I think this is so tacky, do you agree?

brainybrunette

So, yesterday I went to a bridal shower for FI's cousin.  As I was sitting at the table, the MOB came around and handed all of us an envelope and a pen to self address our thank you notes envelopes...this has also been done at another bridal shower that I've gone to on FI's side of the family.  Other than this being done at the 2 showers I've gone to in FI's family, I've NEVER heard of or seen this done.  I thought this was beyond tacky both times that I've been asked to do this.  So yesterday as we were leaving the shower, I said to FI's mom and sister that I cannot believe that I was asked again to address my own TY note.  They saw nothing wrong with it and loved the idea.  I explained that if someone took the time to buy you a gift, wrap it, and come to your shower you can take the time to write out the address on their thank you note.  I don't think that FI's mom and sister liked my comment, so I just dropped the subject.

I told my mom (who also thinks this is ridiculously tacky) to make sure that this does not happen at my shower.  I swear that if I see envelopes and pens on the tables, I will personally go around and throw them out!

Just out of curiosity, do you agree that this is tacky?

jsarver14

I'm sorry, but I think this is a great idea. I don't know if it's just the area I'm from, but it's a pretty common practice here. Especially for people that have moved/will be moving, it's sometimes near to impossible to keep up with addresses. I don't feel this will make the note inside the thank you less personal...it's just a huge time saver.

NRod70

Now, I am not one to follow the "rules" of ettiquette...to each his or her own, BUT I do find this very tacky.

Agreed, someone is attending a party for you and buying you a gift, is it really that hard to address a simple envelope??!!

snuff9861

This bothers me, but unfortunately I could definately see my mom trying to pull this off. I will have to make sure this does not happen or I will be mortified.

ericaandtom2012

Ugh gross! So tacky!  It's not like you don't have access to all of the addresses anyways (for shower invitations and wedding invitations).  Yeah, it's a time-saver, but your guests spent time at your shower and money on your gift.  The least you can do is spend a minute addressing their thank you note. 

goatlady12

I wasn't sure how to vote on this.  It's really common here.  I personally, would prefer it not be at my shower, but it doesn't bother me either. 

brainybrunette

But, you should have all of these people's addresses because you are sending them a wedding invitation.  You don't invite someone to the shower and then not invite them to the wedding (another etiquette faux pas), so there should be no "it's a way for the bride to get everyone's address" excuse.  Also, it takes about 10 seconds to address an envelope.

The last time I was asked to do this, the note inside was far from personal.  It said something along the times of:  Thank you for the gift and for coming to my shower.  No mention of what the gift was and/or if the bride enjoyed it / how she will use it.  I'm sure she wrote the same message in everyone's note card.

From the time I was old enough to know how to write, my mother made me handwrite thank you notes for any gift that I received.  I'm really big on handwritten thank you notes!

TheSlowskys

Eh, I've seen it done at weddings and showers. It doesn't bother me but I wouldn't want it done at my own wedding or shower.

TheSlowskys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_i-think-this-is-so-tacky-do-you-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:eba52b35-bf3c-460d-a83a-e9a0e8866334Post:4470af03-fe36-4c56-af08-e8e637bc6a41">Re: I think this is so tacky, do you agree?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh gross! So tacky!  It's not like you don't have access to all of the addresses anyways (for shower invitations and wedding invitations).  Yeah, it's a time-saver, but your guests spent time at your shower and money on your gift.  The least you can do is spend a minute addressing their thank you note. 
Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]

Hahah - you would think they'd have the address, but I swear I have friends who have asked for my address a half dozen times. 

brainybrunette

I should also mention that the last time this was done, FI and I received a thank you note for the wedding gift that was not hand written at all.  It was a photo card (like the ones people send out for Christmas) that said thank you, love bride and groom ...and it had a sticky label for the address.  

CarolineandDean

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_i-think-this-is-so-tacky-do-you-agree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:eba52b35-bf3c-460d-a83a-e9a0e8866334Post:7dfd102b-220f-4307-aa61-5a317a5030d1">Re: I think this is so tacky, do you agree?</a>:
[QUOTE]But, you should have all of these people's addresses because you are sending them a wedding invitation.  You don't invite someone to the shower and then not invite them to the wedding (another etiquette faux pas), so there should be no "it's a way for the bride to get everyone's address" excuse.  Also, it takes about 10 seconds to address an envelope. The last time I was asked to do this, the note inside was far from personal.  It said something along the times of:  Thank you for the gift and for coming to my shower.  No mention of what the gift was and/or if the bride enjoyed it / how she will use it.  I'm sure she wrote the same message in everyone's note card. From the time I was old enough to know how to write, my mother made me handwrite thank you notes for any gift that I received.  I'm really big on handwritten thank you notes!
Posted by Nic12184[/QUOTE]
100% agree.  There is nothing grateful about having someone address their own thank you envelope.  This same person who took time out of their busy life to purchase a gift, wrap this gift, and then come to my shower. To me it says, I am sending this thank you note because I HAVE to, not because I truly appreciate your thoughtful gift.

LDubHawksFan

I've heard of this being done, especially back in the midwest.  I don't think it's the worst thing in the world, but I will not be doing it (unless my BM do this without me knowing).  My MOH has tried to tell me to print labels for my invites, and while I don't think I will for our wedding invites, I think it would be useful for shower invites and thank yous.  I hate when people don't write thoughtful thank yous.  It's tough sometimes to ellaborate, but it should be done.  I really don't like the photo cards that say thank you, and have nothing written on the back.  That  is tacky!

minionlover

I don't want to say that this is completely tacky, but I would be a little put off by it.  The bride should already have the addresses to send the TY notes.  I wouldn't even find it tacky if she used address labels to send them out, I would actually prefer that to having me write it on an envelope for her.

Bryan&AmyC

Oh goodness, I'd be beyond embarrassed if my MOH or someone else asked my guests to do this. What does it save? At the most, a minute per address? To me that just isn't worth it. It's essentially saying I'm too busy to thank you properly for your gift and time. No one is THAT busy! Just this weekend I received a thank you card that had a preprinted message inside. I couldn't believe it! FI and I traveled over 7 hours roundtrip to be there and celebrate with the couple. Ever since I was a child, my Mom always said a handwritten thank you card is such a simple gesture but it means so much to the recipient. I couldn't agree more with that.

kimm260

CRINGE!!
So, when I threw my sister her bridal shower about 7 years ago, I actually did this.  I got the idea from a wedding website and  thought that it might push my sister along in writing her thank you notes because she can be late on those kinds of things.  I didn't realize at the time how tacky it could appear to guests and thought that it was a great idea.   Boy do I now see the error of my ways - NO sarcasm.
 I do not want this done at my shower as I will personally address and write thoughtful thank you notes!

mlperkins12

I had never seen this done until a baby shower that I went to about a month ago.  I was not impressed.  Then the card came in the envelope I addressed, that was even less impressive.

achiduck

It's so rude IMO. I've only been to 1 or 2 showers where this has happed and one of the was the baby shower for one of my BMs. I'm going to talk to my SM who is co-hosting with my BMs and make sure that this doesn't happen at mine.

brainybrunette

I feel so much better knowing that it's not just me!  I was starting to feel like the uptight etiquette police when I pointed out that I didn't like this idea and it seemed like everyone else at the shower thought that it was ok.

achiduck

Sometimes I feel like the etiquette police too Nic.

Heath66

This may be weird, but I honestly feel like I am getting a letter from the gynecologist when I get a thank you card with my hand written address on the front. At my gyne they have me write my name and address on an envelope and they mail me the results to the testing that they do. 

I am a big time etiquette nut when it comes to thank you cards. I hate when people say "Well I'm busy that is why it took me 4 months to send out thank you cards." I want to say to them to, I am also busy, I have a full time job that requires me to stay late, and take home work, But all of my thank you notes will be finished before we are married one month. I just feel like if you are super busy do 5 a day. Even if you have to write out 300 thank you notes, it will only take you 2 months. 

I will get off my soap box now. 

fishinflagrl

Wooow. I would kill my MOH and mom if they decided to do this. I think it is tacky, and I am a very non-traditional / screw ettiquette type bride...but I think this is really tacky. I will be personally addressing and writing each thank you...no matter how tired I am or how bad my hand hurts.

lehc723

I can see where you're coming from. It doesn't bother me in terms of being "tacky", per se, but I can see why it would bother people. I'd personally never heard of it until a few weeks ago when I went to a shower that did it. In that case, they made a game of it, though, and you could win a door prize if they picked your envelope, which made it a little more integrated, I thought. I don't know. I don't have all that many people coming to my shower, so I can't imagine my MOHs will set that up, but if I get asked to do it at other showers, I'll deal. Besides, it's kind of trippy to get mail from yourself.

mpjf1001

I've been to 1 or 2 showers where they had me do this and i was like really??? I feel that it is tacky and that its really not that hard to write a thank you note. I was even at a shower where we got the thank you cards at the shower, attached to the favor, they were all the same and generic, i was like wtf how lazy can you be?!?!?!
I def have all the addresses for all the people attending my shower as they are invited to the wedding but i wouldnt be surprised by some people, some people keep asking me for my address over and over again when we have sent out STDs and new address announcements, and i even have friends that will send me stuff that doesnt even have FI's full name on it or they still send stuff to my parent's house, i just dont get it.

I told my MOH not to do this at my shower!!!

islandmonkey8

I am glad to read that I'm not the only one who thinks the Christmas card photo thank you for a wedding is tacky. Nothing handwritten? Really? Can't even sign your own name??

We gave my FI's cousin a card with a note in it saying her gift would be the photo album from her wedding (my Fi was the photographer). She sent out thank you notes to everyone, except us. The wedding was October 29th. Not even a verbal thanks from her.

Jasperk23

I have to say, I can see this being a good idea -- only because if someone else threw your shower and if it was a surprise, it's the best way to make sure no one is forgotten. Slightly better than a role call, I think. However, when I've seen it done they also made a draw out of it, so that was nice.

BrittneyRN

I think it's extremely tacky. If you really can't bear to personally thank people by hand writing a thank you note and writing out the envelope, then that's sad.

TCbride1

I've never seen this at any shower/event I've attended. I wouldn't be offended by it, I guess I would just be confused. Why not just pass around a little address book for everyone to update their addresses? Or is it about saving time? Seems kind of silly.

laxchick20183

I have actually gone to a baby shower and we had to do that.  One thing that they did that I liked was that they would put the enevelopes in a basket and the mom to be picked out one out to give a gift to.  I really don't mind do something like that because it does take a lot of time and least you know you have the correct address. 

CFM102012

I've seen it done for at least half the bridal showers I've been to. It bugs me but not enough to where I get really skeeved and say something. I've already had a small talk with my BM that offered to throw my shower over stuff that I'd like and things I'd really prefer she not do.  This was on the "don't do this" list. I'll address my own envelopes

[Deleted User]

My church does this at showers they throw. I don't really have a problem with it. Not saying I would do it that way, just saying its fairly common where I'm from.

chasemamabear

i kinda did that for my baby shower but we were doing a prize draw anyways so instead of having them fill out a piece of paper we just had them fill out the envelopes and we drew from them. no one had a problem with it and some people got to take home some really cool prizes!