vent- what's been your most emotional decision to make?

zenjenn

So, I posted a while back about changing our date to get the venue we wanted, which was fine...until I found out the officiant we want (who is our priestess and like family) won't be able to make it because her daughter's wedding is on the same day!  We JUST got our Save the Date!  I was heartbroken.  I was in love with our venue, but the people we love being there was more important.  Again we considered changing the date.

We didn't.  None of our alternate choices for venues were affordable, acceptable, or what we really wanted for  what we'd pay, and Ryan's parents (who are paying for the venue) really weren't happy with any of them.  We also figured anyone invited to both weddings STILL wouldn't make it because it would mean babysitters, driving, etc two weekends in a row or at least close together.  IShe also couldn't be sure SHE could be there considering she's doing most of the work for her daughter's wedding.  I'm sure she will need some decompression. 

There's really only so much adjustment that's realistic, so we took our date and booked our venue.  I'm really happy we got the venue we fell in love with, but I'm still really sad about thep ossibility that certain members of our spiritual family won't be able to make it.  I also don't want them to feel like they're in an awkward position to choose.  We announced it to them all privately at our last meeting, and made sure no one felt like we were going to be upset if they couldn't make it.  The other wedding was planend first, so it;s only fair. 

I suggested we have them all over for dinner at some point after the wedding to celebrate together, but I'll really miss them being there.  I feel a little guilty.  I feel really selfish. 

Has any of you been in a bind like this? 

sof0830

I hear that and good luck to you. There are some hard choices with planning. For me, it was inviting someone near and dear to my hubby's heart that is not near and dear to mine....
 
I did not want this person to attend our wedding...it was an emotional choice. Once it was made, and truly my wedding gift to him...it became easier to reconcile...it is one of the many lessons of compromising in life, give in take is paramount in any relationship.

caraellen23

The hardest decision I made (besides my shoes, which is another story) was the decision not to do a bedeken.  The bedeken is the tradition in jewish weddings before the ceremony where the groom lowers a veil over his brides face.  This harkens back to biblical times to ensure the groom was marrying the right woman.  It was important to my cousin (our officiant) that I do this, and our rabbi expects his brides to do it as welll.  Conservative ceremonies always have it.  Its just tradition.  Only.... I could never get on board with this particular tradition. I could never get past the feeling that by walking down the aisle, flanked on both sides by parents, with a veil in front of my face, would make me feel like someone without any say being given away to my future husband.  I can't really explain it, but I just couldn't get the idea to sit well with me.  I made the decision not to do the bedeken and faced questions and disappointment from my officiants.  Some of the guests may murmur when they see me walk down the aisle without the blusher, but I'll feel like I'm a willing and equal participant in the proceedings.

Other difficult decisions and lessons learned were about people and feelings that surround the wedding and learning to accept that you can't please everyone.

miguelhilary2010

Unfortunately this may not be the only tough decision you'll have to make regarding the wedding.  Wedding planning is a loooong process that tests your relationships and patience 

My big emotional decision was whether or not to invite my grandmother to the wedding.  For 6 years she didn't support DH and I.  When we got engaged, I basically sat down with gma and asked her if she would like to be included in wedding events... it was not to be assumed that she would be included or invited.  I put her on the spot, she said she wanted to be involved, and made an effort over the next year to accept DH.  My mom couldn't believe it was even an option to not invite gma, but if she wasn't going to support us I didn't want her there.