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July 2010 Weddings

You've got to be kidding...BM DROPPED OUT

6 weeks til the wedding today - yay - and I find out one of my bridesmaids is dropping out of the wedding. She is OOT and has a funny work schedule so we don't get to chat much except over fb and text. I didn't hear from her when invitations started arriving, so I sent her a message asking if she got hers and she said yes. I asked if she was going to be able to get off work for the bach party and she said "highly unlikely. i'm hoping they don't switch my weekends and muck everything up" so I immediately texted asking if she was bailing out of the wedding party. Basically, we went back and forth and she said she couldn't switch weekends w anyone and that she loves me, "but this is my job" and the conversation ended with her saying that she would rsvp by the date and hopes she gets the weekend off, but that she doesn't want to put so much pressure on me so close to the wedding and it's probably best if she just steps down. WTF??! I understand that things happen, etc. but she wont even talk to her boss about it or anything to see if something can be worked out and it irks me that I had to initiate the conversation to find out. What if I hadn't?! Would she have told me on her own? I'm kind of in shock right now and she is the last pwerson I expecterd it from. So now, I am trying to find out if my closest cousin can fit into the dress and if not, I have to do some serious soul searching: Do I bring somebody else in that I really care about (and who fits in the dress) or just suck it up and have an uneven number of attendants. Just another day.....LOL

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Re: You've got to be kidding...BM DROPPED OUT

  • My vote is for uneven numbers.  Same thing happened to me.  My cousin didn't show up for my shower (she lives a block from the church where we had it) and I called her and she explained that she had to drop out of the wedding.. Gee thanks for letting me know.  I lost all respect for her because I had to ASK her before she told me she was going to bail.
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  • Yeah, I think that's what bothers me the most is that *I* had to bring it up. :(
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  • Oh, what a bummer. I'm sorry your friend did that to you. Definitely think about what is more important to you at your wedding- having those closest to you up there, or having a balanced bridal party. Do what you think you'd be happiest with. (I am still in shock that someone would drop out six weeks before the wedding. Crazy.)
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  • I am so sorry this is happening - Uneven bridal parties are becoming more and more popular so most people would just think you are trendy - and I don't see anything wring with that.

    I hope it all works out for you. Added stress this close to the wedding is no fun. Keep us posted.
  • Thanks for all the support. I will definitely keep you ladies posted. I didn't even think about this til now, but geez....the personalized bridal party gifts are already done....GRRR!
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  • Im sorry this has happened to you! I say go with uneven numbers. Thats what I have done because I have my girl friends then FI has guy friends, so it just happened that way for us.
    Again, this really stinks and I'm so sorry this happened.
  • Yea try not to let it stress you out too much.  I don't think she meant to hurt you or anything though.  Alot of people have to worry about job security these days.  It sounds like she really wants to be there and she is probably upset about it too. 

    It sucks to have disappointment though.  Go with the uneven numbers.  I would probably feel weird if someone asked me to be in their WP and it felt last minute or I was a second choice.
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  • Go with uneven numbers.

    With all of the staff cutbacks and layoffs, I know a number of people who used to always have weekends off (seniority)  bur now work 1 out of every 2 or 3,   and who almost always got approval for any day off,  who now are not even allowed to ask about time off until 30 days ahead.  Then it is granted only if there is not any coverage problem.  Layoffs mean fewer back up staff.

    If really could mean her job if she asked for the time off, was told no,  and took it anyways.

    It gets the company off the hook for unemployment - and she could not collect if let go because she went off the payroll deliberately.

    So realize, she may be between a rock and a hard place.

    You cannot afford to pay her 20 or 40 K a year if she loses a job for your wedding.
  • Sorry this happened so close to your wedding.  I don't blame you for being annoyed that you had to bring up this topic with your BM.  However, I agree, I would not ask someone new to be in the BP and keep your numbers uneven.  You don't want the stress of finding/asking someone new.  You also don't really want to insult someone who you did not ask in the first place.  

    Everything will out great and your wedding day will still be beautiful!
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  • I'm so sorry this is happening to you so close to your wedding. I would go with the uneven numbers. Our BP is totally uneven, but we are going to be fine. We'll make it look good :) Don't stress, it will all work out, and probably be even better than you expected in the end.
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  • What a massive pain! I'm sorry I have no advice that our super smart board hasn't already said, but I do have a big **knottie hug** for you!
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  • Ditto bekkers.  ::HUGS::
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  • i'm so sorry! one of my MOH's dropped out.. but not until she decided that her life was way more important, her job was way more stressful, she is way nicer and all of my other bms are b!tches... blah blah blah

    i realized my wedding will be better without her. :) yours will be too.
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  • thanks for the hugs :) i'm just still kind of in shock about it because she is the last person i expected this from.

    @sarack: holy mother! that is def no bueno :(
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  • Stick to the unevenness. If someone comments about it, say it was the same but because of work schedules you had someone back out with little time to replace them.
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  • THAT'S HORRIBLE. oops capslocks. Anyhoo, I'd just do uneven numbers. since you still have the bridal party gift, if it was me i'd still give it to her. Kill her with kindness. haha. 
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  • That stinks.  We had many MANY changes to our wedding party over the past year.  Thankfully, not this close to the wedding.  I vote for uneven #'s. 

    We've had uneven #'s from the beginning.  And had a few drop out, a couple added, change in best man....still uneven.  Not one person has even questioned our decision.  We really felt it was better to stay away from asking people to step up just to even it off. 
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  • awww bummer, but I don't see anything wrong with uneven numbers.
    It sounds like your bm wasn't trying to stiff you, she probably works for an a$# off a boss and is worried about her job. With the current state of economy I don't totally blame her. However she does owe you a VERY nice gift from your registry.
    I can't imagine anyone being shllow enough to ask why the odd numbers, but if they do just say something like, "Yes, you're right. We did have 9 people in the wedding party." And leave it at that.
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