Terrible 'Couples Conference'

Simply_Caitlin

We're getting married in a Catholic church so we had to do the "couples conference" and we did it yesterday.  I'm still mad about what went on there.
Let me start by saying I was raised Catholic, but basically left the church for various reasons years ago.  Recently began going back as my fiance wanted to get married in the church and I was asked to be my niece's Godmother.  I still have issues with the church in general, but have found a very accepting church that I actually feel quite comfortable at.

That being said this couples conference, while required, did not take place at my church and was not affiliated with my church in any way.

It was from 8:30am-4:30pm.  It was long, but it wasn't bad.  Mostly just couples sharing stories from their marriage.  Some of them were really interesting and/or inspiring.  Then this guy gets up to talk about "Natural Family Planning."  Oh how it all went downhill.

Let me make one thing clear.  While I disagree with the chuch's stance on birth control, I can respect someone who agrees with their stance.  I don't judge them for it.  My Priest himself doesn't necessarily even agree with what the church has been doing in regards to it.

Now that I've made that clear let me tell you, he was the most ignorant, lying, uneducated, offensive person I have come across in a long time.  Just so you know, he was supposed to speak for 15 minutes about "NFP" and ended up starting with a 25 minute rant on birth control.

Some of them gems included:
-"Birth control costs $3000 a year.  Who pays for that?!" -uh.. what?
-"Women who get their tubes tied will end up with cancer or other health problems.  This is true, look it up." -Now sure, there are risks to (any) surgery, but I can't seem to find anything saying "tubal ligation = cancer."
-"Japan won't even allow birth control because they said whooa this stuff is bad news." -I do believe it was legalized in Japan over 10 years ago.
-"If you take the pill, men will no longer respect you and you become just a sex toy." -..just wow..
-"If you never take the pill, have a child and breast feed, you'll never get breast cancer." -WTF?!

There was so much more in that 25 minutes that made me and most of the other women in the room almost lose our minds.  I guess what I'm upset about is some mechanic (yes that is his occupation, highly qualified of course) getting up in front of people and flat out lying.  It's so irresponsible.  None of that actually had anything to do with Natural Family Planning.  Grr, sorry, I'm just irritated that the whole day was tainted by that guy.

Simply_Caitlin

There was also no mention of condoms or vasectomies.  It seemed like everything was about the woman and what the woman can do wrong.  Reading through my post I realize it doesn't even sound 1/10th as bad as it really was, but guess you had to be there.

ReyesToy

No that sounds pretty awful! Sorry you had to go through that! I wouldn't be able to go to another session with the same people.

I was also raised Catholic but left the church 10 years ago when I was about 17. Currently struggling with my Dad to just let me and my non-Catholic fiance have a non-religious ceremony. My Dad equates losing my Catholic faith to doing drugs. I couldn't do what you're doing.

Do you have more sessions with that conference? Maybe you could ask your priest for more private couples sessions. Good luck!

lv2011

Wow! That's terrible! I'm getting married in the church, too, and we have our pre-cana stuff coming up. Thankfully, our priest is not so interusive as to make nfp a major topic of conversation. It drives me nuts when jerks like that are given a podium to speak and end up making the entire faith sound like hokum. NFP is actually a great thing, but not for the reasons that ass stated. Why do so many people feel like the only way to get through to others is by touting the fear and anger line?That approach DOES NOT WORK! Aaarrgh!

 NFP is free! It's natural! No chemicals! It's just as effective as the pill/ shot/ iud (when done correctly). And by following the natural rhthyms of the body, using NFP can actually help women and their doctors diagnose and treat medical problems. I've actually used birth control for a lot of years, but can't wait to get off it and start using NFP. It's a personal choice, however, and one I feel should be made individually--not by the church. Do some research- there are a lot of benefits. The Catholic Knot Board is really knowledgable, too.

I hope the rest of your pre-cana goes better, and that you're able to have more appropriate resources of information presented. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such an ignorant douche-bag.

trawas01

Oh boy.

And this is why the moment I could I stopped attending church. I'm a happy self described atheist now.


Not for nothing, if your church is more liberal, mention this to your priest. While I'm not a huge proponent of any religion, there are many churches out there trying to shake that uneducated stance. What was said crossed the line into scaring young women into not using birth control. That may not be something your priest is comfortable with his parishioners being exposed to.

achiduck

I would have been LIVID. I'm so sorry you had to sit through that BS.

aimee58

We had a similiar experience!! The couple told us that BC is a carcinogen, compared us to cows (people spend a lot of money on milk that came from a cow with no hormones, but then they pump their wives full of hormones), and said that people on BC can never fully love each other b/c there is a barrier between them.

That said, our priest and the deacon leading the conference both said that although NFP is the prefered method from the church, there are many methods family planning available and to do what is best for you. I just wish they'd pick less judgemental people to talk to the groups.

music11

And this is why we are not getting married in the Catholic church even though my FI was raised Catholic, and my mom and grandmother also were.

brainybrunette

This is the exact reason why we're not getting married in a church!  I'm pretty sure I would have gotten up and walked out of that class!

FI and I were both raised Catholic, and I went to a Catholic school K-8.  That being said, we haven't considered ourselves Catholic for YEARS!

There's many, many reasons why I disagree with the Catholic church.  When I was in confirmation class in high school, all the priest wanted to talk about was sex!  He even went as far as telling us that if we know that we cannot get pregnant for any reason, then we should not get married.  We asked about what if a couple adopts?!  He still said that it's unacceptable!  

The thing that really sent me over the edge was a petition in the church bulletin to oppose stem cell research that every person at mass was encouraged to sign.  That was the day that I officially announced that I was no longer a Catholic. I'm a scientist, and there was no way I was going to support a religion that was so against my career goals!

No offense to any Catholics on this board, but it's just something that I can no longer define myself as.

aimee58

FI and I also grew up Catholic and at the end of the day, I still agree with beliefs of the Catholic Church.

We're getting married Catholic because we do think that raising our children in the Catholic faith is important.

However, I find it extremely upsetting that politics has completely taken over Church teaching in some places. A lot of church teaching (including BC) has been created by bishops and the popes based on their interpretation of the bible. And while I agree that the pope is the leader of the church and makes the big decisions, I still see him as a man who is doing his best to interpret something, and that probably has flaws.

I'm sorry if I'm babbling, I just think I'm in the same boat as a lot of Catholics these days. Agree with the basic beliefs, not with the politics.

ivedonethisb4

I'm not Catholic but WOW my Church doesn't even talk about family planning at all...I'm southern Baptist and other than knowing sex before marriage etc is a sin that's all they've ever gotten into to my knowledge. I don't attend much due to working Sundays for the last 7 years up to the last few months so maybe I missed all that!

Simply_Caitlin

Luckily we're done with the conferences, so our last 2 meetings are going to be just us and our priest.  I don't think I could sit through that again.  My fiance literally had to hold me down because I was about to get up and cause a scene.  I will definitely talk to my priest about my experiences though because I think they need to know what turns people away from the church.  I don't think there's anything wrong with NFP, in fact I would've liked to have learned a little about it at the conference. However, I have been on the pill since I was 15 for medical reasons. It was a very difficult decision for my parents to give me that option and it was a big discussion between us.  I didn't lose my viginity until I was 21. Being on birth control played no part in that decision. So to have this ignorant a-hole practically tell me I was a whore who was poisoning myself and who would never have the respect of a man was so sickening. Besides, I'd say I'm a little more than my fiance's sex toy if he's marrying me.

Thank you all for responding.  I feel better about it having vented.  Things like this remind me of why I left the church.  My faith in God has never wavered, but my faith in organized religion as a whole, it's just not there.  I am happy I found a church I feel comfortable in, but I will never allow a church to dictate to me what is right or wrong.