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September 2010 Weddings

Should we do this?

Hi ladies,

So we did our walk through with our ceremony site today and the lady gave us a good tip about the unity sand (can't do a unity candle because it's an ourdoor venue).

I guess the mother's are supposed to put a base neutral sand color representing the 2 families coming together as 1, then we put in our 2 colored sands.

Problem is our families have LITERALLY never met in 4.5 years and wont' meet until the wedding day.  FI's family can't come to the RD and I only have 19 days left so I can't have a dinner ahead of time to get them to meet, esp where my parents live in NH and his live in MA.  We figured our families would just meet during pictures.  Very akward but there's no other time if I don't want to see FI before the ceremony.

SO my problem is clearly neither family cares to get to know each other and neither one really sees our 2 famlies coming together.  Thankfully we don't want children because FI's family is very controlling and really thinks that I'm giving up my family after we get married even though I've explained 1000 times that I'm not, so I think they think it's not worth getting to know each other.  My mom has made phone attempts to get to know his family before the wedding, tried to even get his mom involved in the shower but she never returned my mom's calls.  His family didn't go to our shower because his sister had her baby shower the same day.

Alright long story short.  I'm not comfortable with the symbollism of the 2 families coming together if they really don't get.  I get that no matter how everyone feels this is the way it's going to be, but it doesn't make sense to me.  Unfort FI already talked to his mom about his idea because he was psyched to give her something to do (even though she hasn't cared about the entire wedding literally) so I think we're stuck but how can I make myself feel better?  Sorry it's a stupid rant just realizing that damn this is for real and this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life.  I can't wait for holidays when we have a house and expect our families to come to us to even out the who you see more problem.

Thanks ladies!

Re: Should we do this?

  • If FMIL really wants to do it, why don't you try to spin it not as your two famillies coming together, but as each mother representing where each of you came from and how your were brought up that brought you to where you are now.
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  • I would just do the sand for you and FI. You don't HAVE to include the families.

    It isn't worth the fight or the stress.. just do it the way you had thought, the person who told you that doesn't have to live your life, so just nix that part. start with an empty vase and put in your sand and his only..
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  • In Response to Re: Should we do this?:
    [QUOTE]If FMIL really wants to do it, why don't you try to spin it not as your two famillies coming together, but as each mother representing where each of you came from and how your were brought up that brought you to where you are now.
    Posted by sunshine_day_dreams[/QUOTE]
    THIS EXACTLY!  Our officiant is saying something along these lines as well.  It's not your two families coming together literally, but you coming from one fam and FI coming from another, therefore creating a unified family
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    Anniversary

  • This is one of the reasons I'm not doing any unity thing. I don't think the two families ever come together - the two people do, and it's a bonus if the families get along.
    image
  • JenO24JenO24 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited August 2010
    we're doing a sand ceremony and only FI and i are doing the sand.  our families get along just fine, but we want it to be about us.  beach ceremony using the sand we're standing on suites us just fine

    ALSO, just b/c the lady at the ceremony site mentioned that doesnt mean thats what you have to do
    image Anniversary
  • we are doing the unity sand thing.

    No where does it mention the families

    These were the sample wordings I found online.

    "Today, BRIDE and GROOM, have chosen to commemorate their marriage through the celebration of the Sand Ceremony. This ceremony symbolizes the inseparable union of BRIDE and GROOM into a new and eternal marital relationship. Bride and Groom will simultaneously pour separate containers of sand into a common vessel. Each grain of sand in their separate containers represents a unique and separate moment, decision, feeling or event that helped shaped Bride and Groom into the separate and unique individuals that they are today. As they pour their separate containers of sand into a common vessel, those separate and independent individuals will cease to exist. Instead they will merge into a loving and supportive marital community. BRIDE and GROOM, just as the grains of sand can never be separated into their individual containers again, so will your marriage be."
     
    "Please note this empty glass. Glass, itself, is made from sand and the sands of time have come together, melting into one piece to make this vessel. The sands of time should remind us all of our eternal love and our mortality. Today BRIDE and GROOM have chosen to represent their love to each other in a special sand ceremony. Please BRIDE and GROOM, take your separate glass of sand and alternate the pouring of sand into this joining vessel and united, repeat after me: You are my love for eternity. I blend with you. My heart is like these grains of sands, merging with yours. I am yours. You are mine. We are together forever like the sand, like the wind. We are one."
    image
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  • Thank you so much ladies!  I think we shot ourselves in the foot with the mom's thing...so I love the idea of this is where you came from.  One would think that duh you're now an adult and leaving your mom to be with YOUR WIFE for the rest of your life so I guess we could spin it that way in my mind.  I can have the JP explain that we came from our moms and now we are creating our own family.

    Thank you ladies love the ideas and support :o)
  • FSILs was the same as what Alcia posted at her weddign last year only they had their 2yr old son pour with them.
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