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July 2010 Weddings

Our Pastor threw me under the bus at our own wedding!

Through out our pre-marital counseling I felt that my pastor was a little over the top and a touch sexist. (i.e. telling me I am to submit to my husband, make sure he is always happy, put him above myself, and give him sex whenever otherwise he might cheat just to name a few things he said to me).
We'll during one of our counselling sessions we had to bring up our hopes, dreams & fears.   One of my dreams was to one day move out of our little town, even just for a little while to experience something different.  This was by no means at the top of my list, and something that if we didn't do I wouldn't be heartbroken. I explained this to them.  
Well then FI fear was to move away from our town (I already knew this but we were being open & honest).   So we talked about it with the pastor and I didn't think it was a big deal.  We even came up with a compromise of traveling more when I'm done with school so I can see places outside of MI.
We'll during his "challenge" to us he brought  up that I should not pressure my husband to move and do things that would make him feel uncomfortable.  He said this in front of all of our family, friends & co-works who most don't even know that I like the idea of moving one day, but this will most likely never happen (again, something I'm good with).
We got asked a ton of times about our possible plans to move, where to, when we were thinking of doing this.  To the point where hubbys boss asked him on his 1st day back to work about wanting to move! I just could not believe he brought that up at our wedding!!

Re: Our Pastor threw me under the bus at our own wedding!

  • wow thats horrible! im so sorry :(

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  • Wow. That's really inappropriate of your priest. I'm sorry that happened!!!
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  • Not cool.  I also don't think it's cool that during the counseling the pastor said if you don't have sex with hubby whenever he wants, he'll cheat.  Sounds like pastor has some issues. 
  • that's crappy. i'm so sorry
  • Might be time for a new pastor in my opinion... WOW... totally inappropriate all around...
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  • wow. wow wow wow. i cannot believe this! how horrible (FOR EVERYTHING!) i would have stopped counseling and found someone else if ours ever said that to me. holy crap, no way. and i'm SO sorry he brought it up at the wedding!!! how crazy!!!! what religion if you dont mind me asking?
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  • Yes, needless to say we will NOT be attending our childhood church any longer.  On the hunt for a new one currently.
    DH even said after almost every session that he thought our pastor was going a little too far on things and that he was quite rude to me.  But we started our 7 sessions 2 months before the wedding and didn't really have another choice by the time we realized he didnt have the same views on life & relationships as we did it was too late.
    Were a little more modern in that I am actually the one to financially support us, and that most of the time we make decisions together - not just hubby making them himself. Pastor did not like this view very much as he feels the husband should be the head of the household and make all final decisions with only input from the wife.

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  • Oh my.  That is so innappropriate.  I'm so sorry that happened to you.

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  • oh my goodness that is terrible!  I'm so sorry that happened to you I would be so angry as well.

    my FI was against doing pre-marital counseling of any kind.  I have heard really good things about it and also really bad things.  Too bad pastors like yours have to ruin a perfectly good thing.  ugh.

    Hopefully you will find a church that you both feel comfortable at.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2010-weddings_pastor-threw-under-bus-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:592Discussion:2c46b665-4098-4178-bc18-f1cacbd019aePost:a127b2d6-828d-4439-8bf3-eaceef112cd7">Re: Our Pastor threw me under the bus at our own wedding!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow. That's really inappropriate of your priest. I'm sorry that happened!!!
    Posted by lburkey21[/QUOTE]
    That's pretty inappropriate for anyone.
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  • WHAT??? Wow! I'm really sorry! So uncalled for.
  • 'SUBMIT to your husband'???  What cave did he crawl out of???  Then the 'challange'?  What a weazle!
  • I am shocked that something you said in a private session would be revealed in such a manner at your wedding.  Is this church part of a denomination or is it by itself?  If it is part of a denomination, I would write a letter to his higher up stating that you were upset that he shared something that you told him in confidence.  If it is a stand alone church, I would stop going there and if I knew others that went there, I would warn them not to share any information with this pastor.  
  • Just curious, but did your DH say anything to the paster about his concerns that he was being rude to you during the sessions?  I can just see either me or FI yelling at this guy during a session if he ever said stuff like that to me. 
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