I'm not sure what to do about inviting my uncle and his crazy wife. If "walls of text" annoy you, you might want to skip this one. [CN at the end]
My aunt is undiagnosed, but definitely has a personality disorder (probably narcissistic personality disorder.) She has been manipulative, lied, spread horrible rumors and just been generally a mean biitch to her daughter-in-law, and before that my mom (her husband's little sister.) My uncle is a classic enabler who seems to have given up all control.
Though she has always been this way, there has not been a problem including them in family events: she attended my brother's wedding in 2007, my sister's wedding last September, and many other family events. Sometimes she does something obnoxious (she complained to other guests that my sister didn't invite them to the tiny, WP-only rehearsal dinner), but we've never not invited them to stuff because of it.
This year, my cousin and his wife have put their foot down. She has done some HORRIBLE things to them, including spread horrible rumors in their hometown. They've decided to TOTALLY cut off contact with his parents until she seeks psychiatric help.
I am 100% on their side, and I want her to seek help as well. I called them when I heard about this, and gave my support, and asked if they would still come to my wedding if his parents were invited. They said yes, and that they would just avoid them if they could.
I am about to send my save-the-dates, so they no one has received one yet. However, when my sister got married in September, they emailed both of us and offered to buy both of our toasting glasses and to pick out a pattern (I was engaged already). I picked one, but I never heard anything else, so I'm not sure if they actually purchased a gift yet.
My mom just emailed me asking if I would consider not inviting them to the wedding. (My FI and I are paying for the bulk of the wedding, my parents paid for the venue fee as a wedding gift.) I know she is angry about how my aunt treated her for years, and also that she is now treating my cousin and his wife so badly. My cousin and his wife have cut off contact until she gets psychiatric help, which is unlikely, so the wedding will be the first time they see them in almost 10 months. They will have a new baby by that point, and his parents will not have met the baby yet.
I'm concerned that if we don't invite them, we will be causing more drama, and that my aunt will literally never let this go. I hoped that we could invite them and just avoid a conflict. This is the second time my mom has asked, and I just don't feel totally comfortable doing it.
What would you do? Not invite them to the wedding? Invite them and try to insulate my cousin and his wife?
CN: My crazy aunt is causing problems, and her son and wife have cut contact. My wedding in October may be the first time they all see each other, and my mother (who hates my aunt) thinks the aunt will cause a scene. She's asked me to cut her from the list (no STDs sent yet). I'm concerned that it will escalate the drama (and you can't take something like that back). What would you do?