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September 2010 Weddings

Ugh my MOH got the shaft...vent/rant

I don't mean to sound like a jerk of a biatch by this post so please don't think otherwise!

So my MOH emailed me yesterday to let me know that my mom FINALLY bothered to call her this weekend about shower stuff.  My mom left on the voicemail "just curious what the bridesmaids and you are doing for M's shower...well call me back!". 

Problem is...my mom 6 months ago my mom had a plan that was the only plan and my MOH couldn't do a jack and jill like FI would prefer since we don't have a house and really just wanted checks if someone was going to do something.

I called my mom later in the day and just said ok so that we're all on the same page are you planning something or not so that MOH doesn't go and step on toes since she seemed to think you had a really nice plan at a resturant in mind.  All my mom could say was "I have to talk to MOH directly, if she calls and gets my answering machine leave 2 times of when I can reach her back".

Ugh.

We're well aware that you shouldn't expect a shower, and I know that mothers don't have throw showers, but don't lead someone on just to change your mind with less than 3 mo till the wedding!  I've been on such a roller coaster of if we'll have one or not...will we invite FI's family or not if they can't be involved...now we might not have one at all?

My poor MOH just started a new job today in ME, my mom lives in NH and FI and I live in MA...wth is she supposed to do?  It's not like she has a ton of money and certainly doesn't have a back yard of her own to just throw a bbq or potluck in.  Problem is too my mom hates that kind of stuff so I can almost guarentee she won't compromise and go...use my backyard but you pay kinda deal. 

My other BM's have been a huge pain about a shower getting mad at me for not having a date (aren't they supposed to be a surprise you don't throw your own?!?) and having it in NH where my mom lives and it would be convenient for her if she had to pay for it saying they can't make it so they won't even be any help to my MOH.

Honestly at this point I just want someone to celebrate our upcoming marriage out of respect and we love and care about you, even if it's like here's some cake in someone's backyard I don't even care, but I'm pretty sure my MOH feels like she has to do a lot more for us even though I've told her she's ok to do something simple.  But I also can't expect that because showers aren't required and people get married without a shower...

FI's opinion is...oh well.  His family won't do anything and hasn't bothered to contact my mom or MOH either (even though my mom made the first attempt back in December and his mom said not until after the holidays) so pretty much my poor MOH is totally on her own and our general guest list for the whole wedding is a little over 100 people.  What should I do now?

Re: Ugh my MOH got the shaft...vent/rant

  • I don't mean to sound like a jerk of a biatch by this post so please don't think otherwise!

    So my MOH emailed me yesterday to let me know that my mom FINALLY bothered to call her this weekend about shower stuff.  My mom left on the voicemail "just curious what the bridesmaids and you are doing for M's shower...well call me back!". 

    Problem is...my mom 6 months ago my mom had a plan that was the only plan and my MOH couldn't do a jack and jill like FI would prefer since we don't have a house and really just wanted checks if someone was going to do something.

    I called my mom later in the day and just said ok so that we're all on the same page are you planning something or not so that MOH doesn't go and step on toes since she seemed to think you had a really nice plan at a resturant in mind.  All my mom could say was "I have to talk to MOH directly, if she calls and gets my answering machine leave 2 times of when I can reach her back".

    Ugh.

    We're well aware that you shouldn't expect a shower, and I know that mothers don't have throw showers, but don't lead someone on just to change your mind with less than 3 mo till the wedding!  I've been on such a roller coaster of if we'll have one or not...will we invite FI's family or not if they can't be involved...now we might not have one at all?

    My poor MOH just started a new job today in ME, my mom lives in NH and FI and I live in MA...wth is she supposed to do?  It's not like she has a ton of money and certainly doesn't have a back yard of her own to just throw a bbq or potluck in.  Problem is too my mom hates that kind of stuff so I can almost guarentee she won't compromise and go...use my backyard but you pay kinda deal. 

    My other BM's have been a huge pain about a shower getting mad at me for not having a date (aren't they supposed to be a surprise you don't throw your own?!?) and having it in NH where my mom lives and it would be convenient for her if she had to pay for it saying they can't make it so they won't even be any help to my MOH.

    Honestly at this point I just want someone to celebrate our upcoming marriage out of respect and we love and care about you, even if it's like here's some cake in someone's backyard I don't even care, but I'm pretty sure my MOH feels like she has to do a lot more for us even though I've told her she's ok to do something simple.  But I also can't expect that because showers aren't required and people get married without a shower...

    FI's opinion is...oh well.  His family won't do anything and hasn't bothered to contact my mom or MOH either (even though my mom made the first attempt back in December and his mom said not until after the holidays) so pretty much my poor MOH is totally on her own and our general guest list for the whole wedding is a little over 100 people.  What should I do now?
  • No advice here.
    I'm fairly certain I'm not having a shower.  I'm not going to let it bother me either.  I'm all about the actual wedding date anyway.  That's where all the action's at :)
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  • My matron of honor and bridesmaid that were throwing me a shower dropped out so I won't be having a shower either, but I'm fine. I'm just happy to be getting married!

    Sorry I have no good advice.
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  • I understand that you are upset... I would be too. I really don't have any good advice for you. I mean, I know that you don't need a shower, but when people say it's going to happen and then flake... That just sucks! I'm sorry
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_ugh-moh-got-shaftventrant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:594Discussion:8f31917f-29a3-4e4b-807c-65853300277dPost:fb95a3f2-ea29-4a0e-bc83-aa1b317578c8">Ugh my MOH got the shaft...vent/rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't mean to sound like a jerk of a biatch by this post so please don't think otherwise! So my MOH emailed me yesterday to let me know that my mom FINALLY bothered to call her this weekend about shower stuff.  My mom left on the voicemail "just curious what the bridesmaids and you are doing for M's shower...well call me back!".  Problem is...my mom 6 months ago my mom had a plan that was the only plan and my MOH <strong>couldn't do a jack and jill like FI would prefer since we don't have a house and really just wanted checks if someone was going to do something</strong>. I called my mom later in the day and just said ok so that we're all on the same page are you planning something or not so that MOH doesn't go and step on toes since she seemed to think you had a really nice plan at a resturant in mind.  All my mom could say was "I have to talk to MOH directly, if she calls and gets my answering machine leave 2 times of when I can reach her back". Ugh. We're well aware that you shouldn't expect a shower, and I know that mothers don't have throw showers, but don't lead someone on just to change your mind with less than 3 mo till the wedding!  I've been on such a roller coaster of if we'll have one or not...will we invite FI's family or not if they can't be involved...now we might not have one at all? My poor MOH just started a new job today in ME, my mom lives in NH and FI and I live in MA...wth is she supposed to do?  It's not like she has a ton of money and certainly doesn't have a back yard of her own to just throw a bbq or potluck in.  Problem is too my mom hates that kind of stuff so I can almost guarentee she won't compromise and go...use my backyard but you pay kinda deal.  My other BM's have been a huge pain about a shower getting mad at me for not having a date (aren't they supposed to be a surprise you don't throw your own?!?) and having it in NH where my mom lives and it would be convenient for her if she had to pay for it saying they can't make it so they won't even be any help to my MOH. Honestly at this point I just want someone to celebrate our upcoming marriage out of respect and we love and care about you, even if it's like here's some cake in someone's backyard I don't even care, but I'm pretty sure my MOH feels like she has to do a lot more for us even though I've told her she's ok to do something simple.  But I also can't expect that because showers aren't required and people get married without a shower... FI's opinion is...oh well.  His family won't do anything and hasn't bothered to contact my mom or MOH either (even though my mom made the first attempt back in December and his mom said not until after the holidays) so pretty much my poor MOH is totally on her own and our general guest list for the whole wedding is a little over 100 people.  What should I do now?
    Posted by litskispecialty[/QUOTE]

    I have no advice because I sort of tuned out after the bolded part.  You can't ask your guests for checks. You can't demand a shower. You can't get upset if someone doesn't give you cake in a backyard.  Yes, I understand it's frustrating that your mom said one thing and is doing another, but that's what's happening.  If you're upset because you really want a potluck or jack and jill shower with money...well, I just don't know what to say to that.
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