Might have to strangle FI-- Wedding budget issues

KmuJmg

So...I love my FI dearly. He is a wonderful man and I am a lucky woman to have him.

With that said, I might kill him before this wedding rolls around. He doesn't seem to understand (no matter how clearly I put it) that we have to SAVE for this wedding. It is not going to pay for itself!!!

I have a very detailed and specific wedding budget. That wedding budget dictates how much money MUST go into wedding savings every month so none of this wedding has to go on a credit card. FI and I have a joint account for bills and we each have an individual account with our disposible income. When we first had the "wedding budget talk" we agreed that we would each transfer a certain dollar amount into the wedding account from our individual accounts every month. That was 6 months ago and FI has YET to hit his target number. It's not that he can't, it's that he doesn't try. He can buy a new suit, he can go to happy hour after work, he can take a trip to New York with his friends, but he CANNOT save what we MUST save in order to have enough money to pull this wedding off.  AND...everytime I see him so much as buy a $3 cup of coffee, I get mad!

I have tried everything. I made each of us a cute little savings thermometer with our savings goal at the top. Every time we transfer money to the wedding account we can color the thermometer in with a red marker. I hung them on the fridge side-by-side so he would see how much more I am saving than him. FAIL!

I sat him down and went over the budget and actually SHOWED him why I'm worried about the wedding budget. FAIL!

I am putting 3-4 times more money in the account than he is and I am starting to get a tab bit resentful. I told him that and his response is "well you make more money than me." Seriously, I make $200 more than him every month and because of that I contribute more to the bills than he does. He just doesn't get it. I could scream.

FI is very blessed to come from a wealthy family. I grew up very poor. I really think that he just plans to call up his parents if we fall short. I would rather sell my kidney on the black market than do that! They have already given us a TON of money. There is no reason we can't do the rest of this ourselves. It's about discipline. And FI seems to be lacking a little.

Anyone having similar issues? I'm going to pull my hair out! I've thought about telling FI that we have to cut some of the "wedding extras" because we're not going to be able to afford it. Or...cancel the honeymoon. Or something drastic to get his attention. What do you think?

mana8503

I'm going to ditto Trawas, I think he needs to automatically put the money into account without it going into his first... if my FI has 1 dimes to rub together they are GONE.  He had mgt automatically go into my account so he didn't see it, and therefore couldn't spend it. 

Now we have a joint account and planning giving him a cash weekly allowance to curb his spending... i'll let you know how it goes.

KmuJmg

I don't know if I'm "glad" that you guys understand, because it sucks. But...I'm glad that I'm not alone in this. One of the comments related to the type of wedding we envision and that maybe that's not his vision. The truth is, this is a second marraige for me and I wanted to elope. Him and his parents insisted on a big, beautiful wedding. So...I think that makes me even more resentful.

We will get though this. He is just not a saver. I'll look on the bright side and think of this as a learning experience. I know what to expect and we can work on it when it comes time for a house or babies.

AND...FI really wants a photobooth, so I'm gonna put that on the chopping block and see how he responds.

JennluvsPaul

you don't have to strangle him, but maybe a foam baseball bat over the head will do

DeannaCW

The fact that you're feeling resentful means it's time for a serious talk. Not just about the money, but how it's making you feel, especially considering that it's his side's vision for the big wedding! Resentment is one of the fastest killers of any relationship.  I'd probably end up saying I'm resenting him and the wedding and ready to call the whole thing off, but then again I kinda can't get ahold of myself when I feel like I'm not being listened to :P