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Can't believe i'm thinking like this....

It seems like everyone I know/speak to/read about (congrats button!) are just finding out they are pregnant or having babies. I never ever thought of myself as one to want children until i met my husband a few years ago. I started entertaining the though (my parents will still tell you they couldn't imagine it). Being married now, and hearing about everyone who is pregnant, i am starting to get baby fever!!!

am i just going crazy? I dont even have a secure job...i still need to take the Bar and my husband hasn't even moved east coast yet from San diego. why am i thinking such crazy thoughts!!!
Braxton & Lizzie 10.9.10 Photobucket

Re: Can't believe i'm thinking like this....

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    edited December 2011
    Just tell yourself to wait 6 months and then re-evaluate your situation then.  I agree with you that not having a job and your H not being with you are pretty good reasons to put it off for now.  :)
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Hilary. 

    Not to be all debbie downer on this, but babies are HUGE life changers.  I think a lot of people get caught up in the romance of becoming a parent without really thinking it through. 
    Mrs. JEGs
    est 7.17.10
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/2md4eb4.jpg[/IMG]
    Hunter Fillmore
    October 1, 2011

    Lizzie In Progress
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto both, you need to be mentally physically and financially prepared for such a huge life change. I'd wait until all your ducks are in a row and you and your DH are in a place where you both feel comfortable, then talk about it and when you may want to etc. It's something DH and I talked about A LOT, got security in our jobs and our bank account, saved a crap load, and have both been excited and preparing for, for the last year. It'd be good to read a book or two before trying, to really prepare yourself for the life changes not only after the baby comes, but what your body could go through, because that sure isn't all fun either!

    What ever you decide, G/L because as much work as babies are, they are the biggest blessing, and we couldn't be more thankful to finally be starting this new journey.
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    jessica0602jessica0602 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    methinks she was looking for some sympathy, not a boatload of unsolicited advice as to when/how/if/why she and her husband should TTC.  cripes you gals are judgmental.

    ETA: to the OP, what you're feeling is completely normal.  most likely it will come in waves where you will go from really, really wanting one and to being terrified of changing your life that hugely.
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    edited December 2011
    No sympathy here... I don't get baby fever. ever.
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    edited December 2011
    I think I see things a little differently and totally not to take away from what everyone else wrote as that is all good advice too.  Just so you hear some one about the other side of things...it's natural for women to desire motherhood so don't wonder why you are having those thoughts.  You might be changing your mind :)  I will always remember what my mom said to me, if she waited until she had enough money to have a baby she would have never had one.  Now, I am the youngest of 8 kids so I know, an extreme example!  I don't know your age but I know so many friends of mine who put it off waiting for the right time and come to find out they had trouble conceiving when they were "ready" because they waiting so long.  I think I'm the debby downer now but just something to keep in the back of your mind.  I'm sure it will all happen when it is meant to :)
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_cant-believe-im-thinking-like-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:4e8bfc9f-2176-432f-96f7-ae43a2aa6107Post:c8cf3cbf-f50c-48d0-af8c-7712645d3d7a">Re: Can't believe i'm thinking like this....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think I see things a little differently and totally not to take away from what everyone else wrote as that is all good advice too.  Just so you hear some one about the other side of things...it's natural for women to desire motherhood so don't wonder why you are having those thoughts.  You might be changing your mind :)  I will always remember what my mom said to me, if she waited until she had enough money to have a baby she would have never had one.  Now, I am the youngest of 8 kids so I know, an extreme example!  I don't know your age but I know so many friends of mine who put it off waiting for the right time and come to find out they had trouble conceiving when they were "ready" because they waiting so long.  I think I'm the debby downer now but just something to keep in the back of your mind.  I'm sure it will all happen when it is meant to :)
    Posted by annie6672[/QUOTE]

    I'll ditto this... there are for sure a ton of positive reasons to TTC and have babies (obviously) and my mom gave DH the same advice, because there's always more to save etc.

    She was just stating all the reasons she wasn't ready, but babies are so cute etc. so if nothing else, my advice was yes babies are cute, and the maternal instinct is there in most women.. but if she feels she's not ready, holding off until she feels she is ready is the best decision for her and her husband. No judging one way or the other, as I'm clearly partial to having kids young.

    And also, you are right you never know how long it can take you to actually get pregnant... which is something I really took for granted when we started to TTC last year... just because you want it to happen right away certainly doesn't mean it will.

    0602 - How are you feeling BTW?
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    edited December 2011
    You are definitely not going crazy =)  I think it's natural to get baby fever especially now that you have found someone who you can actually imagine having babies with!  I've also been telling my family all these years that I never wanted to have kids until recently when I've actually started to open up to the idea. 

    Couples can plan for this as much as they can and of course it is advisable in our society to have money saved and to have stable careers before having children.  But sometimes, life happens - make do with what you have - an end up raising perfectly healthy and happy children without very much. 

    There's no rule book or anything...life is what we make of it (so cliche, i know =)
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    >>methinks she was looking for some sympathy, not a boatload of unsolicited advice as to when/how/if/why she and her husband should TTC.  cripes you gals are judgmental.<<

    Hahahahhahaha.  This coming from the queen of "this is Philly and you need to have your big girl pants on".

    My apologies for trying to inject some common sense into this discussion.
    Mrs. JEGs
    est 7.17.10
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/2md4eb4.jpg[/IMG]
    Hunter Fillmore
    October 1, 2011

    Lizzie In Progress
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    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry, I did not mean to come across judgemental at all.  My apologies!!! 
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    ButtonsPepperButtonsPepper member
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    edited December 2011
    It comes down to this, you are a woman, most of us have maternal instincts. In the world we live in today, esp. in our region, women aren't promoted to have children, esp. at a younger age, so that may be why you go back and fourth. At the end of the day, you and your husband know what's best for you, and your timing, and at the end of the day even when you do decide it's the best time, life may have other plans for you anyway. I've had baby feaver since I was in high school and it just never went away, so I don't think having it is odd... you just need to determine the time that's best for you.
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    jessica0602jessica0602 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_cant-believe-im-thinking-like-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:105Discussion:4e8bfc9f-2176-432f-96f7-ae43a2aa6107Post:fff9822d-58ef-48d6-b0e3-ef9a19df98aa">Re: Can't believe i'm thinking like this....</a>:
    [QUOTE] />>methinks she was looking for some sympathy, not a boatload of unsolicited advice as to when/how/if/why she and her husband should TTC.  cripes you gals are judgmental.<< Hahahahhahaha.  This coming from the queen of "this is Philly and you need to have your big girl pants on". My apologies for trying to inject some common sense into this discussion.
    Posted by Amerbutt81[/QUOTE]

    Clearly a girl wondering aloud if her feelings on having children is a bit more of a weighty issue than "what color card should I give my FI on our wedding day?"  Unless it's not that clear to you?
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    CaitC21CaitC21 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh do I wish the snarkies were out yeseterday as I was being a huge grump.

    Anyway,
    I have had baby fever for years.
    I have always been a kid person, and if you are friends with me on fb you know my SIL just had their fourth.
    People tell me I am going to be an instant family, get married then have kids right away.
    I want to wait til after I am 25, I will be getting married at 24, and FI  wants to be nearer to 30.
    So I still have time to wait, get my masters done, and get a secure job in my field....

    But no, its not weird.
    image Planning Bio Wedding Planning Website Updated 7/21/11
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    >>Clearly a girl wondering aloud if her feelings on having children is a bit more of a weighty issue than "what color card should I give my FI on our wedding day?"  Unless it's not that clear to you? <<

    What's not clear to me is when I said that it wasn't a weighty issue.  Actually, I think my original post was talking about how much of a weighty issue bringing a child into this world is. 

    Or was that not clear to you?
    Mrs. JEGs
    est 7.17.10
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/2md4eb4.jpg[/IMG]
    Hunter Fillmore
    October 1, 2011

    Lizzie In Progress
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    jessica0602jessica0602 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    my point was "wondering aloud", not "asking for advice".  i believe that's where we differ.
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    edited December 2011
    Forget what everyone else says, it all comes down to what works for YOU as a couple. Some want to wait until they are financially stable, prepared, have all of their ducks in a row. Some would rather dive right in and start a family. Sure, life is easier when you've got some $$ and everything in order, but it doesn't mean that's the way it has to be, or that you're at fault if you want kids prior to that. Everyone has different goals in life. It all works out in the end, you just have to adapt.

    With that said, I've had baby fever for years. I love love kids. But I'm a nanny right now while in grad school and it's been the ultimate birth control for me. Kids are amazing but a TON of work, far more exhausting than any 9-5 job I've ever had. As I much as I love being the "second mom" to a baby, coming home with snot and crusty baby food on my clothes everyday has definitely been a wake up call that I'm still too into living my own life to be a mom anytime soon.
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    Amerbutt81Amerbutt81 member
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    edited December 2011
    You say 'advice' I say 'opinion'..tomato, tamahto. 

    Regardless, if you post something on a message board, you are going to get responses.
    Mrs. JEGs
    est 7.17.10
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/2md4eb4.jpg[/IMG]
    Hunter Fillmore
    October 1, 2011

    Lizzie In Progress
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    Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have it too, don't worry.  DH and I met 8 years ago and I think it started the day we got married (only 4 months ago).  You're normal IMO.  I know it's not the right time for us right now just for the fact that I am hoping to change careers soon but we are talking within the next year or so.  I know that people talk about money and responsibility but I don't think that it takes a lot of money to love a child and take care of them.  I work in a preschool and I've seen it all.  People make it work and that's just how it goes.  
    Photobucket
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    edited December 2011
    thanks ladies for all the input...

    based on all of the opinions i think i'll give it another 5 years Tongue out    (im 26, turning 27). ok..so maybe 3-5 years. Gosh, hopefully by then i'll have been hired by a law firm...they actually better hire me after i take the Bar in July otherwise these stupid financial aid lenders will be coming after me- ahhh!!
    Braxton & Lizzie 10.9.10 Photobucket
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    LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry I'm late to the discussion, but I don't think you're crazy at all! I've had a bunch of close friends who have had babies recently, and I think it's normal that it might get you even subconsciously thinking that maybe it's about that time! Of course, now that a few of my besties actually have their babies and I'm getting the full rundown on how they're 6 months old and still not sleeping through the night, how it's hard to get a night "off" to themselves even though their husbands get out in the evenings on a regular basis, etc, etc, it's helping keep my fever at bay, at least for a few years.

    It sounds like you're being very rational about the barriers (need a job first, etc), but the feelings are totally totally normal. I know you've had all of the opinions you can probably handle, but also keep in mind that you need to be working somewhere for a year before FMLA kicks in, so once one of these law firms comes to their senses and hires you, that might have an impact as well.
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
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    Play getawayPlay getaway member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Brizzie:  i'm the same way but, i've ALWAYS loved kids, and never pictured getting married until I met FI (i always thought i'd adopt or get invitro, then meet a guy).  

      In college, i decided that i didn't think i wanted kids... maybe because i feel like SUCH  a parent to my own parents that it's so draining.  (Maybe i should make that a separate post but its been a rough few weeks with them).     I'm ready for them to "move out and go to college" kind of deal already.
    I just LOVE the baby stage eventhough they are a lot of work, i imagine having children and think of the early childhood-teens and am brought back to those feelings of not wanting to go through that. 

    Plus just the fact that kids are so expensive is another reason.     
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