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August 2010 Weddings

Long upsetting BM/cousin situation.

My cousin (a BM) got married and had a baby very young. Her daughter is now 3 years old and over a year ago when we set our wedding date, my cousin told me it was no problem if her daughter was not invited because she was going to have one of her in laws kids birthday parties to go to probably the same day anyway (holy run on sentence-sorry!)

9 months ago, she gets pregnant again and tells me its no problem they're scheduling a c-section for a month prior to the wedding for reasons unrelated to the wedding. She will order her dress large and have it altered down to size right before the wedding. No problem.

All along, my aunt (cousins mom) has been bringing up the fact that her grand daughter really likes me and why don't I have a flower girl? The answer, a 3 year old can't really be relied on to get down the aisle without a problem, and its not a child friendly event in general.

Recently my cousin started talking to my Mom about if she can bring the new baby to the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. Answer was no, your mom isn't coming to the rehearsal she can watch the baby, or its ok if you have to miss the rehearsal/dinner.

So then I get a phone call from my aunt telling me she doesn't think she's going to be able to make it to my wedding because she has to watch the kids, which is just her way of trying to guilt me into saying its ok for the kids to come. There are no other kids invited, it is an evening formal event, it is not appropriate for kids. Now my cousin is making every excuse in the book as to why she can't use any of the many suggestions we have given her for babysitters. Her husband could stay home with the kids so my aunt could come but they're trying to make me cave and let the kids come. My cousin says her daughter will be upset if she has to stay home while she knows everyone else is going to my wedding. Wow, learn to tell your child no! She says it upsets her that her daughter isn't welcome. It's not about her not being welcome, its just not a child friendly event. Is she upset her daughter wasn't invited to the bachelorette party??!

I just had to vent, I feel like a total bridezilla, but I have been told by everyone who is familiar with the situation that I'm not being one. Its just really upsetting, and I had a blatant conversation with my cousin telling her it upset me the way they are trying to use my aunt's attendance to sway me instead of working to find a solution and now I'm afraid things are going to be really awkward at my shower this weekend.

Sorry, vent over.

Re: Long upsetting BM/cousin situation.

  • Sorry to hear that you are having such unnecessary trouble! I am learning more and more throughout this process that no matter how many times you hear "it's your day" it's not really all about you and your FI...I won't go into detail, but I totally understand what you are feeling!! Knottie hugs to you!
  • A 3 year old's feelings will be hurt that everyone else got to go to the wedding and she didn't?  I call bullshit.  Can 3 year olds even pronounce the word 'wedding'?

    You're doing the right thing by not caving into the pressure.  It won't be you that is miserable the day of your wedding.  It will be your aunt for being so uncompromising.  If she hangs it over your head, so be it.  You can just smile and nod, "I had a wonderful wedding day, yes."
  • rktorkto member
    if she has a 1 month old, doesnt she have to breastfeed? that doesnt work with a baby sitter. 
    If she isnt breastfeeding, then you are being totally normal.
  • She isn't asking to bring the 1 month old, she is asking to bring the 3 year old. She has planned to pump so that she can be away from the infant (but now I'm confused about who exactly is watching the infant if she claims she doesn't have anyone to watch the 3 year old).
  • Maybe you can get her a babysitter as part of her bridesmaid gift?

  • this is total BS! you were very upfront with your cousin from the get go and she and your aunt are being very unfair to you. I hope they back off and come to their senses.
    August 2010 August Siggy Challange!
    Favorite Pic with FI
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