August 2010 Weddings

Vent: Invites

Ugh...I am starting to stress out about this. 

First, I read you are supposed to send a separate invite to someone if they are over the age of 18 & still live at home. I never factored this in, but I don't think I've ever seen this happen in practice. I am obviously sending people their own invites if they've moved out, but I am not doing so if they are still at home. 

Second, I didn't know if you send your officiant an invite. Mine is hired purely for the wedding -- so it's not as if we know her well or anything. I think I will verbally invite her, but the jury is still out on what to do here.

This whole ordeal kinda makes me regret having my BM do the invites, not because she did a bad job, but they are complicated invites that took forever to create so making a couple extras would be quite an undertaking & I am pretty sure she'd have my head!! 

I know I am over-thinking this & most people will not think about all these things, but I still feel bad that I am not following the rules to a T. lol 

Oh & pray I get a 100 guests -- this is another worry...!! 
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Re: Vent: Invites

  • Yes technically they should get their own invites if they are over 18 and you should be inviting them with a guest. But as is everything with the wedding world, it's your wedding! Do what you want! Do you think your family is going to get mad if you don't send a separate invite? Just breath chickie. It's not a big deal at all. :)
  • Yes, try not to stress!  It'll be fine.  Most people don't know the 'rules', so they won't even notice.  In the long run, it's not that big a deal.  I'm sure we screwed up about a million things, but all anyone has said to us about the invites was that they got them, and they were pretty :)
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  • Yeah I am inviting people with guests. I asked FMIL & she said it doesn't matter that I send separate invites -- no one really knew what I was talking about. I don't think anyone will be offended I am just being paranoid. 
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  • rktorkto
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    I would suggest to everyone to make a few extra invites just in case.
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  • I ignored the over 18 rule. In our case, there are a few guys in their early twenties who still live at home, but FI and I are really close to the whole family, so everyone is invited. I'm just sending a family invitation because I know they really don't care whether they receive an extra invite.

    If the officiant is just a vendor, I would probably not send an invite. If the officiant is from a church attended by you or your family, then I would send an invite, especialy if they are invited to the reception.
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  • I agree w/ pp not to stress and to probably bite the bullet and ask your friend to make a few extra invites regardless.  You may need them, and it's better to be prepared.

    As for the etiquette on this...pshaw.  I say do whatever you want dearie!  Anybody that is going to get all butt hurt about not receiving their own invite if they live at home and their fam is invited has no clue how stressful planning a wedding can be, and how much things cost!

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  • The officiant is a hired vendor -- we've only met her one time. 

    I actually had her make extras already & we all helped her but I could tell it stressed her out. I think I will wait to see if it's necessary haha. 
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  • In Response to Re: Vent: Invites:
    I agree w/ pp not to stress and to probably bite the bullet and ask your friend to make a few extra invites regardless.  You may need them, and it's better to be prepared. As for the etiquette on this...pshaw.  I say do whatever you want dearie!  Anybody that is going to get all butt hurt about not receiving their own invite if they live at home and their fam is invited has no clue how stressful planning a wedding can be, and how much things cost! GL!
    Posted by branz7
    I kind of died laughing at this!  I'll keep it in mind when I send mine out :)

    Our officiant is also just a vendor, and has already politely declined attending the rest of the day after the ceremony.  We're definitely not sending him an invite.
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  • aweilbaaweilba
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    I think that technically they are supposed to get their own invite if they're over 18, but still living at home.  I only did this with one person, and that's because she's in my BP and her family is also invited, but she has a boyfriend.  Everyone else that was over 18 and still lived at home got the same invite as their family; I just addressed it with their family first, then on a separate line I put their name plus guest. 

    Also, I don't really know what the etiquette for inviting your officant is, but we invited ours.  However, to us, they're not a "vendor" or someone that we've employed for our wedding.  I've gone to this church since 7th grade, and my pastors are pretty good friends of my parents, so my case seems a bit different from some of the other posts.
  • I didn't technically follow all of the rules - we had just a few cousins who are still living at home so they got included on their parents invitation. We will be inviting our pastor to the reception as we are current members of the church we are getting married in so he is our soon to be regular pastor (I say soon-to-be because our pastor is new to the church as of June 14th...haven't actually met him yet!)

  • I had these issues too.
    For anyone over 18 I sent a family invite and said they could bring a guest.
    I also had no clue about the pastor. He's driving over an hour to come up so I verbally invited him to the reception.
    If you think about it...even if people get upset over any of this, they won't remember it a week after the wedding.
  • We sent some people who were over 18 but living at home their own invites, but not everyone.  The ones who were more extended family (like my mom's cousins' kids) we generally put on an invite with their family, but closer family we gave their own.  I think whatever works for you should be fine.
    As for the officiant, we didn't make an invite for her yet.  Not sure if we're going to or not as she is just a hired vendor for us as well.
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  • The only people over 18 living at home who got their own invites were people in our bridal party. I know my mom's cousin's 3 sons could give a hooey if they get their own invites  lol.

    p.s. *butt hurt* is probably my new favorite saying from TK  lol
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  • Haha, "butt hurt" has been around in other online, ahem, communities, forever.  I was surprised and amused to see it come up on the knot though! :P

    The guest list and invitations have been by far the most stressful aspects of the wedding planning process for me so far.  I'm having people invite themselves, parents retroactively wanting to add people to the guest list after the invitations were sent out, parents telling guests it's okay to add extras to their RSVPs without checking with me, and so on.
  • I included people over 18 that are still living at home on the parents' invites (Except for bridal party people). I don't know my priest, so I will not be paying more money for a meal for him. He's getting paid enough to just talk for 20-30 minutes. No invite for him.
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