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Wish I could take it back.....

I must say I probably picked my Bridesmaids too early - and I'm really starting to wish I hadn't pick the one. My girls consit of my two sisters, FSIL who is like a sister to me, my two roomates from college who I'm very good friends with despite the long distance friendship we have (one in Boston, one living all around Europe) and the one I'm doubting is a good friend from college who was a part of that group.

My doubts are coming as Boston BM and I are trying to plan to visit her in NY next weekend. We've been talking about this for months and are trying to finalize plans to which the MIA BM has been just that - M.I.A! We are now a week away from making a trip and haven't heard anything from her -despite voicemails, fb messages, emails, texts, etc. all being sent. I know she's been on fb so I have no idea why she's ignoring us! Before this I sent out a BP letter to everyone asking for a confirmation of email, as well as # and address  - to which she didn't answer (the only one mind you - even my sisters answered and I know where they live!)

This is making me stressed as all get out for her being in my BP. I mean is she going to flake out for the shower at the last minute? the bachelorette party? the wedding?

I have no idea what to do, and I'd love to hear any advice -

Thanks Ladies!

*~~*The Future Mrs. Coulter-Thurley*~~*
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Re: Wish I could take it back.....

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    benmel31benmel31 member
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    edited December 2011
    I am sorry that you are dealing with an MIA bridesmaid.  You may want to prepare yourself for her to not participate in all your upcoming festivities.  She may make an excuse for the shower or b-party.  I hope that she does not and participates in everything, but you just don't know.  Hopefully you will get the chance to visit her next weekend and reconnect and make sure everything is alright with her.  Good luck!
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    edited December 2011
    Ugh I hear you.  I had a flaky bridesmaid also -- she took the entire day off of work but was still an hour late to our 5:30 PM rehearsal and missed the entire thing -- and she ended up annoying me throughout the entire process and I actually haven't seen her since the wedding in November.  It's weird how weddings bring you much closer with some friends but push others away.  I hope she gets her act together.  How long do you have until your wedding?
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    edited December 2011
    I have gone through a similar thought process recently. If I could choose them over again, I would have just left it at my sister, FSIL, and my cousin. No friends. I had one friend, that I kicked out when I ended our friendship. And my other friend, is in lala-land. My sister is actually having problems with her as well. No communication, but we all know she is on Facebook posting stuff all the time.

    It's a shame to have someone that is MIA and really not that involved as we all wished they would be.

    All the best to you! I can relate!
    ~* Diana *~ ~* October 9, 2010 *~

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    edited December 2011
    I am dittoing everything Delicate said...  I had a BM who was flaky the entire time, showed her true colors along the way that she wasnt really as good of a friend as I had thought, and to put the icing on the cake actually LEFT MY WEDDING early because she was "tired and had to get up early" !??!    So yeah, I havent seen her since October of last year.  

    Point being - your wedding will teach you a LOT about the true meaning of friendship, who are the keepers and who are the flaky "not there for you when you need them" friends.   You can't go back and uninvite her, and it's not worth the hassle of removing her now most likely, so just chalk it up as a loss .. if you set yourself up to not expect much from her, you won't be disappointed when she flakes out.
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    FutureMrsTCTFutureMrsTCT member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Delicate - I've hopefully got enough time before the wedding for her to turn it around (although doubtful) - just over 10 months.

    I know I can't uninvite her, but I'll probably follow ooodsie's advice and not expect much. Thankfully my sisters and FSIL are willing to help (FSIL also has wedding planning certificate - so that'll really help).

    Thanks to all of you! While I'd like to be positive and say she'll turn around - I'm not so sure - she's definitely a little flaky - and I knew that going into it, but I didn't a) want her to feel left out since she is a good friend, and b) didn't know how flaky she was.
    *~~*The Future Mrs. Coulter-Thurley*~~*
    Siggy Challenge Pic with BM
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Jesster153Jesster153 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I can relate also.
    My college roommate is one of my bridesmaids and she lives in Boston still. According to my sister (MOH) she hasn't responded to like any emails she's sent- and she never responded about the shower or anything.
    When I ask her what her plan is for the wedding and RD and stuff, it takes her soo long to respond and then it's just like 'we're not sure yet- I'll get back to you'
    I always feel like I'm bugging her when I ask her wedding stuff.
    We were SO close in college- but thats prob becasue we lived together...now I can see more and more how much we're drifting apart. My friend in California has helped out more than her! :-P

    Don't let it bother you-- I've kinda learned to say 'it is what it is' and just assume she won't be there for the shower or bachlorette-- and just hope she makes it for the RD. I have 4 other ladies that are fabulous and will make sure everything is perfect :)
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    edited December 2011
    I am no longer friends with one of my bridesmaids after her antics during my wedding.

    You really learn alot about people during the process - good and bad.

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    edited December 2011
    A few of the professional photos with the bridal party the girl I mentioned above was on the end of the photos.. so I potentially made a "mistake" when framing some photos and she may have been cut out of them... ;)
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_wish-could-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:61b88237-2b30-46fc-ad68-d2661556cac7Post:39b7a8ef-4003-40a2-b670-76888047dbd2">Re: Wish I could take it back.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]A few of the professional photos with the bridal party the girl I mentioned above was on the end of the photos.. so I potentially made a "mistake" when framing some photos and she may have been cut out of them... ;)
    Posted by ooodsie[/QUOTE]


    HA.  This is tradition in our family....new people stand on the end. :-)
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_pennsylvania-philadelphia_wish-could-back?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:105Discussion:61b88237-2b30-46fc-ad68-d2661556cac7Post:f1ca963b-0ce2-4750-ab06-403cb0bd59ec">Re: Wish I could take it back.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am no longer friends with one of my bridesmaids after her antics during my wedding. You really learn alot about people during the process - good and bad.
    Posted by samanthas8882[/QUOTE]

    <div>That really sucks.  </div>
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    edited December 2011
    Cara - you're devious!   I love that.   I didn't do it on purpose, but it did work out well.  
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