Ladies - Let me start by saying thanks for listening. I don't post very often and it seems like every third post I've written has been a vent of some sort. Right now I'm at my wits end though. My mom is making my life miserable, and I literally do not know what to do.
Background: My mom has all kinds of issues - mental - that she simply doesn't see/believe. In her opinion, she is always right about everything, and refuses to see anyone else's perspective. She's very unhappy, and seems to get satisfaction by making others around her unhappy. She has no problem telling me (or anyone else) that what I'm doing is wrong, boring, or stupid. As you can imagine, planning a wedding has become quite stressful.
My current problem: Mom mentions repeatedly how she wants to be involved. My parents aren't paying, but I do try to keep them in the loop, ask their advice where it's appropriate, etc. Last weekend, FI and I went to visit my parents for the day and we had a lovely time. Mom and I looked for dresses for her, got some stuff for a DIY decoration project, and had a good dinner. I mentioned that we found a photo of a cake we want to use as "inspiration", and that I'd send a link to her. I did that, and all hell has since broken loose.
She emailed back, starting with "Don't get mad at me, but this is really boring and the cake looks unfinished." (If you have to start a note with "don't get mad at me," maybe you should rethink what you're about to say!) Apparently, she didn't read the email which said, "we're going to add a few orange flowers, a cake topper, and display it on a table with a navy blue cloth and candles." That' not "unfinished" to me! She then launched into a long rant about how I've become boring and I've lost my personality and I'm just like my FI.
Of course, this totally hurt my feelings, and I tried to talk to her about it. She didn't answer. But I got another email that was three times as long about how I've turned down every suggestion she's made (which I haven't. I can only think of one thing, which had to do with flower color, that I didn't want to do only bc it seemed to springy, v. fall. I liked the idea otherwise!), how I'm shocking her with the choices I've made related to the wedding bc I've always had good taste, but I'm becoming boring, which is fine for FI, because he's a guy, but they don't know how to plan nice events, and how she just wants "her daughter back."
I was fuming. I haven't replied to that email, or even spoken to her. I can't right now, because I'm so upset, and I know it'll only turn into a bigger mess.
Meanwhile, my little sister (MOH) is planning the shower with my best friend (BM). She offered her home, and Mom was happy. My older (half) sister, who has a great connection to a restaurant in our city offered to set up a shower there. Either way, it will be wonderful and I'm grateful for everyone's generosity. Mom was not happy with the restaurant. She was so livid, that she told the older sister she cannot be involved at all, and yelled at my dad that he needs to tell my older sister the restaurant is not an option because it's not what she wants. I don't even know why. It's awful.
I feel like she is mad because the wedding isn't what SHE wants for her own wedding. Our visions are different. When she says she wants her daughter back, it feels like she wants me to still be her 5 year old kid. We'll that boat passed 24 years ago. I'll always be her daughter, but I'm a GROWN WOMAN! With a life of her own!
It's hard. I have given her so many chances. My FI has dealt with so much in supporting me through this. He says that I should only talk to mom about logistics - we need you to do this at this time type of thing. That kills me though, because I really do want mom to be a part of this special day, but when she causes this much drama, I can't handle it. I don't even know what to do right now. But I want to cry!
(And to make matters worse, this won't end after the wedding. Next it'll be about how we buy the wrong house, or we're saving too much money - seriously. She's yelled at me for being financially responsible. Or, how we're raising our future kids all wrong. I have to stop before I give myself a migraine.)
Thanks for letting me vent.