How to address complicated family situation

RockstarWifey0912

Here's the situation/background.  My grandfather on my dad's side is too ill to travel.  He lives about 4 hours away, and if we gave him the option, he'd drive up here to see me but honestly, his health is just too risky.  So My aunts take care of him, when he's not in the nursing home for something serious.  My aunts have already said they are both trying to come up for the wedding, along with one of my cousins (she's 15)

Now, my oldest cousin (will be 20 when the wedding happens) is pregnant with baby number 2 and due 3 weeks before the wedding.  I don't know how to bring up the situation with her!  I had assumed she wouldn't be coming anyway, because of the custody arrangement she and her ex have in place (no travel over a certain distance or some stupid shyt like that).

I just don't know how to bring it up.  I considered messaging her of FB and just flat out saying, "You and the kids are more than welcome to come up, but I will totally understand if you can't or don't feel up to it."  Is this OK to do?  I don't want anyone to have hurt feelings or feel left out, but I do understand- coming from 4 hours away, with kids, planning for a hotel stay, etc., etc.  Blah.

How would you handle it?

brainybrunette

I would address it to "Jane cousin and family". A wedding invitation isn't like a court summons, they don't have to come just because they got an invitation. I would send the invite as I mentioned above, and follow up with a message saying that you understand if they can't make it.

minionlover

Send her an invite just like you would anyone else. If she declines then say that you completely understand why and that you will send her some pics and catch up with her after the wedding.

RockstarWifey0912

Thanks ladies, that's what I figured would work best... It's just weird, I don't want her to feel left out!

shoebie

You dont address the situation with her on a personal level, there is nothing worse then someone saying we would love to have you but understand if you cant come makes it sound like you dont want them to. Send the invite to her labeled as a family "The Simpsons" for example and let her decide. 

fishinflagrl

I agree with PP's. Shoebie is right...when people call and say I understand if you cant make it, makes me feel like they really dont want me there. I would just send the invite like you would anyone else and see what happens. If she declines then let her know you totally understand. This is definitely a tough situation. I understand how you are feeling. I have family from across the state I want to say this to...but they can decide.

RockstarWifey0912

She actually messaged me ('at the advice of mom, i'm emailing now....' is how it started, LOL) and said she was going to say no to traveling but if something changed, she'd let me know.  She knows we are paying for this ourselves, so I guess I'll put her as a yes, just in case?