Pennsylvania-Philadelphia
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So Mad!! Opinions Please!

I already posted this at the end of the confessions post but I'm getting more mad as this situation escalates and need some third-party opinions.  FI has one groomsman that's been his friend since grade school but he doesn't really keep in touch.  Honestly, since he's lived with me in LA for the past 2 years I don't think they've ever talked on the phone and he hasn't even met up with him whenever FI's returned home to visit.  I was hesistant that FI asked him to be a groomsman b/c I didn't feel he was his true friend but, of course, it's his choice.

This guy couldn't make it anymore obvious that he doesn't take the wedding seriously.  He never returns FI's phone calls, but will respond when he's emailed on Facebook.  And speaking of Facebook, the d-bag RSVP'd through Facebook as well.

So he emails FI tonight and says he can't get off for the rehearsal but then goes on about how they'll have to plan something for the bachelor party, etc.  FI emails him back and says he pretty-much has to be there for the rehearsal.  This dude emails back again, now saying he's out for any bachelor party b/c he doesn't have any time off work and he doesn't know what he's going to do about the rehearsal b/c he can't get off work.  So basically he's still telling FI he's not coming.

So now what do we do?  I want to tell FI to kick him out of the wedding party.  But then the logical side of me knows that this guy really isn't going to miss much other than knowing where to stand, etc. at the rehearsal.  He has no key role in it.  And if one of my bridesmaids or other family members couldn't fly into town in time I'd probably be more understanding.  But b/c it's THIS guy - who hasn't done crap for FI it's just pushed me over the edge.

Oh and did I mention I've never met this guy before?  I really don't want to have to say "hey nice to meet you" AFTER walking down the aisle before hopping in a limo all together.
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Wedding Countdown Ticker
183 image 128 image 55 image 0 image RSVP Date: June 4, 2010

Re: So Mad!! Opinions Please!

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    edited December 2011
    Honestly you can make do without the rehersal, however I totally get what you are saying.  

    Is FI upset at all?  If he isn't I think you need to just go along and don't let it bother you.  Have your BM keep you calm and focued on your wedding and not this d-bag.  

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    Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm going through a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids but I'm just letting it go.  I feel like it's not worth ruining a friendship nor making the rest of my life more difficult.  At this point, I don't care if this person shows up for the wedding or not...either way, it really won't affect anything except for order.  haha, point is....just let it roll.  The sad part about your situation is that your FI seems to really consider this guy a good friend.  Just be there for FI in case he starts realizing what kind of friend this dude really is.  I hope things work out and things get easier once you move pack to PA.  Maybe when you and FI are back, it'll be easier to get in touch with his friend and you'll get to meet him and judge for yourself.  GL
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally get where you are coming from.  I take it this guy is single..??

    This guy is a total d-bag, but  I think you have bigger things to worry about.  Just smile on the wedding day, and then the next day you can tell him what an azz nugget he is.
    Mrs. JEGs
    est 7.17.10
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/2md4eb4.jpg[/IMG]
    Hunter Fillmore
    October 1, 2011

    Lizzie In Progress
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    edited December 2011
    DH has a friend like this - similar crappy attitude towards flying in for our wedding and it being an inconvenience to him.   At first I got upset, then I decided to let it slide.. Not worth being upset about this guy on my wedding day.  He showed up for the wedding, that was all that mattered.  (This was the guy who convinced DH to let him 'crash' at our house the WEEK before the wedding cause if he was gonna come out, he had no money for a hotel room.. I freaked, and we wound up buying him a hotel room just to get him out of the house).
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    CA2PABride2BeCA2PABride2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the reasoning.  You all are totally right.  I'm just going to let it slide and not even worry about him.  One of FI's other groomsman already said he would make sure the D-bag (his new nickname) knew everything for the wedding day.

    Of course it doesn't help that another one of my bridesmaids just texted me saying she tried on her dress and hates it.  That's now 3 out of 5 that told me they hate it after I gave them the option of choosing the dress I liked or not.  So now I just went off on her. 

    Ugh.  I almost made it to the wedding day without saying "I understand why people elope."  Almost.
    Photobucket
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    183 image 128 image 55 image 0 image RSVP Date: June 4, 2010
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're bridesmaid told you she hates the dress???  Who does that?

    Do I need to refresh everyone memory about the dress I was put it??




    I NEVER once told her I didn't like it.   

    Tell your bridesmaid tough nuggies.You're the bride.  You picked it.  She's gonna wear it.   When she gets married, she can put you in whatever she wants.
    Mrs. JEGs
    est 7.17.10
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/2md4eb4.jpg[/IMG]
    Hunter Fillmore
    October 1, 2011

    Lizzie In Progress
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    CA2PABride2BeCA2PABride2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha I may use your picture and tell all the girls "if you say one more thing about the dress I'm putting you all in this"
    Photobucket
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    183 image 128 image 55 image 0 image RSVP Date: June 4, 2010
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    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry to hear that two very important people in your wedding are treating you like that!!! You just never know how people are going to be until you need them to do things in a non-selfish manner. Thats when people show their true colors. I think thats so pathetic she told you she didn't like the dress. What did you say to her?? I think i would be so speechless! She'd wearing it anyway so just put a smile on your face and do it! Disregard her rudeness!! 

    About the guy- I think sometimes that men don't understand the importance of wedding related things. Is he married? If so he has noooo excuse. If not maybe he just needs to be told in a nice way what exactly is expected of him and move on from that. Don't let it put a damper on your day. I am sure with the assistance of the other groomsman he will be able to get things done properly and if he does not then people probably won't notice.  You will but again, don't let his immaturity put a damper on your day. I hope that they don't let you down but make sure not to put them in charge of anything important, this way you can decrease the amount they could disappoint. Goodl uck!
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