexico isn't any more dangerous than New York. 

    Hugs and I hope all your debbie downers get over themselves soon.  The way I saw it was the people that really loved us and wanted to be a part of our special day wouldn't care either way whether we were "legally" married in the states or not.  Good luck with your mom!!!
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    I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  I have varying opinions on this topic.  Because you guys are getting married in MX and it's a huge PITA down there, I understand running to the courthouse first.  It's just a legality more then anything.  I assume you guys will do this a week or two before the wedding? 

    If your mom is really that upset is there anyway she could come to the courthouse?  If not, would you guys be willing to have the MX ceremony first and then go to the courthouse when you get back?  Would that make your mom happier?

    As for the MX thing, there are some cities in the states not safer then MX.  Hopefully everyone will have a great time and come back with a different opinion.
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    *tinkertoy**tinkertoy* member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    I agree with what you all said. Signing paper means nothing to us. Exchanging vows, placing rings, that is my wedding.

    I tried explaining this to my mother, to no avail. I asked her what a wedding was to her and she said when you get married. I pressed and she said, when you say vows. I told her that we will not be saying vows until Mexico. Then she said I've never been to a wedding where it was not legal. I asked how she knew that.

    UUGH!

    As far as safety, considering all the news (and yes I know, blown out of proportion, big cities have crime, blah blah) I probably would not have picked Mx if I had it to do again.

    I also would have NEVER told anyone that there was a symbolic ceremony.

    I emailed the WC and she said we could do legal, there was still time, BUT I think our witnesses have to be there a day earlier. 

    UUGH, on one hand I'm so hurt, she's said some really unkind things re: FI and then now this. On the other hand I'm furious!

    Cry

    ETA: When she expressed concern about this a couple months ago (not this strong mind you) I told them we were going to the courthouse to sign papers first. My family had a chitfit about not being there. I tried to express we didn't need witnesses and we equate it to getting a marriage license. Still I invited them to come and we'd go out to dinner afterwards. Gurmble Grumble
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    To me, the wedding is what will happen in MX, the vows, the actual symbolism IS the wedding. Signing a paper in front of a judge is just that, Paperwork.

    Do they realize there is no pomp & circumstance with the paperwork? Hugs to you my dear. I don't know how to make people who don't want to understand, understand this.

    Keep in mind that even if it is just you and your beloved who make it to MX it will be okay.In fact it might be a blessing in disguise....
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    Thanks for listening everyone.
    It will be ok but somewhere along the line, our families forgot this was OUR wedding.

    *sigh*
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    Honestly, I think all the Mexico brides (or any bride who takes care of the legal stuff here) just shouldn't tell anyone about it.  Why?  Because it's none of their business!  I mean, I got married in the States and I didn't get people on my ass about where and when I signed the marriage certificate.  It shouldn't be any different for you either. 

    From now on I think the word "symbolic" should be stricken from DW brides vocab.  If anyone asks, just say "We're getting married at our wedding in Mexico."  As far as anyone should be concerned, it's the TRUTH.  

    Tinkertoy - I'm sorry your mom is giving you so much crap about it.  If it were me and my mom insisted that on watching me sign a piece of paper, I would do my best to make it just that.  No vows, no ceremonial kiss b/w husband and wife (maybe later in private Wink), and no celebratory meal afterwards.  If she asks or offers, just politely say, "No thanks, that's what the WEDDING in Mexico is for."  End of story.  

    Good luck to you!

     
    Anniversary
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    In Response to <a href="http://destination.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_drama-symbolic-wedding-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:f34d672b-344d-4a65-b14d-dc127a32ab6dPost:c3fab167-5878-402f-8b85-b4b46dfa4866">Re: More Drama- Symbolic wedding NOT a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I think all the Mexico brides (or any bride who takes care of the legal stuff here) just shouldn't tell anyone about it.  Why?  Because it's none of their business!  I mean, I got married in the States and I didn't get people on my ass about where and when I signed the marriage certificate.  It shouldn't be any different for you either.  From now on I think the word "symbolic" should be stricken from DW brides vocab.  If anyone asks, just say "We're getting married at our wedding in Mexico."  As far as anyone should be concerned, it's the TRUTH.   Tinkertoy - I'm sorry your mom is giving you so much crap about it.  If it were me and my mom insisted that on watching me sign a piece of paper, I would do my best to make it just that.  No vows, no ceremonial kiss b/w husband and wife (maybe later in private  ), and no celebratory meal afterwards.  If she asks or offers, just politely say, "No thanks, that's what the WEDDING in Mexico is for."  End of story.   Good luck to you!  
    Posted by Kahtie41[/QUOTE]

    THIS completely!!!!!  Your family (and everone else that acts this way towards any of us ladies) need to get a grip on reality!!!  Why does it matter where you sign a piece of paper??  The most important part is the ceremony where you & FI pledge to love one another and exchange those vows in front of everyone...  Ridiculous!!! 
    Sorry you're having to deal with this - and I have to say it makes me VERY thankful that we don't have to deal with this (since we're marrying in Hawaii - part of the US, no blood test, etc.).  I hope you are able to either convince her once & for all that it doesn't matter or you're able to overlook it.  No bride's family - especially her mother - should make her feel like crap for the choices she makes when planning her wedding.  It's YOUR day and if you & FI are happy, who the heck else matters??
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    I am so so so sorry your family is acting this way! Obviously we all understand that paperwork is just that--paperwork. And the wedding in Mexico is the REAL wedding. I really don't know how to get your mom to see that though.

    Honestly, I think they won't really "get" it until they are there in Mexico and watching you say your vows. Oh, and they will be nice and safe while doing so, too!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    Totally agree with what everyone has said. There have been some people that have asked us about it, and I've told them we're just looking at it as doing the paperwork before we go down to our wedding.
    Also, FI's family and family friends have raised concern about going to Mexico as well. Some seem to be scouring the news for any tidbit of information just to have something to bitch about it, it seems. Hello! I live in St Louis, the most dangerous (or #2, depending on the year)/crime infested city in the US! There are murders here basically every day (last year it was more--426 in a year, and more than 10 capital crimes for every 1 in New York) and I'm still walking around living with no crimes committed against me (knock on wood). I don't venture into the areas where crime is high even when FI is with me--and he's pretty intimidating looking--6'7 and 300 pounds (well he's now a little under since he's been losing weight, but still). It's so annoying they have to bring up the crime in Mexico every chance they get. They don't seem that concerned about where we live and come to visit us every once in a while with absolutely no qualms about it.

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    Sigh...the things us DW brides go through.  We are going through the same thing, mostly with FI's side of the family.  To compromise, we are having just immediate family (whoever wants to come) to the legal ceremony, which will be held in the FIL's living room in a couple weeks.  FMIL will be make us a nice dinner after.  I have told her repeatedly that to us, our wedding is in Mexico, when I walk down the aisle, FI sees me in my dress for the first time, exchanging rings and vows.  She doesn't understand, but who am I to try and convince her, she'll think what she thinks.  FI and I know in our hearts that our real wedding is in Mexico.
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    regarding the safety of Mexico - I do work in mexico city from time to time and the locals tell me this - as long as you aren't trying to buy drugs (or sell them) or get a prostitiute you SHOULD be ok!  ;) 

    (assuming you follow other common sense logic you would use in any other city)




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    I agree with Kahtie41

    In your situation, I would want to tell everyone who says the wedding in MX is not a real wedding, that instead of watching you exchange vows in MX then they can join your for your "real" wedding at city hall and watch you each sign your name on a piece of paper and then go home.  Because that's all that's going to happen.

    I'm sorry you are going through this.  You may need to be patient with your mom.  I think some people are just set in their ways and don't like the idea of something non-traditional.  Ask your mom if she had to choose which wedding she went to (signing papers or exchanging vows) which would it be.  Would she rather miss out on you signing a piece of paper, or miss out on you and FI exchanging vows, exchanging rings, toasting each other at dinner, your first dance together, father daughter dance, garter/bouquet toss etc.   I guess you just have to find a way to explain it to her to make her see the importance of the ceremony itself rather than the legality of it.

    Good luck. Let us know if you can convince her to change her mind
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    Sorry that people suck! HA! I am no help with the symbolic wedding issue because we wed in Jamaica where it was legal the day of our wedding (but that was our personal choice and I think "to each their own").

    But I can tell you that I just got back from MX and I was so dang fed up with everyone and their stupid paranoia! Like "don't ride jet skis because pirates are kidnapping people" or "don't leave your resort, you'll get your head cut off".  SHUT UP PEOPLE! We did ride jet skis and I saw no "pirates" and all of us came back with our heads in tact! We ran around town, but we weren't stupid about it. And I felt safer there than walking around downtown Indy.

    People just need to get over it all! They need to RELAX and actually read the stories that hear about in Mexico in their entirety! 

    And that is my 2 cents. ;)
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    We haven't told anyone about the symbolic wedding since I told my dad and he asked when we would celebrate our anniversary and kept asking when the real wedding would be.  As far as the guests and safety stuff....let's just leave it at my FMIL is refusing to leave the resort for the whole week (no exceptions).   We told her we were thinking of going into Playa for some drinking and dancing after dinner at the resort and she nearly had a heart attack.  Oh well I just don't care anymore...but I thought I'd let your know that you're  not alone.
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    Thanks ladies.

    Suzanne, I'm not so sure about lying. I think at this point they would badger me to death about it anyway.

    So you DID have to recite vows? Noone at our courthouse can seem to tell me what is required. I have been told vows, have to have a minister, and just sign a piece of paper from three different people at the courthouse.

    It's exhausting.
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    Oh I went through this too... seriously there was no way we could have coordinated anyone but ourselves attending our courthouse wedding.  We will ALWAYS count our anniversary/wedding date as Nov. 6, the day we exchange rings on the beach. 

    Oh families.
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    Agree with Kahtie 100%!!! Just don't tell anyone since all the close-minded people of the world can't get a clue!!! xoxo
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