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July 2010 Weddings

Sad and amazing all in one. Long, but this needs to come out.

I have had the most overwhelming few days.  It almost feels like the few days before the wedding all over again. But I feel the need to get this out here, and also explain my siggy.

We were married on 7/24/10.  My grandpa lived in Florida for the longest time after my grandma died.  This grandma and I had a very special relationship, and when she passed when I was 14, I was absolutely devastated.  I still am - it's very hard for me not to cry even now when she's brought up.  It took 10 years for me not to cry when thinking about her at all, and while it's easier now, I still often cry when I think of her.  She was my best friend in my childhood.  So when DH and I got engaged, I knew I had to find a way to get my grandpa to come.  The problem was that he had a series of mini-strokes about 7 years ago, and doesn't like to travel.

DH and I went down to Florida to visit him in February and to see what kind of shape he was in.  I hadn't visited my grandma's grave ever, and I hadn't seen him in a long time.  We spent 3 days with him and realized that he really couldn't travel.  It was a hit, but we knew we couldn't push it any longer.

Less than a month later, Grandpa had a "premonition" and he didn't want to be down in Florida anymore.  He said he wanted to be around family and that he thought he could use more help.  So the family moved him up to Yonkers where he lived in an assisted living facility.  DH and I looked at each other and talked to my dad and realized that we might be able to get him to the wedding after all, now that it was a hour's car ride away.  And my dad talked to him, and Grandpa agreed to come.  He would come for the ceremony and the cocktail hour and then go home, but he would be there to see us get married and to walk down the aisle and I was the happiest girl in the world.

Fast forward to the wedding day.  Everything was wonderful.  Grandpa came, got dressed at the venue, took some pictures, walked down the aisle, had something to eat, took a few more pictures, and went home.  It was amazing having him there and knowing that he experienced this.  I am the oldest grandchild by 15 years, the other two are in middle school.  My grandma never knew the other two, they are named for her.  I feel like that by having him there, she was there too.  And it means the world to me.

The next day, we went to three brunches and then left for our honeymoon, where we were oblivious to the outside world for two weeks.  We got home Saturday night, and then Sunday morning my dad called, saying that he needed to come over.  He did, and told DH and I that Grandpa had passed away.  The night after the wedding.  He went home, told everyone at the facility how amazing it was, what a great time he had, how beautiful I looked and how proud he was.  He talked to my other two uncles on the phone and told them again too.  He went to sleep, and when he didn't come down to breakfast the next morning, the staff went up and found him - he had passed in his sleep.

The assisted living facility staff called my family around 2:35 - DH and I had left the brunch 5 minutes earlier.

I really feel as though he hung in there for the wedding.  That Grandma must have been saying, "Irving, I CAN'T be there, so YOU had BETTER be there, and then come up here and tell me all about it!"  And he did.

Between Grandpa, the car accident I was in before the wedding, name changing, starting a new job, and trying to get the house together I am completely overwhelmed.  But I needed to get this out here.  If you're still reading, thanks so much for listening.

-love-
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RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.

Re: Sad and amazing all in one. Long, but this needs to come out.

  • melanie - That was such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing! I have tears in my eyes reading it. I am so sorry for your loss but sooo happy your Grandpa was able to be there for your special day. I have lost all four of my grandparents and I know that it was really hard not having any of them there for our day (so I understand how you feel about your Grandma too..) I know that they were all up in heaven watching me walk down the aisle and that comforts me.

    Congrats again on your wedding and best wishes for a lifetime of happiness. My thoughts are with you and your family. XOX
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  • omg I have chills and tears in my eyes.  I am so sad for you, yet so happy that he experienced your day.  Life is unexplainable like that, and I know you will cherish those memories forever.  How amazing.  I am sorry for your loss, but your grandmother was definitely watching over you. 
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  • This totally made me teary eyed! I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather but its so amazing that he was able to be there for you at the wedding.

    Neither my FI or I have any of our grandparents left - my grandmother was the most recent to pass and it was 6 months before the wedding. She wanted this wedding more than anything and kept telling me to hurry up and get married so she could be at the wedding. I feel guilty because if we had only had a 1 year engagement she would have been able to be there...I totally understand wishing your Grandmother could be there.
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  • I'm really sorry for your loss, but I'm so happy that your grandfather passed away a happy man.
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  • Your post totally made me cry and smile at the same time... I have lost all of my grandparents and completely understand how you felt about your grandmother as I felt the same way about mine and I still have trouble talking about her and she passed away 15 years ago!

    My godfather, mentor, uncle and close friend passed away 11 days before my wedding... I wish he could have been there but I know he, along with my grandparents and my brother were looking down on us...

    I am so glad your grandfather was able to be there for your special day... It is amazing knowing that his last thoughts were of you and how proud he was of you...

    Keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers during this time...

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  • I'm so sorry for you loss.. I  am happy he went happy and peacefully. 
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  • Your story definitely brought tears to my eyes. It is so awesome that he got to be part of your day and was happy to have had that experience.
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  • This made me cry. I don't really know what to say so I'm sending you a hug.
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    <BR> Love bugs unite!

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  • Thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

    I believe you are right, your Grandpa hung in there to see you walk down the aisle.
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  • I am so sorry for you lost, but so glad he was able to share in your special day with you!!!  Hold on to the happy memories and that will get you through the hard times.  
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  • Hugs to you! I'm so sorry for your loss... I lost my grandmother about five days after DH and I announced our engagement, and I know how happy she sounded on the phone when we talked and I told her I would be getting married this summer. I can only imagine how happy your grandfather was to be able to be a part of your wedding and be there for you. Life is so mysterious. I'm so glad he was about to be there for you. Wishing you and your family peace.
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  • So sorry to hear of your loss but its such a touching story.
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  • you made me all teary-eyed! beautiful story. im so sorry for the loss of your grandfather but it was such a blessing that he held on through your wedding. im sure it will one of the most cherished memories you have of him for the rest of your life :)

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  • I am very sorry for your loss, but that is a beautiful and touching story.  I am so happy that your grandpa could attend your wedding. 
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  • I'm sitting here at work all teary eyed now.  That is a very beautiful story.  I am so glad that your grandpa could be there, and it sounds like he really was too.  You are right that it is both very happy and very sad.  I am sorry that your grandma could not be there.  I miss my grandma very much, she died 2 Christmases ago and I miss her so much that it's still hard to think of her. Now, I am down to just one grandma who lives 6 hours away from me.  Luckily, my unlce drove her all the way to my wedding.  I hope your family can find peace during this time, share all your good memories of the times you did have with your grandparents.
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