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August 2010 Weddings

BM still won't order dress

I posted something a couple months back on E about one of my BM's not buying her dress. She still hasn't ordered it. I have reminded her several times. She said that money is totally not the issue and she just keeps forgetting. I talked to her on Friday about it. She promised me she was going on Saturday to order it. She didn't. I know we still have 3 months, but it's getting closer and I'm started to get a little worried. I'm not sure what to do. I guess at this point I just have to wait and see if she gets it. If not I suppose she will just be attending the wedding as a guest and we'll have uneven bridal party. Do you ladies have any advice? I'm getting pretty concerned.
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Re: BM still won't order dress

  • I don't think there's much you can do. Like you said if she doesn't order it she will be a guest at the wedding. Sorry you are having this problem you would think that your BM would consider ordering her dress a pretty important thing.
  • I agree. If she doesn't get the dress then she just won't be in the WP. It sucks but theres not much you can do. I know that the more someone bugs me about something the more I DON'T want to do it. She know all the information so the ball is in her court. 
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  • Hmmm I gave my BMs a deadline to order their dresses, because they were a seasonal style from JCrew.  I think that saying there is a deadline isn't a zilla move either, b/c most people understand that things need to be done in a certain time frame in order to stay on track with all the planning.

    Maybe send her a friendly reminder email and tell her that you'd really appreciate it being handled by...xyz date.  If money is no object there is no harm in helping her remember, since she says that's her dilemma.
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  • I set a deadline. I told her it needs to be ordered by June 5th because the wait on getting them in is getting longer and if any alterations are needed that will be cutting it close. Let's hope she orders it.
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  • I was having this same issue a few weeks ago (although it was due to personal issues of the BM). I basically let it go with the attitude that if she gets the dress great but if she doesn't, SHE made the choice to take herself out of the WP and just be a guest. She eventually did get her dress.

    If its a remembering issue, I would set up a lunch or coffee date with her (if she's local obviously) and then suggest you go together to order the dress.
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  • I ordered my BM's dresses myself, because the deposit required was $20. That way I have all the dresses ordered and the girls owe me $20 each. 
  • I ordered my ladies dress myself, that way I knew it was done.  Is there anyway you could take care of it on her behalf?
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  • Sounds like she is bailing out of the bridal party and doesnt have the guts to tell you so she is speaking thru her actions... happened to a friend of mine..
  • I agree with Reilly. It really sounds like she is hinting that she doesn't want to be in the wedding.
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  • rktorkto member
    100 Comments
    no, I think people just forget.  It is rude, but it happens.
    my fi's sister just ordered the dress last week and she was the one pushing me to shop earlier than I originally wanted to.
    she just kept forgetting.  I told her she could order over the phone, but again - she kept forgetting
    finally, she had to pay rush fees and she may have to pay rush alteration fees too.

    I dont know how to say this without sounding like I am being mean, but our weddings arent on the top of everyones minds.  And, even though your friendship should mean she remembers for you.. people are scatterbrained.
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  • I just went through this exact thing! I probably reminded her once a week for 3 months, and then finally I just bought it for her. Although she said it wasn't a money issue, I think it might have been that and the fact she's really busy. Once I told her I bought it, she bought her shoes and booked her flights and hotel. I think sometimes, unless it's your wedding, you don't realize how stressful weddings are and how the bride is really counting on you to do certain things within a certain time frame. 
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  • Sometimes money is a hard thing to talk about - even if she says it's not about that... that's what it sounds like to me. I would contact the shop and see when they think it has to be ordered by. Sometimes there are rush fees involved if you don't order by a certain date. Find out what that date is and tell her what they fees are. You can really only leave it up to her. And it's perfectly fine to have an uneven party!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2010-weddings_bm-still-wont-order-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:593Discussion:bb026518-0e5a-4942-9d53-0c51124afc2aPost:34ab87cc-f46f-4995-be8b-a985a3566c62">Re: BM still won't order dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Finally, are you really going to let her remove herself from the WP over a dress? 
    Posted by tinydancer842[/QUOTE]

    But what's the alternative if she doesn't ever order the dress? Having her stand up there in whatever she wants to wear? That would be really unfair to the other BMs, who all had to pay hundreds of dollars for a dress and alterations, when they're probably not even going to be able to wear the BM dress again.
  • aweilbaaweilba member
    1000 Comments
    My BMs and I all went together to order their dresses.  One of them had to order a week later because she had to wait for her CC statement to start over, but going together really worked for us.  Is there any way you could maybe go to the bridal shop with her, and if money really is the issue, would you be able to swing part of the dress as her "thank you" gift rather than a different BM gift?  If she doesn't order it, then there's really not much you can do if you've already offered her other options.  But there's nothing wrong with having an uneven BP.
  • edited May 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2010-weddings_bm-still-wont-order-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:593Discussion:bb026518-0e5a-4942-9d53-0c51124afc2aPost:34ab87cc-f46f-4995-be8b-a985a3566c62">Re: BM still won't order dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Finally, are you really going to let her remove herself from the WP over a dress?
    Posted by tinydancer842[/QUOTE]
    Well, I can't very well force her to stay in the bridal party. What would be the alternative if she doesn't get the dress? Allow her to stand up at the ceremony in whatever she shows up in? I'm not sure I'd be okay with that since the other girls bought their dresses.

    Thanks for your advice everyone. I called DB and they said that her dress is now on lay away. I saw a FB status that she went to the mall on Sunday, got her and her daughter's nails done, bought new shoes, got her hair done, and bought some new clothes for summer. I have a feeling she made it to the mall first, then finally ended up at DB and didn't have enough cash to buy the dress on the spot, but at least it's on lay away right? That makes me feel better.
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