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Have you talked about debt with FI?

I just read a really interesting article about pre-marriage debt breaking up couples.  

When or have you/ disclosed all of your debt to each other?

Holy cow some of the numbers in the article are shocking esp when you look at their majors!    

Re: Have you talked about debt with FI?

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    benmel31benmel31 member
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    edited December 2011
    We've been talking about this for a long time.  I cannot even remember when we first starting sharing finances.  A few months before our wedding, we sat down and really looked at both of our financial situations.  (Keep in mind we were engaged less than 6 months when we got married).  But we are really aware of finances and the economy and talk seriously about saving money before buying a home, starting a family, making big purchases, etc.


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    edited December 2011
    I think kagkiki sent me that same artcle, NCV.

    DH went to college with me, so we knew all about each others' student loans well ahead of time (as we were accumulating them, heh).  We really have no other debt...well, except for the giant mortagage on the house we just bought ;) Neither of us has too much student loan debt - I landed a full-tuition scholarship and only paid for my room and board for four years.  DH had room and board taken care of (he was an RA) and his parents took on two years of loans.  Put it all together and we are actually about even in terms of how much we owe.  We have always separately paid back our loans every month.  I can see where sticker shock might be a deterrent for some couples, though....one of many legit reasons for a pre-nup...
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    edited December 2011
    Yep, that is so important. We've been together for almost 8 yrs. Own a property together and the home we live in. 1 daughter too. talking about finances openly and being upfront is so important. Not to mention, knowing that you're both heading in the same direction is crucial to know now, rather than later.
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    edited December 2011
    We didn't talk about details for a bit.  We both had consumer debt and didn't share numbers.  We managed to pay off all of our consumer debt this year.  

    We both have student loans and FI has a mortgage, but he rents out the house which pays for itself.  

    Like the girl in the article I owe way more then FI in student loans and the repayment is much better here.  His are taken out of his paycheck like a tax, so he is does not earn over 15K a year he doesn't pay, if you stay home with your kids you don't pay etc. Your spouse's income does not matter for your loan repayment, it's out of YOUR pay check. 

    Do you think it's fair to break up with someone because of debt?  
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_talked-debt-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:27ca3c8a-b646-44be-9cc1-d5056a30ab5ePost:d51daa04-62d9-48b1-a4f9-1cfdef89494b">Re: Have you talked about debt with FI?</a>:
    [QUOTE] Do you think it's fair to break up with someone because of debt?  
    Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]

    No, I don't, but at the same time, you need to make sure you are on the same page with the way you view finances and money.  If someone has crazy consumer debt and doesn't care, doesn't stop spending and isn't financially responsible, then I would not want to be in a relationship with them.
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think JEGs and I had the serious sit-down in December. 

    I'm in waaaayyyy further then he is because I got a bachelor's degree at an over-priced university.  He has an associates that he paid for in cash.  ALSO, when I was right out of college, no one told me it wasn't a good idea to pay your bills with your credit card, so there is that as well.

    When I laid it all out there, I think he was a little intimidated, but I reminded him; this is MY debt, not yours.  This is MY responsiblity, and it will never get in the way of OUR bills.

    He has offered to help my pay it off, but I won't let him.  Only 7 more years ;)
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    edited December 2011

    I am in way more student loan debt then FI. His parents paid for his undergrad and his masters was partially reimbursed because he was teaching going for master in edu. He knows that I struggle at the end of the month when you know my bank account gets emptied to pay the loans, like JEGs he offers to help me out but it was my decision not to go to CCP until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life, so it is my responsibility to pay it back.

    I actually almost had a panic attack today because one of my payments went up $50 bucks a month.

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    edited December 2011
    We talked about it. He has cc debt, while I had student loans. But we applied for a mortgage and bought our condo right before our wedding so we knew all the numbers. Fortunately since I am in grad school, I don't have to worry about paying my loans off right now. We figured out if we pay off his car, which he had to buy a new one after the wedding, then once that is paid off it will be time to pay off my loans, hopefully around the same amount. We try to keep our budget similar to what it was when we were planning the wedding to pay off the car loan and then student loans. We paid out of pocket for most of his schooling. Since we were engaged when he started culinary school it was both our funds that pooled together to pay it because we didn't want any more loans. We are working together and paying off everything.
    I don't know if this is right or wrong, but it's what worked for us.

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    edited December 2011
    We have been talking about that sort of stuff/finances in general since a couple years into our relationship.  So it wasnt a "okay now that we're engaged lets discuss this" sort of thing.  We know each others situations well before that point.  We actually don't seperate anything, so theres no "these are my student loans I'll pay them with my checking account" sort of thing.. one checking account, one savings account, both paychecks into said accounts.. and all bills come out of there.  Doesn't matter whats being paid by who's paycheck, it's both of ours now.
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    edited December 2011
    FI and I have been talking about our finances since we first started dating. Luckily we don't have very much of it... or didn't until we bought our house. I think it is extremely important to talk about it and know what you are getting into. As Cara said, I don't think I'd be interested in staying with someone who was financially irresponsible. We will also be moving towards a situtation like Ooodsie, combining our checking and savings accounts, so we won't have to worry after that.
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    laurak43laurak43 member
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    edited December 2011
    Fi has been paying off debt and I didn't have any until I bought the house.  He started his own business this year so we are both very well aware of what bills we have and what money we don't.  It will be a struggle at times but I told him it will be worth it the sooner he makes his millions so I can quit my job and work with him.
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    edited December 2011
    I started grad school when we were together for just a few months, so he knew the kind of debt I was going to be into. Right now, he has nothing except for our mortgage and since I'm still in grad school  I'm not paying anything yet toward my loans. Like the girl in the article, I will also have a good 6 figures worth of debt to pay off, and while I wish I considered that more when choosing my grad school I think it'll be worth it to have a career that I really love. Right now we're living off of only his salary (we live quite modestly) so neither of us are too worried about when I have to pay my loans because at least then I'll be making money too. 



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    edited December 2011

    We have definitely talked about it and we are on the same page about working our a$$es off to pay off my student loans.  He has zero debt, so once we pay off my loans (which are a lot - ugh) we are good to go.  I agree with Cara - I don't think you should call it off because that is unfortunate, but you totally have to figure this stuff out before you are married or you are in bigggggggggg trouble.

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